Ask Militant Ginger

It's that time again! Another delve into the keyword questions that drove people to Militant Ginger.

Is Princess Diana more annoying dead than alive?

I don’t know – that’s a tough one to call. I would have to make a judgment call and say yes; because while the poor woman was still alive, at least the incessant media coverage about her was mitigated by the fact that ‘shedidaloddagudworkfurcharidy, mate.’

These days, she’s still rarely off the telly in one form or another (mostly conspiracy shows about her ‘murder’) but no longer contributes to children with AIDs or digging up landmines or anything jolly like that.

So incessant media attention MINUS charitable contributions EQUALS more annoying than ever.

What’s the Bluetooth Headset Captain Jack wears in Torchwood?

Sorry to disappoint you, guys – but Captain Jack’s stylish Bluetooth headset from the mediocre mess that was BBC’s Torchwood was actually a one-of-a-kind prop made from toilet rolls and washing up bottles in the BBC props department.

Ianto, Owen and the others, however, did use a real brand – the Jabra BT250v . You can get your own here.



Why do Christians hate gay people?

Christians technically don’t hate gay people.

Certain people claiming to be Christians (i.e. certain Evangelical groups) hate gay people, but they have as much to do with Christianity as Mormonism does. [Congrats, Militant Ginger. You managed to insult two religious demographics in a single sentence – Editorial Bear]

The truth be told, the official line is that no Christian ‘hates’ gay people. They just believe, rightly or wrongly [Erm, wrongly – Editorial Bear] that homosexuality is unnatural (despite it being practiced by a recorded 1,800 species of animals) and a sin against God.

They don’t hate the sinner, they hate the sin. This distinction does seem to confuse some Christians, hence the problems – but ‘hate’ is not the official line.

Anyway. While God was pretty clear on the matter (read Leviticus) his son, Jesus, was kind of ambivalent – a little like President Obama.

It’s possible to make a pretty convincing case against homosexuality using New Testament scripture (CK whipped me in this debate, so I have to give credit where it’s due) although I believe that Jesus was more about the ‘love your neighbor’ part of his belief system, rather than whether or not being gay was cool.

ибупрофен vs нурофен

I don’t even know what this means – nor do I know why it brought somebody to my blog! But I hope it has something to do with sexy Russian ladies in uniform.

I am so objectifying this lady right now.

Did Stephanie Meyer plagiarize Charlaine Harris?

Charlaine Harris, who wrote the Sookie Stackhouse series of vampire books, is often credited as the inspiration for Twilight. People have even accused Meyer of plagiarizing Harris directly – one commentor on this blog wrote “All you have to do is read Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series and L.J. Smith's Vampire Diaries and there's the whole storyline in all 4 of the Twilight books. Someone needs to sue this woman because she's just getting credit for what others have done and watering it down into her disgusting version. It's NOT FAIR!”

Personally, I think it’s difficult to accuse Stephanie Meyer of plagiarism, because the whole vampire genre is SO trite and derivative that there hasn’t been an original work of vampire-inspired fiction for decades. In fact, Meyer managed to inject a rare bit of originality into the genre by mixing it with the romantic tribulations of a narcissistic, self-obsessed teenager AND in making the whole series of books a clumsy metaphor for abstinence.

So, good for her.




Why can’t antibiotics cure the common cold?

One of the most annoying things about living in America is how people will rush to the doctors for a prescription of antibiotics as soon as they have the sniffles.

These people are retarded. They’re the idiots breeding antibiotic-resistant bacteria and driving up the cost of medical insurance. They’re too ignorant to research one of the most basic facts of modern medicine: Colds and flu are caused by viruses.

Antibiotics only treat bacteria. Taking antibiotics to cure your cold is utterly useless.

In fact, it’s more likely to make you sick than better, as each time you take antibiotics you perform a neat little holocaust of all the ‘good’ bacteria in your gut and screw up your digestion.

We can’t only hold the deeply stupid people who wolf down the pills responsible, though. Seriously lazy doctors have got into the habit of filling in these idiot’s prescriptions because it takes ten minutes to convince them that antibiotics are a waste of time, and just thirty seconds to give them the prescription they stupidly crave.

Educating the masses and convincing doctors not to pander to hypochondriacs is vitally important - unless we fancy all falling victim to an antibiotic-resistant super-bacteria five years in the future (hey, that's an idea for a book!)

The law, morality and Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

That’s not even a question. That sounds like the title of an undergraduate literature dissertation.

Twilight kind of went like this

Why do pirates wear eye patches?

