Showing posts with label bluetooth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bluetooth. Show all posts

Monday, January 25, 2010

Ask Militant Ginger

It's that time again! Another delve into the keyword questions that drove people to Militant Ginger.

Is Princess Diana more annoying dead than alive?

I don’t know – that’s a tough one to call. I would have to make a judgment call and say yes; because while the poor woman was still alive, at least the incessant media coverage about her was mitigated by the fact that ‘shedidaloddagudworkfurcharidy, mate.

These days, she’s still rarely off the telly in one form or another (mostly conspiracy shows about her ‘murder’) but no longer contributes to children with AIDs or digging up landmines or anything jolly like that.

So incessant media attention MINUS charitable contributions EQUALS more annoying than ever.

What’s the Bluetooth Headset Captain Jack wears in Torchwood?

Sorry to disappoint you, guys – but Captain Jack’s stylish Bluetooth headset from the mediocre mess that was BBC’s Torchwood was actually a one-of-a-kind prop made from toilet rolls and washing up bottles in the BBC props department.

Ianto, Owen and the others, however, did use a real brand – the Jabra BT250v . You can get your own here.



Why do Christians hate gay people?

Christians technically don’t hate gay people.

Certain people claiming to be Christians (i.e. certain Evangelical groups) hate gay people, but they have as much to do with Christianity as Mormonism does. [Congrats, Militant Ginger. You managed to insult two religious demographics in a single sentence – Editorial Bear]

The truth be told, the official line is that no Christian ‘hates’ gay people. They just believe, rightly or wrongly [Erm, wrongly – Editorial Bear] that homosexuality is unnatural (despite it being practiced by a recorded 1,800 species of animals) and a sin against God.

They don’t hate the sinner, they hate the sin. This distinction does seem to confuse some Christians, hence the problems – but ‘hate’ is not the official line.

Anyway. While God was pretty clear on the matter (read Leviticus) his son, Jesus, was kind of ambivalent – a little like President Obama.

It’s possible to make a pretty convincing case against homosexuality using New Testament scripture (CK whipped me in this debate, so I have to give credit where it’s due) although I believe that Jesus was more about the ‘love your neighbor’ part of his belief system, rather than whether or not being gay was cool.

ибупрофен vs нурофен

I don’t even know what this means – nor do I know why it brought somebody to my blog! But I hope it has something to do with sexy Russian ladies in uniform.

I am so objectifying this lady right now.

Did Stephanie Meyer plagiarize Charlaine Harris?

Charlaine Harris, who wrote the Sookie Stackhouse series of vampire books, is often credited as the inspiration for Twilight. People have even accused Meyer of plagiarizing Harris directly – one commentor on this blog wrote “All you have to do is read Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series and L.J. Smith's Vampire Diaries and there's the whole storyline in all 4 of the Twilight books. Someone needs to sue this woman because she's just getting credit for what others have done and watering it down into her disgusting version. It's NOT FAIR!”

Personally, I think it’s difficult to accuse Stephanie Meyer of plagiarism, because the whole vampire genre is SO trite and derivative that there hasn’t been an original work of vampire-inspired fiction for decades. In fact, Meyer managed to inject a rare bit of originality into the genre by mixing it with the romantic tribulations of a narcissistic, self-obsessed teenager AND in making the whole series of books a clumsy metaphor for abstinence.

So, good for her.




Why can’t antibiotics cure the common cold?

One of the most annoying things about living in America is how people will rush to the doctors for a prescription of antibiotics as soon as they have the sniffles.

These people are retarded. They’re the idiots breeding antibiotic-resistant bacteria and driving up the cost of medical insurance. They’re too ignorant to research one of the most basic facts of modern medicine: Colds and flu are caused by viruses.

Antibiotics only treat bacteria. Taking antibiotics to cure your cold is utterly useless.

In fact, it’s more likely to make you sick than better, as each time you take antibiotics you perform a neat little holocaust of all the ‘good’ bacteria in your gut and screw up your digestion.

We can’t only hold the deeply stupid people who wolf down the pills responsible, though. Seriously lazy doctors have got into the habit of filling in these idiot’s prescriptions because it takes ten minutes to convince them that antibiotics are a waste of time, and just thirty seconds to give them the prescription they stupidly crave.

