Forget Mexican drug cartels - how Homeland Security is protecting us against Canadian sheep

Down in the south, there's a war going on. The border between Mexico and the United States has become a battleground, as illegal immigrants and drug cartels cross into American territory with impunity; bringing with them crime, violence and misery.

This is what the Mexico/US border looks like

But don't expect Homeland Security to do anything about it. They have bigger fish to fry; as I discovered this week.

Epic jacket was epic

Following the demise of my ankle-length leather duster (bought for the princely sum of $69 dollars from the Burlington Coat Factory)  I ordered a replacement winter coat from Canada - an RAF greatcoat modeled after the one worn by Captain Jack Harkness, on Torchwood.

.38 Webley sold separately

Today was the day it was meant to arrive in the post - but no such luck. Instead I received a report that my jacket was "detained at customs" because agents were concerned it was manufactured from that most dangerous and illegal of all contraband - wool.

Now, admittedly, I have a bad track record with border security (I've been detained, deported, have goods lost, stolen, broken and confiscated) but of all the flimsy excuses I'd ever heard for stopping a shipment, the chance that it contained wool must rank amongst the most ridiculous.

Is this America's greatest enemy?

I mean, is there some great woolen conspiracy I'm unaware of? Are American wool manufacturers finding themselves swamped by cheap wool from Canadian sweat(er)-shops? Have enterprising French-Canadian drug barons figured out a way to lace cardigans and jumpers with cocaine to sneak across the border into Vermont?

I couldn't tell you - but I can tell you that I'm narked.

I mean, the United States is essentially in a de facto state of war along the Mexican border and Homeland Security is concerning themselves with my coat? Because it's made out of wool?

I mean, I don't claim to be an expert, but I'm pretty sure thousands of sheep in Vermont trot gaily too and fro across thousands of miles of undefended Canadian border each and every day - and none of them get stopped and frisked by men with guns (or maybe they do. Perhaps those are considered Black sheep Ops.)

Anyway. As a result I have to wait an extra week for my beautiful new coat; and hundreds of criminals down south will be able to use my sartorial distraction to continue smuggling drugs and people into America with impunity.

Way to go, American border control! Another victory to your name!

Is America Victorious?

“They just don’t get it,” said one England fan – over the New York Post’s controversial decision to declare Team USA’s 1-1 draw with England on Saturday a ‘victory.’

Sorry to say, it’s the England fan who doesn’t ‘get it.’ The qualifier was the subhead: “The Greatest Tie since Bunker Hill.” We Brits clearly require an injection of historical perspective from time to time.

Bunker Hill was the 1775 battle between British forces marching out of Boston and the Colonial Army, dug in at Breed’s Hill (Bunker Hill was actually nearby, and played little part in the battle.) The Brits mercilessly assaulted the American fortifications, but found the Colonial Army to be a far tougher nut to crack than they’d anticipated (at that early stage in the war, the British still considered the Colonial Army to be an ill-trained militia of farmers and boys. Bunker Hill taught them otherwise.)


The American troops were disciplined and focused – General Putnam, leading the Colonial Army in the field, uttered the famous line “Don’t shoot ‘till you see the whites of their eyes” as the Brits clambered up the hill to assault the American fortifications – only to get driven back by a hail of point-blank musket fire.

Eventually, after a long and bloody battle, the British succeeded in taking Breed’s Hill and claimed ‘victory’ - yet they suffered over a thousand causalities – more than twice the loss of the Colonial Army. British commander General Clinton ruefully admitted: “A few more such victories would have shortly put an end to British dominion in America.”

Historians have generally placed the score as a nil-nil draw; noting that the Americans decimated the British forces and escaped swiftly from the field of battle – even preventing their wounded from being captured. British General Burgoyne later admitted that the American retreat had been “no flight; it was even covered with bravery and military skill.”

From a broader perspective, this ‘draw’ was undoubtedly a victory for the United States. It was the single greatest blow to the British Army during the whole War of Independence. It hardened King George III’s resolve to crush the insurrection – and increased support for the Independence movement across the thirteen colonies. In many ways, Bunker Hill was the turning point; turning a rebellion against taxation into a de facto battle for Independence; one that ultimately resulted in the birth of the United States.