Most people think pirates wore eye-patches to cover the hole in their skull where an eyeball used to be (remember, kids – cutlass fights are all well and good – right up until somebody loses an eye!)

But actually, patches were an essential accessory for bi-optic buccaneers as well.

On the sun-drenched seas of the Caribbean, an eye-patch was used during ship-to-ship combat. When a pirate descended into the bowels of a ship to loot the booty, he’d step from the sunshine on deck to the murky darkness of the unlit hold. As you’ll know if you’d ever had somebody shine a flashlight into your eyes, that renders you instantly blind – as it takes valuable minutes to build up ‘night vision’ after being in a well-lit environment.

Pirates would wear an eye-patch to force one eye to adjust to low-light conditions, so when they thundered downstairs into the lower decks of a raided galleon, they could lift their ‘patch’ and immediately see clearly in the darkness, without having to wait for their eyesight to adjust (which might lead to an adversary running them through in the mean time.)

It’s a good trick to remember. If you’re ever sneaking about outside, always keep one eye closed, so if the lights come on, or somebody shines a flashlight in your face, your ‘night vision’ won’t immediately vanish, leaving you temporarily blinded as soon as darkness falls again.

Which is better Nurofen or ibuprofen?

They’re both the same thing! Nurofen is an expensive brand-name pill that contains 200mg of ibuprofen – exactly the same dosage as the cheap, generic brand (but three times more expensive.)

Aside from an easy-to-swallow coating, they are exactly the same product – so use your noggin and plump for the generic pill when you get the chance. Anybody who tells you that brand-name pills have a ‘superior blend’ or similar rubbish are just buying into the hype.

Same drug, same thing – the only difference is whether you keep the difference in price, or you ‘donate’ it to a pharmaceutical giant (and believe me, baby, their profit margins make the oil industry look positively pauperish by comparison.)

Smith Cho drinks tequila in Knight Rider?

The delectable Smith Cho was one of the stars of Knight Rider’s aborted relaunch. In fact, as far as I was concerned, she was the star. Cute and funny and a mouthwatering sight in a bikini, she should have kept that show on the air even if Val Kilmer’s smooth-talking Ford Mustang didn’t.

There were other memorable parts of this episode - I just don't remember them

Anyway. In the third episode, Knight of the Iguana, our intrepid crew try to track down a stolen missile and to that end, Smith’s character – Zoe – poses as the hero’s wife and pours a bottle of tequila down him. It’s left ambiguous whether or not they got up to some tequila-fueled mischief later that evening - but I’d be thoroughly disappointed in the new ‘Michael Knight’ if he hadn’t! Girls like Smith Cho don’t come along very often.



Sweet, safe, grown-up pit bulls for sale?

If you’d read this post, you’d probably have realized that I’m not entirely convinced that pit bulls are ever entirely ‘safe.’ All dogs have the capacity to be dangerous - my wife was mauled by a tiny terrier when she was little - but I do believe that pit bulls are inherently more dangerous than most.

They're still beautiful animals, though.

Pit Bull - Bad dog, or just bad publicity?

In ‘Burn Notice’, what was the waist leather bag Fiona wears?



Fiona Glenanne, the former IRA assassin and femme fatale of USA’s Burn Notice, wears a Leather Hip Bag during some of her more dangerous missions and you can get one of your very own here.

Ask Militant Ginger

It's that time again! Where we sift through the search-terms that people have entered into Google and answer the questions that brought readers to Militant Ginger.

Is Stephanie Meyer an anti-gay supporter?

Stephanie Meyer, the author of the best-selling vampire melodrama ‘Twilight’, has been at the center of much discussion recently. Did she contribute towards the passing of ‘Proposition 8’, the controversial bill that banned same-sex marriage in California?

The issue seems to revolve around her affiliation to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The LDS, of course, are strongly opposed to same-sex marriage and equal rights for homosexuals. In fact, they were one of the strongest supporters of ‘Prop Hate.’

If Mormonism plays such an important part in Meyer’s life (which, by all accounts, it does) surely it’s logical to assume that she shares their attitude towards gay-marriage.

Well, I have a friend who’s a Mormon and if she’s taught me anything, it’s that Mormons defy expectations. They’re individuals and capable of making their own minds up on these issues. Generalizations are both stupid and inaccurate.

So while it’s a fair suspicion that Meyer might be 'for' Prop 8 – that’s a conclusion only reached by making several assumptions.

We assume that Meyer gives 10% of her income to her local church. Then we assume that this church supports Proposition 8 and other anti-gay legislation. That’s why most people assume she supports anti-gay legislation.