Educating the masses and convincing doctors not to pander to hypochondriacs is vitally important - unless we fancy all falling victim to an antibiotic-resistant super-bacteria five years in the future (hey, that's an idea for a book!)

The law, morality and Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

That’s not even a question. That sounds like the title of an undergraduate literature dissertation.

Twilight kind of went like this

Why do pirates wear eye patches?

Most people think pirates wore eye-patches to cover the hole in their skull where an eyeball used to be (remember, kids – cutlass fights are all well and good – right up until somebody loses an eye!)

But actually, patches were an essential accessory for bi-optic buccaneers as well.

On the sun-drenched seas of the Caribbean, an eye-patch was used during ship-to-ship combat. When a pirate descended into the bowels of a ship to loot the booty, he’d step from the sunshine on deck to the murky darkness of the unlit hold. As you’ll know if you’d ever had somebody shine a flashlight into your eyes, that renders you instantly blind – as it takes valuable minutes to build up ‘night vision’ after being in a well-lit environment.

Pirates would wear an eye-patch to force one eye to adjust to low-light conditions, so when they thundered downstairs into the lower decks of a raided galleon, they could lift their ‘patch’ and immediately see clearly in the darkness, without having to wait for their eyesight to adjust (which might lead to an adversary running them through in the mean time.)

It’s a good trick to remember. If you’re ever sneaking about outside, always keep one eye closed, so if the lights come on, or somebody shines a flashlight in your face, your ‘night vision’ won’t immediately vanish, leaving you temporarily blinded as soon as darkness falls again.

Which is better Nurofen or ibuprofen?

They’re both the same thing! Nurofen is an expensive brand-name pill that contains 200mg of ibuprofen – exactly the same dosage as the cheap, generic brand (but three times more expensive.)

Aside from an easy-to-swallow coating, they are exactly the same product – so use your noggin and plump for the generic pill when you get the chance. Anybody who tells you that brand-name pills have a ‘superior blend’ or similar rubbish are just buying into the hype.

Same drug, same thing – the only difference is whether you keep the difference in price, or you ‘donate’ it to a pharmaceutical giant (and believe me, baby, their profit margins make the oil industry look positively pauperish by comparison.)

Smith Cho drinks tequila in Knight Rider?

The delectable Smith Cho was one of the stars of Knight Rider’s aborted relaunch. In fact, as far as I was concerned, she was the star. Cute and funny and a mouthwatering sight in a bikini, she should have kept that show on the air even if Val Kilmer’s smooth-talking Ford Mustang didn’t.

There were other memorable parts of this episode - I just don't remember them

Anyway. In the third episode, Knight of the Iguana, our intrepid crew try to track down a stolen missile and to that end, Smith’s character – Zoe – poses as the hero’s wife and pours a bottle of tequila down him. It’s left ambiguous whether or not they got up to some tequila-fueled mischief later that evening - but I’d be thoroughly disappointed in the new ‘Michael Knight’ if he hadn’t! Girls like Smith Cho don’t come along very often.



Sweet, safe, grown-up pit bulls for sale?

If you’d read this post, you’d probably have realized that I’m not entirely convinced that pit bulls are ever entirely ‘safe.’ All dogs have the capacity to be dangerous - my wife was mauled by a tiny terrier when she was little - but I do believe that pit bulls are inherently more dangerous than most.

They're still beautiful animals, though.

Pit Bull - Bad dog, or just bad publicity?

In ‘Burn Notice’, what was the waist leather bag Fiona wears?



Fiona Glenanne, the former IRA assassin and femme fatale of USA’s Burn Notice, wears a Leather Hip Bag during some of her more dangerous missions and you can get one of your very own here.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Ask Militant Ginger

After the success of the last one, it's time for another session of Ask Militant Ginger.

These are genuine questions entered into search engines that have driven people to my blog:

How do you plot out a mystery novel?

An intriguing question! As you know, I'm an obsessive fan of 'plot plans' and planning out stories and novels chapter by chapter before beginning to write them. It's the only way to prevent 'writing yourself into a corner,' which is the Number 1 reason for writer's block.

A mystery novel is one of the harder types of story to write - it has to keep the reader guessing throughout and the payoff at the end has to be both unexpected, but entirely logical.