But is it fair to compare the Battle of Bunker Hill to America’s 1-1 ‘victory’ on Saturday?

Well, considering that America has never gone further than the semi-finals of the world cup – and spent 40 years in qualifying exile after their one-time victory against England in 1950 – I think it is. To have drawn even with the England Team is nothing short of a victory. It means the Americans are still in with a shot of advancing into the quarter-finals. In that respect – in that the venerable England team failed to decisively knock the Americans out of the competition – the draw was as much a Pyrrhic victory for England as the Battle of Bunker Hill ultimately turned out to be.

America's 'victory' over England

According to some, football is a matter of life and death. Most Brits, on the other hand, feel it’s far more important than that.

Which is why an awful lot of English people have got their knickers thoroughly in a twist about today’s cover of the New York Post, in which the Americans loudly proclaimed a 1-1 ‘victory’ over England.


“It’s either a joke, or they just don’t get it,” one England fan surmised on Twitter.

I respectfully disagree. It’s not a joke and they clearly get it better than anybody in England does.

I caught the last fifteen minutes of the game in French on my SIRIUS radio and the moment the whistle blew, our Quebecois cousins concluded the same thing as the New York Post: “It wuz zee victory for zee Americans, non? Because zey did no lose.”

Besides, there’s something somewhat ironic about us complaining about this headline: Back in 1950 – on the only occasion the Americans have ever beaten England – the British newspapers were so confused by reports that the Americans had won that they assumed it was a typo; and the daily papers went ahead to report an England victory all the same. That’s considerably worse than reporting a draw as a ‘victory.’

It’s basically just snobbery on the part of us Englanders – magnified because we’re clearly the ones who don’t ‘get it’ - it being that our team definitely came away as losers on Saturday.

Kosovo

Poor old Kosovo.

Since 1999, this little province of Serbia has been under United Nations administration. The vast majority of the Kosovo population - up to 90% by some estimates - are ethnic Albanians and want to secede from Serbia and become their own ruling country.

In theory, this is fair enough. The vast majority of the population want to break free from Serbian rule and when you're talking about such a vast percentage of the population, it's kind of reasonable to bow to democracy.

However, two obstacles stand in their way.

Firstly, the United Nations made Resolution 1244 in 1999, which said that Kosovo could not become an independent country without their thumbs up.

Secondly, Serbia itself is fiercely opposed to letting it's province break away. It's taken brutal military action in the past to ensure that Kosovo remains under their jurisdiction.

Serbia's obsession with Kosovo dates back. Way back.

The Battle of Kosovo

It was actually the Battle of Kosovo, in the year 1389, that really set this whole unfortunate situation up. Until that time, Kosovo was part of a medieval Serbian state and her population was made up of Slavic Serbs. However, the advancing armies of the Ottoman Empire had their eye on this prize piece of land and in 1389, the armies of Prince Lazar of Serbia and Sultan Murad of the Ottoman Empire clashed to decide possession.

The Ottoman's outnumbered the Serbs two-to-one and scattered the defending army. Prince Lazar himself fell to Ottoman swords. However, defeat was not total. A cunning Serbian knight, Miloš Obilić, assassinated Sultan Murad just after the battle, leaving a vacuum at the head of the opposing army.

The battle of Kosovo left the region in the hands of the Ottoman Empire. However, they'd regrouped after Murad's death and a small portion of Kosovo remained under the leadership of the Serbian House of Branković, which was little more than a vassal state under de facto Turkish authority.

Following the Battle

Kosovo remained firmly in Ottoman hands for the next five hundred years. However, the Serbs never forgot the crushing defeat of 1389 and talk had always been of one day reclaiming what they saw as Serbian territory.

In fact, Serbia had made sporadic strikes into Ottoman territory throughout the last decades of the 19th century. In 1912, under the united banner of the Balkan League (along with Montenegro Bulgaria and Greece,) they moved forward in a united push. The Kingdom of Serbia reconquered Kosovo.

However, the demographics of their prize left it hard to hold onto. The vast majority of the population was Muslim, loyal to the Ottoman Empire. The only option was a powerful surge of recolonization, matching the Albanian population with Serbs loyal to the Kingdom.