However, assumptions aren’t proof – and in her defense, it’s worth nothing that there’s no record of Meyer making a direct financial contribution towards supporting Proposition 8. Likewise, her church didn’t directly fund the campaign either (although over $190,000 was paid ‘in kind’ by the Church’s members.)

That’s proof that Stephanie Meyer’s didn’t directly support Proposition 8 - and even if she does support the measure, she’s remaining conspicuously quiet on the matter. Probably a wise move, as the Twilight franchise is very popular with some members of the LGBT community

What sort of car is a Furillac?

A Furillac? Well, it’s the monstrously powerful sports coupe driven by Simon Templar, in the first of Leslie Charteris’ ‘Saint’ novels.

Although The Saint is best remembered for driving a Volvo (or the fictional Hirondel) he actually started his career in crime behind the wheel of the equally fictional Furillac.

Charteris didn’t give much of a description of this car, but from the name (suspiciously like Cadillac) and the few words he did write, it’s safe to assume that it might have been a powerful American coupe much like the Cords of the 1930s.

In the novel ‘The Last Hero,’ later renamed ‘The Saint Closes the Case,’ Templar’s Furillac falls into the hands of the police and he hits the road in his friend Norman Kent’s Hirondel (a car loosely based on Charteris’ own Bugatti roadster.)

When Kent nobly sacrifices his life in the final pages of the novel (leaving Simon a note – ‘Nothing is Won without Sacrifice’) Simon seems to adopt the car as his own – and drives it for more or less the rest of his literary career.

(Cord picture courtesy of the Kilted Travel Agent)

Can you get a New Jersey driver’s license on a Tourist Visa?

No. In order to get a driver’s license in New Jersey, you have to have a valid VISA that is good for at least six months or more. Even the B-class Tourist Visa is only good for six months. Some states, however, do offer State driving licenses with less stringent regulations (and depending on the state, these can be exchanged for a New Jersey license after proving residency.)

What’s the British ‘English’ Mindset?

This is a question that could take an entire blog post to answer. Perhaps several of them!

From my point of view, the typical ‘British’ mindset isn’t always a positive one. Brits can be snobby – in both directions. ‘Reverse’ snobbery is rife and most people in Britain are instantly judged (and condemned) based on things like their accent.

Brits also have a tendency to hammer down any nails that ‘stand too tall’ and entrepreneurialism, ambition and success seem to be somewhat frowned upon. Brits should, to paraphrase Prince Charles, ‘know their place’ and be satisfied with it.

But moving to America, I have identified some typically ‘British’ traits that I do like. For example, Brits have a wonderful knack for keeping their mouths shut, whereas Americans (especially from New York) have an opinion about everything. Mummy Militant, for example, often frustrates me by claiming knowledge on things she really doesn’t know anything about.

But what this does mean is that Americans don’t take ‘no’ for an answer – and will give anything a try. While I find Mummy Militant’s self-confident ‘expertise’ somewhat frustrating, whenever she tries her hand at something I tell her she doesn’t know how to do – she more often than not manages to pull it off!

Redheaded men are ugly.

That sort of statement is exactly what I think of when I’m asked about the ‘typical British mindset.’

“Red-headed men are surely the most unattractive male specimens on the planet at the best of times,” wrote one British blogger I picked a fight with. “But they look even worse with their horribly pale, freckled skin..”

To be honest, I think somebody who makes an assumption that ‘all redheaded men are ugly’ is probably saying more about themselves than about redheads. What if they said the same about blacks?

Surely we’re all individuals – and should be judged as ‘attractive’ or not on a case-by-case basis, not lumped into one generalization.

Eric Stolz and David Caruso are two redheaded Americans who are generally regarded as fairly handsome. I know more than a few women who go weak at the knees when Caruso yanks off his shades in the opening moments of C.S.I. Miami (and I know a few more who laugh at the conceit.)

Rupert Grint, who plays Ron Weasely in the Harry Potter movies, is fast becoming a redheaded sex-symbol and plenty of girls I know have gone gaga over all the shots of his muscular arms (to be enjoyed in the latest movie, Half Blood Prince.)

Other redheads, like Simply Red front man Mick Hucknall, are often mocked as being unattractive – but it’s a universally acknowledged truth that Mick has more moist panties being hurled at him than any olive-skinned underwear model. In the case of this so-called ‘Ginger Stallion,’ sexiness is definitely subjective.

So I’ll say that redheaded men aren’t ugly – unless they are. Some are really strange looking goons (like Carrot Top) and some are matinee idols (like Charles Dance.) They might buck the trend for ‘tall, dark strangers’ but I’m pretty sure there are more than enough women out there who find a few freckles and a curl of ginger to be just what the doctor ordered.