Acclaimed mystery novelist Ron Lovell has written extensively on this subject and you can find his musings here. The best bit of advice he gives is this: "Be fair with readers—lead them to the solution of the crime methodically, planting clues, and don’t bring someone out of nowhere that the reader does not know or care about."

After all, a mystery novel is just a wordier form of Sudoku. Half of the fun is trying to guess the ending.

In regards to that, therefore, it's important to not just have a crime and a criminal - the author has to create many and varied clues, red herrings, motives and suspects to keep the reader on a merry-go-round right until the final page.

The mystery novel is one of the most challenging and rewarding writing experiences to embark upon. Good luck!

Why can't we get peanuts on the plane?

By far and away, my most-read posting was "Why People with Peanut Allergies Annoy Me,' which was a tongue-in-cheek article about how frustrating it was that the dramatic increase in peanut allergies has caused some airlines to dump the traditional 'in-flight' peanuts and replace them with dreary pretzels.

The reason for this unfortunate move is that even the slightest residue of peanut dust or oil can trigger a possibly fatal reaction in some people. In the enclosed space of an airplane, with constantly recycled air and the lengthy amount of time between stops, a simple bag of peanuts might be a death sentence to some passengers.

Whether that's Darwinism at work or not is subject matter for another post.

Oi! Shut up, Ginger!

I'm not quite sure why that chain of words pointed towards this blog (hopefully it wasn't a suggestion.) However, this common cry in England is something that I've blogged about many times. Try this post if you're curious.

British people hate gingers, for some absurd reason. Add to that an institutionalised complicity in abuse levelled at redhead people and you've got a country that's miserable to grow up ginger in. I've thought about this subject a lot (I was even interviewed on a BBC documentary about it.)

But without my anger at the way I was sometimes treated in the UK, I'd never have got worked up enough to appear on television or even start the Militant Ginger blog. So Nietzsche was right all along!

Is Lily Allen a Mockney?

I love British songbird Lily Allen. Her perky, funny, cynical music is a real breath of fresh air in an increasingly processed and bland industry.

She's a mouthy little bint, though. Failing to mince words, she's attacked Bob Geldof, calling him a sanctimonious prat - and suggested that everybody who bought debutante/amateur porn star Paris Hilton's first album should be rounded up and 'killed off.'

And she's said it all in the most curious 'Lahhhnnndan' (i.e. London) accent.

Is she a fraud?

Well, the answer is YES. Talented she may be, but the working class pretensions are entirely fake. Raised from a showbiz family (she's the daughter of Keith Allen) she was a student at Bedales (where my brother and I went) which is about as far removed from a rough upbringing on London's dirty streets as it's possible to get.

What is Thoughtcat?

That's an excellent question!

Thoughtcat's creator, Richard Cooper, describes it as "a bit more than a blog, yet not quite a magazine."

What that translates to is an arty little corner of the web dedicated to some true literary gems. Top of this list is the work of notorious writer Stephen Miles, whose adventures in competitive writing - recounted in 'All my Own Work' - make for thrilling reading.

Thoughtcat 'published' Mile's hilarious and poignant book through Lulu - so while Richard Cooper might not know quite how to categorise the company, I'd pin it as a daring and innovative publisher on the forefront of the Print on Demand revolution.

Check out their site - and Stephen Mile's book, here.

Do ginger people smell?

What an offensive question!

If anything, I smell slightly of Hugo Boss cologne and Lynx deodorant. But in general, I don't think I smell any different to anybody else!

However, there are claims that 'ginger' people (as in redheads) have a slightly different 'body odor' smell to them than other people. Slightly more 'metallic' is one way it's been described.

Whether there's any truth to that, I couldn't like to speculate.

It's worth pointing out that Japanese people claim westerners smell like 'sour milk' because of our high dairy diets. If there is any difference in 'smell,' it's almost certainly for a dietary reason than any kind of genetics.

Do pretzels contain nuts?

Considering most airlines have replaced peanuts with pretzels, we can only hope they don't - otherwise the problem they're trying to solve (peanut allergies) will still plague them.

According to my sources, the delicious salty pretzel, a southern German treat dating back to the twelfth century, is actually made from nothing more potent than wheat flour and yeast. The dough is twisted into the distinctive 'pretzel' shape and then dipped in sodium hydroxide or sodium carbonate (plus a sprinkling of course ground salt) prior to baking.