What followed was a rather brutal period of ethnic cleansing, with ethnic Albanians driven from Kosovo's towns and cities and replaced by Serbs. This was seen as 'revenge' for the 1389 Battle of Kosovo (as any James bond fan will know, the Eastern Europeans have long memories.)

So with a larger Serb population in place and Serbian troops stationed to enforce sovereignty, the Conference of Ambassadors in London (in some ways, a forerunner to the UN) acknowledged Serbian sovereignty in Kosovo.

World War I

And that should have been the end of the story, but it wasn't.

The outbreak of World War I changed everything. Serbian troops, fighting against the Austro-Hungarian Empire - were forced to retreat from Kosovo territory. This enabled the Albanians, who joined the fight in support of the Germans and Austro-Hungarians, to surge into Kosovo and 'liberate' it from the Serbians.

And it was liberation, no doubt about that. The vast majority in Kosovo was still ethnic Albanian and they heralded the 'invasion' with cheers.

It wasn't until the end of the war, in 1918, that the crippled Serbian army had recovered sufficiently to press home a counter attack.

Unable to count on the support of the Central Powers, who were themselves battling the British, French and Russian armies, the Albanians retreated and Serbs once again swept into Kosovo - committing countless atrocities and ethnic cleansing to once again lay claim to this war torn province.

Following the War

The peace treaties that ended World War I saw Slovenia, Croatia and Serbia (including Kosovo) united in a great Kingdom of Yugoslavia.

While Yugoslavia was a largely Serbian/Slavic state, the territory of Kosovo still consisted of an 80% Albanian population. In 1921, they begged the League of Nations to allow them to secede from Yugoslavia and join their countrymen as part of Albania. This request was refused and the Serbs identified Kosovo as a troublesome province that needed sorting out.

This 'sorting out' consisted of even more colonization and ethnic cleansing.

Land and housing was roughly appropriated from the Albanian population and an estimated 150,000 Albanian Muslims were forced from Kosovo soil. Vasa Cubrilovic, a Serbian intellectual, was the father of this plan - a simple solution to reduce the Albanian population of the territory by simply deporting them.

World War Two

The Serb/Kosovo conflict played an important part in the treatment of the territory during World War II.

The Nazis swept into Serbia from the north and the fascist Italians, under Mussolini, conquered Albania and Kosovo in vengeance for the Italian army's defeat at their hands in 1920.

Soviet Influence

Following the defeat of Germany and Italy at the hands of the Allies, Kosovo was once again clumped with Serbia in another European restructuring. The parliament of the newly reconstructed Yugoslavia then democratically elected a communist ruling party and the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia was born.

Although at first allied with the Soviet Union, Yugoslavia remained an independent communist state following president Josip Broz Tito's falling out with Stalin.

As part of his regime, Tito planned to end the hundreds of years of ethnic antagonism between Serb and Albanian by way of his Brotherhood and Unity policy - the belief that all Yugoslav ethnicities should be recognized as equal national groups and coexist peacefully in the federation.

What followed was a relatively blissful time for Kosovo. Although part of Yugoslavia, their province was pretty much autonomous and the Albanian population even had independent Albanian-speaking schools and universities to reinforce their cultural identity.

In fact, the living and economic prospects and freedoms the Albanians enjoyed in Kosovo were so good that actual Albanians fled their post-war People's Republic to come to Kosovo!

The rise of Slobodan Milošević

Tito's successful regime was based partly on his policy of subjugating the Serbian majority. While Kosovo was made up of an Albanian population, Serbs themselves made up the majority of Yugoslavia's 12 million residents and it was only by reducing their influence that the Brotherhood and Unity policy could work.

Within Yugoslavia itself, Serbia was as autonomous as Kosovo - recognized as a Republic. This led the Serbian leaders to start questioning their place in the Yugoslavian federation. In 1986, the Serbian Academy of Sciences and Arts (SANU) decided that Serbia was contributing more than her fair share.

It was Kosovo that angered them. Since they'd started enjoying the fruits of Tito's regime, the government in Kosovo had been strengthening the position of the Albanian majority by firing Serbs from positions in government and industry. The Serbs living in Kosovo rebelled and protested.

This led a relatively unknown communist party member, Slobodan Milošević, to travel from the Republic of Serbia to meet with the Kosovo Serbs and see if he could quell their anger. There, he witnessed Kosovo police beating the protesting Serbs.