(By the way, the redheaded model in the picture is from Model Mayhem. His name's Corey Tenold, and you can find his website here. Way to represent for us gingers, mate!)

How do you knock out power to a block of houses?

Oh my God! Why would anybody visiting my blog want to know this?

It sounds like the sort of thing a serial killer might find useful – although now my imagination’s working, I like to think it was some erstwhile adventurer googling goodies for a Simon Templar-inspired act of justice.

In any event, Militant Ginger IN NO WAY advocates attempting to knock out the power to a block of houses. DON’T DO IT. It’s illegal, highly dangerous, totally irresponsible and here’s how to do it:

As readers will know, America’s power system is a wondrous example of the free-market system at it's worst. Several companies compete for the right to supply your domicile with juice – but in the interests of profit, completely fail to maintain the grid in the meantime. This results in regular power-outages, ugly cables strung along the roadside and the ability to paralyze the entire eastern seaboard whenever a tree falls down.

It also means it’s ridiculously easy to knock out power to a block of houses. Absurdly so.

The trick is to find the local electric company’s ‘power box.’ This is a large, locally-situated generator/booster which boosts the power, or amps up the juice (or something) to make it strong enough to light up a row of houses. Knock that out (driving a car into it should work – as America’s drunk drivers regularly demonstrate) and you’ll send the block into darkness quicker than you can blink.

It’s not very scientific – and does carry the risk of electrocuting you – but it should work.

As I said earlier, though, DON’T DO IT. Don’t even THINK about doing it. The last thing I want to learn is that some stupid sod burnt themselves to a crisp driving their Honda Civic into an electricity pylon – especially if they did so after reading this post!

Will there be a sequel to Devil May Care?

Sebastian Faulks picked up Ian Fleming’s pen to write an anniversary James Bond novel on the occasion of Fleming’s 100th birthday. Devil May Care was the result – and was very highly received.

However, Faulks has already said he’s ‘unlikely’ to write a follow up. Initially reluctant to take the project in the first place, he feels that the next Bond novel (and Ian Fleming publications has promised there will be more) would be better suited to another author.

He suggested picking a ‘celebrity’ author for each progressive book – much like IFP had envisioned when Kingsley Amis first wrote ‘Colonel Sun’ under the nom de plume ‘Robert Markham.’

But Bond fans needn't despair. Charlie Higson is continuing to churn out the ‘Young Bond’ books. You haven't read the last of Britain's favorite secret agent!

Did Stephanie Meyer support Proposition 8?

Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight' saga has been wildly successful - especially amongst an audience that embraces romance, the supernatural and the concept of 'true love will out.'

Which is why Stephanie Meyer's publicity hounds are scrambling desperately to cover up accusations that Meyer, a devout Mormon who attended Brigham Young university in Salt Lake City*, donated a 'substantial' amount of money in support of 'Proposition 8.'

Prop 8, as I'm sure you already know, was the controversial voter referendum in California, which amended the constitution to redefine marriage as 'between a man and a woman' - thus rendering 18,000 same-sex unions null and void and banning gay marriage for the foreseeable future.

(The California supreme court upheld the amendment on appeal, but legitimized the 18,000 existing marriages.)

This isn't exactly surprising. 45% of out-of-state donations in support of Proposition 8 came from Utah, while 80% to 90% of all door-to-door campaigning against Gay Marriage was carried out by Mormons and members of the Church of Latter Day Saints**.

In all, Mormons donated approximately $20 million dollars to ban same-sex unions in California (some families donated their life savings and their kid's college funds.)

At the very least, a significant amount of money from Meyer's 10% 'tithe' she pays to the Mormon church would have been used to support Proposition 8.

However, accusations still abound that she donated more money directly to the campaign.

In any event, I know this would upset many fans of the 'Twilight' saga.

Most of the ones I know were avid opponents of Proposition 8 and would be very disappointed to learn that Meyer's romanticized version of 'true love' only extends to those of different genders.

NB - Bob, of the blog The Mormons Are Coming! refuted my claim in his blog post 'Did Twilight Fans Help Pass Prop 8?' He points out that no cash contributions were made to the 'Yes on Prop 8' campaign by the church. That being said, over $190,000 of 'in-kind' services were donated in direct support of Proposition 8 - which still leaves their members (including Meyer) culpable.

