Ask Militant Ginger

It's that time again - to tackle some of the genuine questions entered into a search engine that randomly led to my blog.

I'm now allergic to almonds and never was till I went into anaphylactic shock...

Ah, nut allergies. One of the most mysterious and growing allergies across the civilised world.

There are plenty of theories behind what's causing the massive increase in the number of people effected by nut allergies. Perhaps in your case, you had a 'bad nut.' I know my reaction to mussels started off when I ate a bad one.

But my blog is really the wrong place to go to find credible information on the subject (as illustrated by this popular post.) Instead, I'd recommend popping over to visit my friend at NoPeanutsPlease - which is an excellent blog exploring the realities of having a child susceptible to food allergies.

At the end of Death Proof, what happened to the cheerleader?

Tarantino's return to the big screen didn't quite live up to the hype. In his attempt to create a perfect pastiche of the cheesy, crappy 70's horror flicks he grew up with, he created a cheesy, crappy horror flick. Death Proof wasn't so-bad-it-was-good. It was just so-bad.

But the film raised some interesting questions. At the climax of the movie, the evil Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) had been driven off the road by stuntwomen Zoë Bell and Tracie Thoms. Rosario Dawson, playing leggy model Abernathy Ross, dispatches him with a stiletto-heel through the eye-socket.

But while the three of them were off smashing two perfectly good classic cars to pieces, their friend Mary Elizabeth Winstead (playing cheerleader Lee Montgomery) had been left behind to placate the unwashed yokel car-owner - who'd been lured into letting the girls take his car off by the promise of sexual favours from our unsuspecting cheerleader.

Her fate is a deliberate mystery. I think Quentin Tarantino wisely decided to let us draw our own conclusions regarding what happened to the cute little cheerleader. Doubtless, our imagination can provide a fate far more titillating than anything he'd be allowed to show on screen.

But imagining for a second that this isn't a Tarantino flick, I think it's fair to imagine that Lee explained her situation to the oversexed car-owner, who was a perfect gentleman and didn't press the issue. How he reacted to his Dodge Challenger being returned in several mangled, tattered pieces is another matter entirely.

Where is Pat Sissons going on Original 106?

My old colleague Pat Sissons has been driving Original 106's breakfast show since radio veterans Simon James & Hill swapped the early mornings for late nights. However Messieurs Hill & James have now left Original 106 - so a schedule shuffle has plonked Pat in their 6pm to 10pm slot. Tommy Boyd will be taking over the breakfast shift.

Pat's an enormously talented radio presenter and while Simon James & Hill will be tough act to follow - they've won three Sony awards for their ribald evening shows - I think Pat is more than up for the job. The best of luck to him!

I need to pee!

This isn't really a question - although it does make me wonder why so many people are being driven to my blog by this four-word phrase. I blame this post, which I wrote while frustrated at the speed at which my life was whizzing by.

Although it might equally refer to this post, which records my brief foray into the world of pharmaceutical sales, shifting a drug developed to treat 'overactive bladder.'

Whatever the reason, if you really, really need to pee, the solution to your problem is probably not to be found on the Internet. I'd recommend the nearest bathroom. Leave the tap trickling if you need motivation.

My Beer Machine beer is cloudy. Do you have any tips?

The Beer Machine! My most aspirational hobby - aside from novel writing - is attempting to brew foamy, delicious beer in this miraculous invention.

All in all, this process is beautiful in it's simplicity. The keg-shaped brewer is filled with water, 'beer mix' and yeast and then left to ferment for about five days. Following that, the fermented beer is chilled in the fridge to clarify it - theoretically producing a crisp, clear beer.

I have tried four brews in all - two in America and two back in England. While I have produced drinkable beer on all four occasions, there are several things an amateur brewer can do to dramatically improve the quality of his product.

• Use tap-water. It sounds abhorrent - the thought of using chlorinated tap water to brew your meisterbrau. However, the most important aspect of the brewing water is to keep it bacteria free. Bacteria can dramatically effect the taste of your brew - and never for the better. That's why spring water - even the stuff you buy in bottles - has to be boiled first. Chlorinated tap water is a quicker and easier option. I've tried brewing with tap water and Poland Spring and the tap water beer was astoundingly better.
• Keep it cold! All four of my brews have experienced cloudiness. This is caused by yeast swilling in the fermented beer. Only a long, cold period of chilling will help sink the yeast to the bottom of the barrel - producing clear beer. This is tough - I've yet to successfully manage it. However, there are two tips that might help.
• Firstly, after placing the Beer Machine in your fridge, keep it protected from taps or upsets. That will cause the yeast to swill (and the cloudiness will never fade.)
• Secondly, try to assemble the beer machine with the gravity spigot (the bit the beer feeds through to reach the tap) high up, out of the murky yeast sediment. It will mean your beer will 'run out' quicker, but should keep it clearer.