A very low fat, low calorie snack, pretzels can either be cooked as fluffy, doughy 'bread' (which is often eaten with spicy German mustard) or as tiny, hard snacks about the same size as crisps or potato chips.

While the factories in which they're made might also produce peanut snacks (cross contamination is always a risk) it is generally safe to assume that pretzels contain no traces of nuts whatsoever and are perfectly safe to eat.

What are the Torchwood Headsets? What is Captain Jack's Bluetooth?

In brimming-with-potential-but-in-actuality-dire Doctor Who spinoff Torchwood, the dashing Captain Jack Harkness is famous for his billowing 1940's RAF greatcoat (as my brother described it - just a 'great coat') and his bluetooth headset, which is permanently attached to his right lughole.

According to my extensive research, the headset Captain Jack uses is actually hand built by the BBC prop department for the show. Other character, such as the deary Ianto, use a Jabra BT250v or similar brand.

What are the New Jersey Department of Motor Vehicle rules on traffic circles?

Despite the fact that they're gaily building more and more of them across the great state of New Jersey, when it comes to the rules regarding traffic circles (what we Brits call roundabouts) they're wonderfully vague.

I quote:

New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission, Driver Manual, Chapter 4, Page 38: There are not [sic] set rules for driving into, around and out of a traffic circle in New Jersey.

So there you have it. Enter at your own peril.

Fin

And finally, because while we all hate Torchwood, we LOVE Captain Jack, here is a gratuitous photograph of John Barrowman as 'Cap'n Jack' at the Plass Roald Dahl in Cardiff.

For the record - so I don't need to mention it in the next edition of Ask Militant Ginger - the car in the background is a modified Range Rover (not a Land Rover or Freelander as many people have suggested) and the revolver Jack's holding is a World War 2 era Webley.

See you next time!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Bluetooth Bollocks

If you're Torchwood's Captain Jack Harkness, you can get away with wearing a 'Bluetooth' headset all the time. He's a time-travelling, bi-sexual badass and needs to be able to answer incoming distress calls at the touch of a button - and talk with his hands free.

However, if you are not part of an elite government sponsored alien-killing strike team, yank that expensive blue tooth set out of your lughole THIS INSTANT.

They're ridiculous.

Yet more and more people are wearing them. Every day, in the office and the street, I see people strolling about with shiny Motorola earpieces sticking out of the side of their head. And what's worse? They use them!

Just today, I was standing in the elevator when the person next to me said: "Hey, how're doin'?"

"Erm, fine," I said, bemused. The guy gave me a look that could wilt flowers.

"Didya catch the game last night?" He continued talking, apparently to thin air. "Yeah, the Pats kicked their butts."

It was only then that I realised he was on a Bluetooth headset, hidden under his floppy mullet.

I hate them! People walking around have conversations to thin air. Nobody knows who they're talking to - or if they're talking to anybody. Hell, it used to just be the vagrants and drunks on the streets of New York who would rant nonsensically to invisible friends. Now everybody's doing it.

The worst, though, has to be when a 'Bluetoothed' colleague wanders up to your desk to ask you something.

"You got that copy for me yet?"

I open my mouth to speak and suddenly they hold up their hand. The international signal for: Shut the hell up.

"Oh, hey, George," the buggers will start ranting, "I thought it would go straight to voice mail."

Then they start having a conversation with thin air right in my lughole, looming over my desk like the grim shadow of death. And I, of course, have to wait until they've finished relaying the latest NFL scores before I can finish my conversation with them.

It drives me MAD. I'm sure the first Bluetooth related office execution is only a few months away. Please, Lord, give me a prescription for Xanax or something so it's not me who starts the trend. I could do quite a bit of damage with a staple gun if properly riled up.

So, for the sake of world peace and office safety, PLEASE, people! Loose the Bluetooth headsets!

Didn't anybody SEE the episode of Doctor Who in which the Cybermen took over the planet with Bluetooth headsets? All the people on earth suddenly got zapped into obedience by a 'Bluetooth update' sent by Trigger from Only Fools and Horses (who was, by the way, the least convincing bad guy EVER.)

They've got to go.

But until then, I'm going to sticky-tape a pencil sharpener to my ear and have a one-sided imaginary conversation with absolutely nobody, just so I fit in.