* ...actually Provo, Utah, an hour south of Salt Lake City, as corrected by the lovely Ashley - Kitty Copy Editor
** ...actually the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as corrected by Ashley - Kitty Copy Editor

'New Moon' trailer snaps teenage knicker-elastic all across America

Today, fans of Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight' saga were in official 'fan squeeee!' mode.

(For the benefit of Siger - a 'fan squeee' is the high pitched 'squeee' that emerges from a fan's mouth upon discovery of new or exciting material pertinent to their particular obsession.)

The reason for their excitement? The trailer of the latest adaptation of the Twilight books - New Moon - hit the Intertubes with a vengeance.

Read my dissection of the Twilight saga here.

In many ways, New Moon is both the best and the worst of the Twilight books. It's terrible because it sees snotty schoolgirl Bella Swan disintegrate into utter patheticness when she's dumped by pallid, prissy boyfriend Edward. (Apparently, vampire Edward doesn't trust himself or his family not to drain Bella of blood like a carton of Ribena.)

But while Bella is moping about, the book steps up a notch by following the saga of cheerful Native American 'Jacob,' played in the movie by a surprisingly buffed-out Taylor Lautner.

A love triangle, werewolves, motor cycles and cliff-diving make Jacob's antics far more exciting than the dreary romance between Bella and Edward - which is why New Moon promises to be even better than entertaining adaptation of the original Twilight.

Stephanie Meyer plagiarized Twilight?

Fans of Stephanie Meyer's seminal 'Twilight' saga were in for a shock today: They learned that the popular author was being accused of plagiarism by a former college roommate.

"She got those ideas from me," snapped stay-at-home mum Heidi Stanton, "I wrote a fictional short story with the same ideas when we were in college together!"

Given just how pervasive the Twilight phenomenon has been, it seems somewhat incredulous that Heidi could have been completely oblivious to her roommate's fame for the last half-decade - or, at least, to the four-book Vampire saga that some have labeled 'the new Harry Potter.'

Nevertheless, the mother of four has filed papers in Salt Lake City. Subsequently, production of the movie version of Meyer's second book, 'New Moon,' has been halted until this situation is resolved.

Is there any validity to Stanton's claim?

"Yes," says Doctor Peter Benton, who taught Heidi while she and Meyer were students at Brigham Young University.

"She did write a vampire story that stood out in my mind, at the time, because it was more advanced than most sophmore students usually presented," Benton claims. "Also, the vampire theme stood out because I had recently taught a series of lectures on Brahm Stoker's Dracula."

Whatever the contents of that short story, it's tenuous to believe that Stephanie Meyer could have spun that yarn out across four large books.

Hate it or love it, Meyer's saga resonates with a vast (mostly female) audience and it's difficult to believe that she owes all of that to a couple of pages written by her roommate in the early nineties.

Besides, who exactly owns the copyright on vampires?

But this is America - the most litigious nation on Earth. What's right, wrong or even factual in most civil court cases falls to the wayside when hungry lawyers and greedy plaintiffs spot what's really at stake - a big, fat chunk of somebody else's money.

I'm no great fan of Stephanie Meyer and her Mormon-inspired melodramas, but I certainly don't think these allegations ring true.

Twilight, the DVD

Editorial Bear Recommends: "Dissecting Twilight by Militant Ginger"

Like Harry Potter before it, it seemed like the incredibly hyped Twilight saga could never be translated to the movie screen without a cacophony of criticism - but director Catherine Hardwicke actually does a very respectable job.

Just as in the novel by Stephanie Meyer, the movie of Twilight opens with transplanted teen Bella adjusting to her new life in rainy Forks, Wa. It's a long way from the blazing sunshine of Arizona that she's used to.

Bella, played rather morosely by Kristen Stewart, seems like an intensely unlikeable girl - rude, dismissive and practically monosyllabic. Yet she effortlessly attracts the friendship of the school's cool 'clique,' plus the eye of sullen, solitary Edward Cullen - the high school heart-throb who all the girls in Forks are lusting after.

After a tedious courtship, Bella discovers the truth about Edward - he and his family are vampires, living in seclusion and surviving off a 'vegetarian' diet of woodland animals. Bella worms her way into the affections of Edward's family and they're the ones she turns too when a roguish trio of bloodthirsty bloodsuckers roll up in town with Bella on the top of their 'to bite' list.

The Cullen Clan - Hitler's Aryan ambitions finally find fruition.

Twilight is a fun, flimsy fantasy. It's a fairly faithful adaptation of the novel, but because the book was so emotive and introspective, it leaves the final script feeling a little lightweight. Some of the plotting is jiggled about to make the arrival of the 'bad' vampires more ominous, but the ending still feels like a bit of an anti-climax. The bad vampire, James, is grossly outnumbered by Edward's family and that deflates the dramatic tension.