In an impromptu speech that won him the support of Serbs on both sides of the border, Milošević was seen on the Serbian evening news announcing to the Kosovan Serbs: "No one should dare to beat you again!"

He followed his new-found popularity by returning to the Serbia and organizing a coup d'etat. Slobodan Milošević became president of the Serbian Republic and leader of Yugoslavia.

Kosovo under Milošević

The regime change in Kosovo was brutal.

It went beyond countering discrimination of Serbs by the ethnic Albanians. When Milošević took power, he immediately revoked the autonomy of Kosovo and replaced her leaders with his own men - strengthening his position in Yugoslavia.

The Province of Kosovo lost it's government and political institutions. Albanian language media, such as the newspaper Rilindja and radio and television broadcasts in Albanian, were banned outright.

Serbian troops replaced the police and security forces. The Albanian-language university was disbanded, throwing over 20,000 students onto the streets. All the sovereignty and identity Kosovo had enjoyed since 1945 was eliminated overnight.

Kosovo became a police state - so tightly controlled by the Serbs that 80% of the Albanians found themselves unable to find work. Families were faced with starvation under Milošević’s rule.

The Fall of Communism

Meanwhile, as the Berlin Wall fell and communism ended across Eastern Europe, there was common cry throughout the other republics that made up the Federation of Yugoslavia. They wanted independence.

In 1991, Croatia and Slovenia both broke from the Yugoslav Federation, to be closely followed by Bosnia and Herzegovina. Slobodan Milošević strongly opposed this succession and what followed was a brutal period of violence and bloodshed known as the Yugoslav Wars.

The Battle for Independence

In order to regain control of these errant territories, Slobodan Milošević equipped Croatian and Bosnian Serbs (who made up a minority in their respective republics) with supplies, weapons, money and leadership in order to combat their governments and prevent each nation's independence.

It was a bloody struggle. Milošević's Serbs fought with ferocity and brutality. Their tactics were violent and inhuman - in Bosnia, for example, Serbs ruthlessly massacred 8,000 boys and men in the town of Srebrenica just to avoid them possibly fighting for independence.

In the end, it took the UN and NATO bombardment to quell the atrocities the Serbs were committing and bring about the independence of Bosnia and Croatia.

Kosovo Seeks Freedom

The success of the breakaway Bosnia and Croatia inspired Kosovo to break free from Milošević's oppressive rule as well. In 1995, Albanians organized into the Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA) and launched a bitter campaign of bombings and murders against Serbian police and civilians living in Kosovo territory.

It was a situation that mirrors struggles for independence throughout the ages. To the people of Kosovo, the KLA were Freedom Fighters. To the people of Serbia, they were terrorists.

The Serbian response was brutal. In 1997, as the KLA grew in strength, Serbian police responded to attacks by killing dozens of civilians, both women and children. Over 300,000 Albanians were 'displaced' by the Serb forces. Tens of thousands of Albanians fled to the woods, where they faced a bitter winter without adequate food or shelter. Serbian security forces committed atrocities, murdering hundreds of civilians as they fought the KLA.

But after the successful independence of Croatia and Bosnia, it was difficult for Milošević to retain control of the disputed territory. The United States did not recognize the KLA as a terrorist organization and the US envoy, Richard Holbrooke, was photographed with KLA members, further strengthening the independence movement's legitimacy.

As more and more atrocities emerged, the United Nations offered Milošević a deal. Stop the military action in Kosovo or watch American bombers reduce Belgrade to rubble.

When Milošević failed to negotiate, the bombing started. The goal of NATO was clear - to get Serb forces out of Kosovo, to bring United Nations peacekeeping forces in and to allow the hundreds of thousands of Albanian refugees back home.

But Milošević did not go down easy. Serbs stepped up their campaign of ethnic cleansing, killing hundreds and driving almost a million Albanians from their homes. They called it Operation Horseshoe - a deliberate plan to ensure the 'Serbinization' of Kosovo by driving the ethnic Albanian population out.

It was only after continued bombardment that Milošević surrendered. His Serbian forces withdrew and a UN Peacekeeping Force, backed by NATO troops, entered Kosovo to help bring stability and peace.

As American tanks rolled into Kosovo, the grateful Albanian population, both young and old alike, greeted the NATO troops by cheering and throwing flowers.

