Monday, January 25, 2010

Ask Militant Ginger

It's that time again! Another delve into the keyword questions that drove people to Militant Ginger.

Is Princess Diana more annoying dead than alive?

I don’t know – that’s a tough one to call. I would have to make a judgment call and say yes; because while the poor woman was still alive, at least the incessant media coverage about her was mitigated by the fact that ‘shedidaloddagudworkfurcharidy, mate.

These days, she’s still rarely off the telly in one form or another (mostly conspiracy shows about her ‘murder’) but no longer contributes to children with AIDs or digging up landmines or anything jolly like that.

So incessant media attention MINUS charitable contributions EQUALS more annoying than ever.

What’s the Bluetooth Headset Captain Jack wears in Torchwood?

Sorry to disappoint you, guys – but Captain Jack’s stylish Bluetooth headset from the mediocre mess that was BBC’s Torchwood was actually a one-of-a-kind prop made from toilet rolls and washing up bottles in the BBC props department.

Ianto, Owen and the others, however, did use a real brand – the Jabra BT250v . You can get your own here.

Why do Christians hate gay people?

Christians technically don’t hate gay people.

Certain people claiming to be Christians (i.e. certain Evangelical groups) hate gay people, but they have as much to do with Christianity as Mormonism does. [Congrats, Militant Ginger. You managed to insult two religious demographics in a single sentence – Editorial Bear]

The truth be told, the official line is that no Christian ‘hates’ gay people. They just believe, rightly or wrongly [Erm, wrongly – Editorial Bear] that homosexuality is unnatural (despite it being practiced by a recorded 1,800 species of animals) and a sin against God.

They don’t hate the sinner, they hate the sin. This distinction does seem to confuse some Christians, hence the problems – but ‘hate’ is not the official line.

Anyway. While God was pretty clear on the matter (read Leviticus) his son, Jesus, was kind of ambivalent – a little like President Obama.

It’s possible to make a pretty convincing case against homosexuality using New Testament scripture (CK whipped me in this debate, so I have to give credit where it’s due) although I believe that Jesus was more about the ‘love your neighbor’ part of his belief system, rather than whether or not being gay was cool.

ибупрофен vs нурофен

I don’t even know what this means – nor do I know why it brought somebody to my blog! But I hope it has something to do with sexy Russian ladies in uniform.

I am so objectifying this lady right now.

Did Stephanie Meyer plagiarize Charlaine Harris?

Charlaine Harris, who wrote the Sookie Stackhouse series of vampire books, is often credited as the inspiration for Twilight. People have even accused Meyer of plagiarizing Harris directly – one commentor on this blog wrote “All you have to do is read Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series and L.J. Smith's Vampire Diaries and there's the whole storyline in all 4 of the Twilight books. Someone needs to sue this woman because she's just getting credit for what others have done and watering it down into her disgusting version. It's NOT FAIR!”

Personally, I think it’s difficult to accuse Stephanie Meyer of plagiarism, because the whole vampire genre is SO trite and derivative that there hasn’t been an original work of vampire-inspired fiction for decades. In fact, Meyer managed to inject a rare bit of originality into the genre by mixing it with the romantic tribulations of a narcissistic, self-obsessed teenager AND in making the whole series of books a clumsy metaphor for abstinence.

So, good for her.

Why can’t antibiotics cure the common cold?

One of the most annoying things about living in America is how people will rush to the doctors for a prescription of antibiotics as soon as they have the sniffles.

These people are retarded. They’re the idiots breeding antibiotic-resistant bacteria and driving up the cost of medical insurance. They’re too ignorant to research one of the most basic facts of modern medicine: Colds and flu are caused by viruses.

Antibiotics only treat bacteria. Taking antibiotics to cure your cold is utterly useless.

In fact, it’s more likely to make you sick than better, as each time you take antibiotics you perform a neat little holocaust of all the ‘good’ bacteria in your gut and screw up your digestion.

We can’t only hold the deeply stupid people who wolf down the pills responsible, though. Seriously lazy doctors have got into the habit of filling in these idiot’s prescriptions because it takes ten minutes to convince them that antibiotics are a waste of time, and just thirty seconds to give them the prescription they stupidly crave.