Bad vampire 'James' makes a very bad decision picking a fight against all five Cullens

Much better is the cinematography - Hardwicke makes use of Washington's rainswept beauty almost reverentially. The screen comes alive with green and grey and you can almost smell the fresh rain and pine needles as you watch it.

Washington State - very pretty (but don't forget your umbrella)

Robert Pattinson, the quintessential teen-throb playing Edward, is also excellent. Despite being a British actor, best known for playing ill-fated student Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter saga, Pattinson's American accent is flawless and he broods with sizzling intensity.

Catherine Hardwicke's loyalty to the source material actually highlights some of the flaws in the Twilight saga. Bella and Edward's love affair seems trite and inconsequential, while the emphasis on physical beauty and material possessions seems rather shallow (Edward drives a sexy Volvo C30 and his family live in a gorgeous Skylab Architecture house.)

The 'Hoke' house by Skylab Architecture. Don't give them a hard time about the landscaping (or lack of it.) If all seven Cullens live in this two bedroom, they're obviously not that well off.

Nevertheless, fans of the saga will have already made peace with its more debatable details and will probably be thrilled that the entire movie sticks so closely to the story.

Nobody can deny that Stephanie Meyer's novel resonated with an immense audience - I believe much of what made it popular has been translated into the movie adaptation, too.

Twilight, starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, is available from Amazon for $17.99

More on Twilight

For those of you who enjoyed my take on Twilight, you might be interested to read this review on Heretical Ideas. Left Coast Cowboy Lisa Paul gave me the link (and her own take is highly amusing.)

In her review, Michele points out that all this vampirism-as-abstinence malarkey might win the approval of parents everywhere, but they ignore the slightly disturbing fact that a staid and sensible girl like Bella becomes so obsessed with sleek and handsome Edward that she's forced to go cliff-diving just for the chance to hallucinate his voice.

Yes, when I write it like that, it suddenly does sound silly.

As Michele wrote:

Her absolute dependence on Edward to even breathe – she can barely exist when she’s out of his sight line – is both worrisome and disturbing. Her every thought is about him.

Her every movement is dictated by her obsession with him. She throws herself at him to the extent that she is willing to be turned into a vampire just to spend eternity with him. Edward plays on all Bella’s emotions like a man who gets off on adoration.

He follows her, he appears in her room at night, he listens in, telepathically, on her friends’ conversations. He is there in every dangerous situation brought on by Bella’s clumsiness to rescue her and make her feel like she just could not make it another day alive without his knighthood. I don’t know about you, but over here we call that stalking.

Yet Bella seems unperturbed by Edward’s hovering and unflinchingly goes headlong into a dangerous, life threatening, almost one sided romance with him.

Take it whichever way you want, but there's some truth to what Michele wrote...

Dissecting Twilight

I hadn't even heard of the Twilight series of books until I wound up at the midnight launch party of Breaking Dawn (amidst countless teenage girls in prom dresses.)

However, Twilighters now seem to be everywhere and it seems like everybody's discussing them.

Stephanie Meyer's Twilight saga certainly has its detractors - Stephen King remarked that: "Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

However, that hasn't stopped the books being wildly popular. Now they're not my cup of tea (I find any books featuring vampires to be incredibly dreary) but I can see why they've become so successful. Say what you want about Stephanie Meyer as a writer, but you can't deny that she delivers very good 'product.'

I've heard accusations that the Twilight saga is nothing more than a teenage girl's wish fulfillment. Stephanie Meyer has certainly tapped into the eroticism and fantasies of that target audience - delivering a package that spoke directly to their subconscious desires.

However, on a deeper level, Meyer has written something about the nature of love and romance itself, which resonates with more than just the 'teeny Twilighters.'

Just like Harry Potter, to which the Twilight saga is often compared, Meyer's books have an appeal far beyond teenagers- although you wouldn't have thought that at the launch I went to.

In Twilight, Stephanie Meyer has done what every successful writer needs to, and focused on a specific audience when she created the characters, situations and emotions of the Twilight books.

As a result, that target audience of teenage girls love Twilight, because it speaks directly to them and their experiences. However, older women love Twilight too, because (to quote an old marketing manager of mine) "At heart, all grown-ups are aspiring teenagers."

But what specific elements make the Twilight books so popular?

Character Elements that make Twilight so successful:

Bella: The heroine of the Twilight saga is a blank slate, left deliberately devoid of distinguishing characteristics so the reader can more easily step into her shoes.