The Aftermath

As the smoke cleared, UN Security Council passed Resolution 1244 - placing Kosovo under transitional UN administration until her fate could be determined.

Bruised and bloodied, Slobodan Milošević tried to consolidate his position in Yugoslavia by calling early elections - and ordering his security forces to assassinate his political opponents.

However, when the opposition party won the first round of elections, Milošević rejected the decision and in doing so, sparked 'The Bulldozer Revolution,' which saw his regime collapse. His back-up plan, a brutal coup d'etat, was foiled when the Army commanders he'd counted on to support his regime refused to support him.

Vojislav Koštunica took the presidency - and without the immunity of the highest office, Yugoslav officials arrested Milošević and delivered him to the United Nations, where he was charged with the atrocities committed by his Serbian forces during the Yugoslav and Kosovo wars.

He died from a heart attack in the detention centre of The Hague.

The Future of Kosovo

For almost eight years now, Kosovo has been under the authority of the United Nations - and during that time, the population has continued to demand independence from Serbia.

While the international community generally acknowledges Serbia's sovereignty over the province, there is widespread sympathy for Kosovo. The vast majority of the population is not Serbian and has no ties to that country. After Croatia and Bosnia successfully battled for independence, it seems grossly unfair that this small province should be denied the same right.

But there's more at stake than just the future of the ethnic Albanians.

Russia, a traditional ally of Serbia and a fellow Slavic nation, is battling her own independence problem in breakaway states such as Chechnya. If the United Nations was to accept Kosovo's right to breakaway from Serbia and become independent, it would put great pressure on Russia to allow member states to do the same.

In addition, there are still Serbs living in Kosovo. If the country did become independent, Serbia would most likely send troops to protect the minority population still living there. As recently as the 1980s, the ethnic Albanian population has show itself just as capable of discrimination as the Serbs.

Right now, there's stalemate.

The Americans and British are backing Kosovo's independence, which is clearly the right thing to do. Kosovo has a long and bloody history as a pawn between greater powers. The nation deserves an independent run.

However, the Russia we see now is very different from that which gave grudging support to the UN in the days of Milošević. Premier Vladamir Putin is harboring a warm nostalgia amongst his people for the days of Communism - it's been just long enough for them to have forgotten what it was like really like living under the regime of the Hammer and Sickle.

Putin knows that the future of his country hands in the balance. The decision of the UN will either support or break apart his fragile hold on member states with itchy feet. Now that Russia has regained some of her former clout, this ruthless KGB officer will fight tooth and nail to ensure that the UN plays the game on his terms.

Kosovo itself in a betting chip in a newly reenacted battle between East and West.

Normal Service will Resume Shortly... (Fingers crossed!)

Today is my final day in the office. Two more footloose days in blighty and Tina and I will be zooming up to Gatwick to catch our plane.

Firstly - and most importantly - it means we're going to be out of internet contact for at least the next few days. In modern society, that's the equivilent of having your arm hacked off. On the other hand, perhaps it'll be refreshing not to have to delete sixty emails each morning from Nigerian 'businessmen' offering you millions of laundered dollars if you'd only give them your bank details.

Secondly, it means the impossible is about to happen. We're going back. We're REALLY going back. And America awaits like an enormous blank canvas. Assuming, of course, the immigrations men in rubber gloves actually let me through.

They should do. My paperwork's all kosher.

We're flying out on the 3rd of June. Ironically, that's the same date last year that I started this blog.

I originally started blogging to chronicle my experiences getting back to America. Tina and I have been waiting since we got married in 2003 and I would hardly have believed that my goal would have been accomplished in just twelve months. I thought our immigration journey would carry on forever.

But it didn't. It's happened and it's here.

This means the nature of my blog will change. Anybody who's been reading it so far (Hi, Dad!) will have seen a mish mash of reviews and articles and podgy editorial pieces. and some reviews. Those where awesome!

The inconsistent content came about because I didn't have anything specific to write about. Now I do. Arriving in America is just going to be the first step in a whole new journey as I find myself a home, a job and a whole new life.

So stay tuned. There should be some good stuff coming up.

But not for a while. It'll probably be at least a week before I blog again.

Next time I write, it'll be in America!