Educating the masses and convincing doctors not to pander to hypochondriacs is vitally important - unless we fancy all falling victim to an antibiotic-resistant super-bacteria five years in the future (hey, that's an idea for a book!)

The law, morality and Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

That’s not even a question. That sounds like the title of an undergraduate literature dissertation.

Twilight kind of went like this

Why do pirates wear eye patches?

Most people think pirates wore eye-patches to cover the hole in their skull where an eyeball used to be (remember, kids – cutlass fights are all well and good – right up until somebody loses an eye!)

But actually, patches were an essential accessory for bi-optic buccaneers as well.

On the sun-drenched seas of the Caribbean, an eye-patch was used during ship-to-ship combat. When a pirate descended into the bowels of a ship to loot the booty, he’d step from the sunshine on deck to the murky darkness of the unlit hold. As you’ll know if you’d ever had somebody shine a flashlight into your eyes, that renders you instantly blind – as it takes valuable minutes to build up ‘night vision’ after being in a well-lit environment.

Pirates would wear an eye-patch to force one eye to adjust to low-light conditions, so when they thundered downstairs into the lower decks of a raided galleon, they could lift their ‘patch’ and immediately see clearly in the darkness, without having to wait for their eyesight to adjust (which might lead to an adversary running them through in the mean time.)

It’s a good trick to remember. If you’re ever sneaking about outside, always keep one eye closed, so if the lights come on, or somebody shines a flashlight in your face, your ‘night vision’ won’t immediately vanish, leaving you temporarily blinded as soon as darkness falls again.

Which is better Nurofen or ibuprofen?

They’re both the same thing! Nurofen is an expensive brand-name pill that contains 200mg of ibuprofen – exactly the same dosage as the cheap, generic brand (but three times more expensive.)

Aside from an easy-to-swallow coating, they are exactly the same product – so use your noggin and plump for the generic pill when you get the chance. Anybody who tells you that brand-name pills have a ‘superior blend’ or similar rubbish are just buying into the hype.

Same drug, same thing – the only difference is whether you keep the difference in price, or you ‘donate’ it to a pharmaceutical giant (and believe me, baby, their profit margins make the oil industry look positively pauperish by comparison.)

Smith Cho drinks tequila in Knight Rider?

The delectable Smith Cho was one of the stars of Knight Rider’s aborted relaunch. In fact, as far as I was concerned, she was the star. Cute and funny and a mouthwatering sight in a bikini, she should have kept that show on the air even if Val Kilmer’s smooth-talking Ford Mustang didn’t.

There were other memorable parts of this episode - I just don't remember them

Anyway. In the third episode, Knight of the Iguana, our intrepid crew try to track down a stolen missile and to that end, Smith’s character – Zoe – poses as the hero’s wife and pours a bottle of tequila down him. It’s left ambiguous whether or not they got up to some tequila-fueled mischief later that evening - but I’d be thoroughly disappointed in the new ‘Michael Knight’ if he hadn’t! Girls like Smith Cho don’t come along very often.

Sweet, safe, grown-up pit bulls for sale?

If you’d read this post, you’d probably have realized that I’m not entirely convinced that pit bulls are ever entirely ‘safe.’ All dogs have the capacity to be dangerous - my wife was mauled by a tiny terrier when she was little - but I do believe that pit bulls are inherently more dangerous than most.

They're still beautiful animals, though.

Pit Bull - Bad dog, or just bad publicity?

In ‘Burn Notice’, what was the waist leather bag Fiona wears?

Fiona Glenanne, the former IRA assassin and femme fatale of USA’s Burn Notice, wears a Leather Hip Bag during some of her more dangerous missions and you can get one of your very own here.


Eve said...

The Russian text transliterates to ibuprofen vs. nurofen. But, for some reason, the "vs." was left in the Roman alphabet. Huh.

Roland Hulme said...

Thank you for the translation, Eve! You're a wealth of knowledge. Ironic that somebody else had asked the same question. Still sad it had nothing to do with Russian women in uniform, but maybe next time.

Coffee Bean said...

You crack me up! I have to applaud you on your qualifying that Christians do not hate gays. You've come a long way grasshoppa!