Second only to books written in the first person perspective, this is the easiest way for authors to suck readers into the world they have created.

Bella's story is one of a teenage girl's sexual awakening; her desire for Edward to turn her into a vampire is a grand, all encompassing romantic gesture similar to a teenage girl surrendering her virginity to the boy she loves. (It's hardly an original metaphor Meyer's used, but it's an effective one.)

Bella's final transformation, when she becomes a vampire in Breaking Dawn, is another metaphor - this time for the secret desire of every teenage girl to be transformed from an awkward, adolescent bundle of self-esteem issues into a beautiful, 'sparkling' creature full of grace, confidence and strength.

Bella's journey in the Twilight saga reads like a wishlist of teenage fantasies, which is compelling for her audience because Stephanie Meyer was so careful to avoid unnecessary characterization when she wrote about Bella. Therefore, it's blissfully easy for women and girls to see themselves in her stylish (yet affordable) shoes.

Edward: Impossibly beautiful, moody and sullen, yet incredibly seductive; Edward is the living embodiment of every teenage girl's crush.

Edward at first treats Bella abominably (just like kids at school bully the girls or boys they secretly fancy.) Then he reveals his hunger for Bella - in the entirely literal sense (he wants to drink her blood.)

Out of all the characteristics that make Edward every teenage girl's dream date, it's that hunger that's the most important. His desire for her blood is a metaphor for him desiring her - and for the danger that desire poses. Danger is sexy - and what's more exciting and erotic to a teenage girl than a beautiful, mysterious boy who desires her deeply, desperately and dangerously?

and that's not just a teenage girl's fantasy. Even my wife agrees that one of the sexiest things a man can do for her is make her feel beautiful and desirable.

Given that women are assaulted from all angles by unattainable representations of feminine beauty (the skinny girls in posters, the anorexic models on TV) perhaps the most powerful part Edward plays in the Twilight saga is simply making Bella (and, by extension, the reader) feel beautiful, sexy and desirable.

But to a lesser extent, Edward also represents the unattainable boy in high school. In addition to being beautiful and seductive, he's got all of the materialistic possessions teenage girls are supposed to be impressed by. A 'stupid, shiny' Volvo S60R [Yawn - Editorial Bear] and an Aston Martin V12 Vanquish.

Finally, you have to remember that Edward was born and raised in the early 19th century, making him the quintessential gentleman of every girl's fantasy. The fact that he refuses to make love to Bella until they're married is further wish fulfillment - the very opposite of most teenage girl's first experiences of love and sex.

Edward represents respect and romance and appreciation for Bella and for the gift she's honoring him with (her virginity.) That's a sharp contrast to the 'real world', where horny boys, devoid of romance, just want to 'do it' in the backseat of their Pontiac Sunfire.

Jacob: Oh, poor Jacob. He, too, represents a figure that features in most teenage girl's lives - the lovesick best friend - making him (like Edward and Bella) more of an archetype than a real character.

Jacob first appears in Twilight, where he suggests to Bella that Edward is a vampire. Bella likes Jacob enormously and Jacob develops a crush on her. What teenage girl hasn't experienced a male friend having a crush on her, while she's only interested in being friends?

This crush simmers through the book New Moon, but comes to a head in Eclipse, when Jacob (and his feelings for Bella) mature somewhat. In another twist that teenage girls will be familiar with, Bella discovers that she, too, has feelings for her 'just good friend' Jacob and they kiss.

Although the Jacob/Edward/Bella 'love triangle' totally fizzles out in the Twilight saga, it's another succulent situation Stephanie Meyer threw into her story, knowing that her target audience would devour it greedily, murmuring: "Oh, my God. This is just like my situation with [insert boy's name here.]"

Jacob makes the story of Twilight appear directly applicable to the reader's real life.

Jacob also serves as a reminder to Bella that her love for Edward is greater and more all-encompassing than her feelings for him. It validates the idealistic teenage belief that an unconsummated crush is more 'real' than feelings you might have for somebody you already know and care about.

Without Jacob as the 'friend with feelings' to mitigate Bella's romance with Edward, Edward could never ascend to become the archetypal romantic hero.

Jacob plays a vital role in making the Twilight saga resonate so successfully with female readers - but many agree with me that he basically got boned.

I was secretly delighted to to find myself discussing the situation with teenage Twilight fans at the launch of Breaking Dawn. Many of them hoped that the conclusion of the Twilight saga would see Bella end up with Jacob instead of Edward. No such luck!