While The Beer Machine eliminates a lot of human errors, brewing beer successfully is still a science of trial and error. Keep brewing. Sooner or later, you'll crack it! And you have to agree - there's nothing quite as satisfying as enjoying a flagon of your own cold, foamy, home-brewed ale. The Beer Machine rules!

You can't turn left in New Jersey?

This is true! Sort of!

A commonly heard complaint from out-of-staters is the fact that you can't 'turn left' in New Jersey. No, this isn't quite literal. Cars do have turn signals on the left hand side (although few New Jersey drivers use them) and at junctions and traffic lights, you can turn left.

The 'no left turn' occurs on US Highways - two or more lanes of traffic in which the central partition is blocked by concrete blocks.

In New York and other states, if you want to cross the two lanes of incoming traffic, you can pull to a halt in the left hand (fast) lane and keep your turn-signal blinking until you have the opportunity to cross over the opposing traffic. On a busy day, however, this can block an entire lane of fast moving traffic.

In New Jersey, you can only turn 'left' on US Highways by using a 'jug handle.' This is an exit lane on the right (just like leaving a motorway) which curves ninety degrees to cross over all four lanes of traffic following a green traffic light.

This is how you're expected to make U-turns and left turns on the highway.

In theory, it speeds up the general progress of traffic by stopping selfish people from clogging up an entire lane of traffic. In practice, it's often frustrating because you have to double back on yourself (sometimes by as much as a mile or so) if the next 'left turn' jughandle isn't for a while.

Frustrating as it is, it's a pretty foolproof method. However, you'll still see plenty of idiots trying to make illegal left turns as long as traffic conditions allow it (i.e. there isn't a cop within sight.)

Ask Militant Ginger will be back in February...

Ask Militant Ginger...

Due to the wonders of the Internet, I'm able to actually look up what led people to this blog.

Some of the things people enter into the search engines are just bizarre strings of random words, but some are actually legitimate questions.

Therefore, I have decided to run a monthly 'Ask Militant Ginger' column to answer some of the pressing questions that people have sought me out to answer.

My cat ingested a peanut. What should I do?

Peanuts might prove to be a choking hazard for little kitty, so if he's hacking and yacking onto the floorboards it might be worth giving him a rattle (the kitty Heimlich manoeuvre) or taking him to the vet.

If Cat has successfully swallowed the peanut, I don't think you have anything to worry about - except perhaps you shouldn't be taking your cat to the sports bar with you. In all seriousness, cats can eat peanuts quite happily (although they prefer Whiskers) and I do know a certain kitty who seems to adore licking peanut butter off the spoon and has very rarely died from it.

My Jaguar V12 is 'pinging'.

'Pinging' or 'knocking' is suggestive of early fuel ignition in your engine. It might be worth taking it to a mechanic to have your timing checked. Another solution would be to raise the octane of the petrol you're currently using - switching from regular unleaded (95 octane) to Super Unleaded (98 octane) might solve the problem. I have written about it here.

Get it fixed, though, because 'pinging' indicates damage is being done to your engine and those V12 jobbies are quite difficult to replace!

Am I allergic to Cheerios?

By Cheerios I take it you're referring to the breakfast cereal and not the traditional British farewell.

Cheerios are lightly toasted whole-grain oat cereal and generally don't come adorned with any sugar or anything like that. If you experience symptoms an allergic reaction after eating Cheerios, if might be due to a wheat allergy. My advice is to stop eating them.

I have a fear of being clean.

Ablutophobia is the fear of washing or bathing. Consult a psychiatrist or you will find your social circle shrinking VERY quickly.

Can I travel to Paris if I have a peanut allergy?

It depends. Did you intend to eat many peanuts there?

Joking aside, Paris is one of the most cosmopolitan and fantastic cities in the world and if you get a chance to go there - jump at it!

However, it's worth nothing that the French manage to eat pretty much everything - sometimes not even bothering to cook it - and remain thinner, healthier and less prone to allergies and obesity than the average Brit or American. Therefore, they don't have much patience for traditional Anglo/American 'food bullshit.'

Your requests for vegetarian, low-carb and organic produce might fall on deaf ears in a corner bistro. Peanut allergy is not as talked about or catered to as it is in America.

In general, however, you should be fine visiting Paris as long as you don't eat anything containing 'cachuetes' which is the French word for peanuts.

I have allergies set off by cats. What happens if I travel on an airplane with a cat on it?

Cats travelling in the cabins of an airplane are quite rare - most are stowed below with the baggage in a safe container.

However, if a cat is allowed into the cabin in a soft container, you might find your allergies acting up depending on the proximity to the feline in question.