Other Elements that made Twilight so successful:

Vampires: People love vampires. Just look at the success of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter. It was the books of Anne Rice that first invented the concept of 'noble' and misunderstood vampires - and the vamps of Twilight represent the very worst of those vampire clichés. They're beautiful and strong and sexy, rather than decaying corpses who thirst for blood. In Twilight, Stephanie Meyer has successfully tapped into the conventions that make vampire fiction so wildly popular.

High School: Twilight begins with Bella attending a new school in Washington, thousands of miles away from her old home in Arizona. The 'new school' scenario is tried and tested - one almost all of Meyer's readers will be familiar with, which just adds to the ease in which they can relate to Bella's story.

Sex: Stephanie Meyer writes about teenage sexuality with surprising skill and subtlety. Even Stephen King, who eviscerated Twilight in a recent interview, admitted that Meyer's description (and allusion to) teenage sexuality was what made the book resonate so strongly with a female audience:

"She's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up a kind of 'safe' joining of love and sex. It's exciting and it's thrilling, but it's not particularly threatening because it's not overtly sexual."

"A lot of the physicality is conveyed in ways, for example, like how the vampire will touch [Bella's] forearm or run a hand over her skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."

Whatever shall we make of the Twilight Saga?

Stephen King attacked Twilight because is was compared to J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter saga - and it doesn't take a literary genius to spot that Stephanie Meyer is no J.K. Rowling.

However, she's still an immensely talented writer.

Rowling's gift was in her vibrant imagination and the beautiful way she laid her visions out on the page. Stephanie Meyer's talent, on the other hand, is a powerful empathy for her target audience and the ability to transcribe a fantasy that speaks directly to them.

I think the Twilight saga is more 'product' than literature. That probably explains why it was scooped up by Little, Brown and Company just months after completion (whereas it took J.K. Rowling several years and many rejection slips for her bestsellers to find a publisher.)

Because of all the elements described about, Twilight is simply more 'bankable.'

But as I've often said, the proof of a great writer is not the recognition of their peers or the appreciation of the critics. It's not even in the awards the writing has won (and Twilight won the New York Times Editor's Choice, Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year and a place on the American Library Association's "Top Ten Best Book for Young Adults" and "Top Ten Books for Reluctant Readers.”)

A good writer simply writes what people want to read - and what captures their imagination.

The Twilight saga, if its millions of fans are anything to go by, certainly achieved that goal - which makes it a damn good series of books as far as I'm concerned.

Stephen King on Twilight

Stephen King raised a few eyebrows recently by claiming that Stephanie Meyer, author of the popular 'Twilight' series of books, doesn't deserve to inherit J.K. Rowling's 'teen queen' crown.

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they're speaking directly to young people... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can't write worth a darn. She's not very good."

Having just read Stephen King's memoir, On Writing, I am no stranger to the caustic remarks he reserves for some overrated authors (along with praise for his favorites.)

However this assassination is particularly interesting, since Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight' series of books take more than a few pointers from King himself - He's not credited nearly often enough with reinventing the vampire genre in his 1975 novel 'Salem's Lot.

That being said, his attack on Meyer wasn't as brutal as it could have been - he gives her kudos for (bad?) writing that still proves incredibly compelling for its intended audience:

"She's writing to a whole generation of girls and opening up a kind of 'safe' joining of love and sex. It's exciting and it's thrilling, but it's not particularly threatening because it's not overtly sexual."

"A lot of the physicality is conveyed in ways, for example, like how the vampire will touch [Bella's] forearm or run a hand over her skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that's a shorthand for all the feelings that they're not ready to deal with yet."

I find the whole spat rather fascinating, since King's attack on Meyer mirrors many criticisms made about his own writing over the years. Stephen King is a simply brilliant author, but for decades, his writing was dismissed as populist 'schlock' because it had the audacity to sell well.

It seems there's still a certain snobbery in the publishing industry - books that appeal to a wide audience and sell well are never taken seriously by the literati. There's 'literary' fiction (the stuff that wins Booker prizes) and 'popular' fiction (the stuff that sells millions of copies.) A powerful lobby within the publishing industry makes sure that 'never the twain shall meet.'

Stephen King represents just one of the authors who bridges the divide between literary and populist fiction. Books like The Dark Tower and The Stand are astonishingly complex masterpieces that just happen to appeal to a huge audience.

Seeing how King has been dismissed so often for his popularity, it seems somewhat unsportsmanlike to lay into Stephanie Meyer for exactly the same reason!

But then again, even by the most generous standards, Stephanie Meyer is no Stephen King.