Jane B., an allergy plagued contributor to Travel Talk, shares her experiences:

"I didn't realize the airlines let cats fly in the passenger cabin until I was on a full flight and thought I was coming down with a terrible cold. I was sneezing and blowing my nose so loudly that I started hearing meows under my seat. I am allergic to cats and I can tell you I was not at all happy when I discovered a cat under my seat."

I would recommend asking the stewardess at check in whether a cat is on board and how close it is to your seat. Although most of the air is recycled on an aircraft, it is filtered and therefore as long as you're a few seats away, you should be able to enjoy the flight without hassle.

If you do find yourself sitting close to a flying cat, make notes. You probably have a lawsuit to exploit (ah, America. The land of litigation.) This means that a few hours spent sniffling and sneezing (which will annoy your fellow passengers far more than a kitty ever could) might earn you free flights, upgrades to first class or (worst case scenario) a place of that Homeland Security 'Strip-Search at Every Opportunity' list.

Whatever happened to Knut, the Berlin Zoo bear?

Read my original story about him here!

Knut, the abandoned Polar Bear raised by a zoo-keeper at Berlin Zoo, is alive and well! Just over a month shy of his 1st birthday, the Animal Rights Activists have failed to 'liquidate' the bear like they threatened to and Berlin Zoo is enjoying a financial boom thanks to 'Knutmania,' which has spawned numerous toys, DVD's, books and television specials.

Who is Paul Burston's agent?

Paul Burston, novelist and gay editor of Time Out London, mentioned his agent in an interview I did with him a few months ago. Paul's represented by Sophie Hicks at Ed Victor. He speaks very highly of her as an agent and they seem to be an excellent match.

I'm not sure if she'd appreciate your unsolicited manuscript, however!

Simon James & Hill?

What kind of question is that?

Somebody is a fan of Simon James & Hill and has been checking for updates on Original 106's bad-boys fairly regularly.

Well, following Original 106's horrible RAJAR results in May of this year, the Simons have been shifted from Original's breakfast show to an evening slot at 7pm.

This has meant Pat Sissons and Danielle Perry have taken over the breakfast show and a damn fine job they're doing of it. I've worked with both Pat and Danielle before and I think they're a great duo, very talented and far more 'on target' for Original's audience than Simon James & Hill were. In Hampshire and the South Coast, the competition for breakfast listeners is very fierce and it's only going to get fiercer with Original's 'A' squad hitting the airwaves.

No disrespect intended towards Messieurs James & Hill.

In my original post on the subject I suggested that the two talented presenters were not suited to Original's breakfast audience. It didn't mean they weren't good (they have the Sony awards to prove it.) With their riotous antics and laddish humour, I think they'll fit in very nicely to the the evening slot just like they did when they ran TLRC's critically acclaimed evening network show.

Simon James took exception to my opinions at one point (he even called me a cock, the wee urchin) but I had never intended to insult him or his colleague. I was merely suggesting - and Original's presenter-shift seems to back my opinion up - that Simon James & hill are the boys you want to party long into the night with - and not have to wake up to the following morning!

Joking aside, I do wish Simon James & Hill the best in their new slot and will be watching the RAJAR figures with interest.

How is Harry Osborn disfigured in Spider-Man 3?

If you go to Blockbusters, you can rent the movie and find out for yourself.

Harry Osborn (played by James Franco) goes a little nuts in Spider-Man 3 and becomes the 'new' Green Goblin in order to seek vengeance against Spidey (who he blamed for killing his father, the original Green Goblin.)

He picked the wrong time to do it, since Spidey was going through a bad-ass phase thanks to an alien-symbiotic suit (Venom) that enhanced his abilities by unleashing his anger. Harry was thoroughly whipped by Spider-Man during their last confrontation and a 'pumpkin bomb' he desperately threw to turn the tables on the Webslinger was callously hurled back an instant before it exploded. The blast horribly mutilated the side of Harry's face.

Later, however, Harry and Spidey got over their differences and Spider-Man 3 ended happily (well, as happily as it can considering Harry got impaled by Venom and died in his friend's arms.)

The Spider-Man trilogy actually sticks pretty closely to the comic books, but the scene in which Harry gets disfigured never actually took place. In the comics, Harry goes mad and becomes the new Green goblin, as in the movies. However, it's the chemicals he ingested that finally kill him. He dies just as ruggedly handsome as he lived.

Who are WorldVoice-News-Experts?

Also known as WorldVoiceNews-Experts, these guys are a bunch of scam artists who send aspiring writers promising emails in order to 'phish' their personal details, which sets them up for identity theft and barrages of spam.

If you receive an email from them, click the 'spam' button. If you're really dedicated about making a go of your writing, you'll find a real gig sooner or later.

Well, that's it from 'Ask Militant Ginger' for this month.

I hope it's been interesting and educational. If you have a question for Militant Ginger, feel free to email it to me (via my profile, above) and I'll get around to it for the next time.