Is America Victorious?

“They just don’t get it,” said one England fan – over the New York Post’s controversial decision to declare Team USA’s 1-1 draw with England on Saturday a ‘victory.’

Sorry to say, it’s the England fan who doesn’t ‘get it.’ The qualifier was the subhead: “The Greatest Tie since Bunker Hill.” We Brits clearly require an injection of historical perspective from time to time.

Bunker Hill was the 1775 battle between British forces marching out of Boston and the Colonial Army, dug in at Breed’s Hill (Bunker Hill was actually nearby, and played little part in the battle.) The Brits mercilessly assaulted the American fortifications, but found the Colonial Army to be a far tougher nut to crack than they’d anticipated (at that early stage in the war, the British still considered the Colonial Army to be an ill-trained militia of farmers and boys. Bunker Hill taught them otherwise.)


The American troops were disciplined and focused – General Putnam, leading the Colonial Army in the field, uttered the famous line “Don’t shoot ‘till you see the whites of their eyes” as the Brits clambered up the hill to assault the American fortifications – only to get driven back by a hail of point-blank musket fire.

Eventually, after a long and bloody battle, the British succeeded in taking Breed’s Hill and claimed ‘victory’ - yet they suffered over a thousand causalities – more than twice the loss of the Colonial Army. British commander General Clinton ruefully admitted: “A few more such victories would have shortly put an end to British dominion in America.”

Historians have generally placed the score as a nil-nil draw; noting that the Americans decimated the British forces and escaped swiftly from the field of battle – even preventing their wounded from being captured. British General Burgoyne later admitted that the American retreat had been “no flight; it was even covered with bravery and military skill.”

From a broader perspective, this ‘draw’ was undoubtedly a victory for the United States. It was the single greatest blow to the British Army during the whole War of Independence. It hardened King George III’s resolve to crush the insurrection – and increased support for the Independence movement across the thirteen colonies. In many ways, Bunker Hill was the turning point; turning a rebellion against taxation into a de facto battle for Independence; one that ultimately resulted in the birth of the United States.

But is it fair to compare the Battle of Bunker Hill to America’s 1-1 ‘victory’ on Saturday?

Well, considering that America has never gone further than the semi-finals of the world cup – and spent 40 years in qualifying exile after their one-time victory against England in 1950 – I think it is. To have drawn even with the England Team is nothing short of a victory. It means the Americans are still in with a shot of advancing into the quarter-finals. In that respect – in that the venerable England team failed to decisively knock the Americans out of the competition – the draw was as much a Pyrrhic victory for England as the Battle of Bunker Hill ultimately turned out to be.

America's 'victory' over England

According to some, football is a matter of life and death. Most Brits, on the other hand, feel it’s far more important than that.

Which is why an awful lot of English people have got their knickers thoroughly in a twist about today’s cover of the New York Post, in which the Americans loudly proclaimed a 1-1 ‘victory’ over England.


“It’s either a joke, or they just don’t get it,” one England fan surmised on Twitter.

I respectfully disagree. It’s not a joke and they clearly get it better than anybody in England does.

I caught the last fifteen minutes of the game in French on my SIRIUS radio and the moment the whistle blew, our Quebecois cousins concluded the same thing as the New York Post: “It wuz zee victory for zee Americans, non? Because zey did no lose.”

Besides, there’s something somewhat ironic about us complaining about this headline: Back in 1950 – on the only occasion the Americans have ever beaten England – the British newspapers were so confused by reports that the Americans had won that they assumed it was a typo; and the daily papers went ahead to report an England victory all the same. That’s considerably worse than reporting a draw as a ‘victory.’

It’s basically just snobbery on the part of us Englanders – magnified because we’re clearly the ones who don’t ‘get it’ - it being that our team definitely came away as losers on Saturday.

American Football

Last night, I watched football with my brother-in-law.

American Football, of course. Not the 'real' kind - where people actually use their feet.

But watching two games - the Pittsburgh Steelers against the New York Jets and the Washington Redskins against the Dallas Cowboys - I came to a startling conclusion.

It was good stuff! And this is coming from a confirmed sports-hater. I hate English 'footy.'

Soccer, or what we Brits call Football, is a limp, pathetic game these days. A bunch of coiffured metrosexuals run up and down the pitch, hurling themselves to the ground every time they trip over a blade of grass.

Games are hardly ever won on goals any more. It's normally nil-nil until the end of the game and then it's all decided on a penalty shootout (or what the Americans have dramatically relabelled - SUDDEN DEATH!)

Why do they bother with the 90 minute kick around if it's all decided in the penalty box? It's the same flaw as with Formula 1 (where they could shelve the race and just have a competition to see who can change tyres the fastest.)

It's so dreary and unexciting and there simply isn't any sportsmanship any more.
But American Football?

That's still a GAME.

Take last night's game against the Jets. The Pittsburgh Steelers - one of the finest teams in the National Football League - were on top of them by a good three points until the last few minutes of the 4th quarter. Then the Jets blitzed through their defence - and when it's four 300lb men running at 25mph, that's quite a blitz - and evened the score.

It was nail biting stuff - decided in extended time when the Jets snatched victory with a brilliantly played touchdown.

When was the last time a soccer match had been so exciting?

Although the Jets/Steelers game was nothing compared to the Redskins/Cowboys.

[Cowboys versus Indians? Really? - Editorial Bear.]

Until the final few minutes of the game, the Redskins were on top of the Cowboys. Then, in just a couple of minutes, the tables had been turned by a few clever plays.

Suddenly the Cowboys were ten points up - and emerged victorious.

It's always nail biting stuff. The game twists and turns and underdogs can emerge victorious with a few clever moves.

Soccer vs. Football

What's great about American football is the way it's played.

Like rugby, the goal is to cart that pigskin down across the 'touchline' at the other end of the field. In order to do this, the coaches plan 'plays' - which is where tactics enter into the game that are simply unheard of in football.

The quarterback plays here. He passes to this receiver. He makes a run down this line. It's all planned out in advance.

Like a cavalry charge, each play is plotted out by the offensive line and the defenders try to make a defensive play. There are feints and bluffs and double bluffs and one clever idea can change the course of an entire game.

It's tactical, it's smart and it's exciting.

In comparison, soccer is just an opportunistic kick around. There are no real tactics.

Aside from being a more tactical and exciting game, American Football is also a lot more entertaining. These big 300lb men run like freight trains, hammering into each other in a way that would have David Beckham widdling himself.

Even rugby clashes can't compete with the sheer power of these bulging men as they hurl themselves at each other.

Plus, of course, no American Football game is complete without the stunning antics of the hyperactive cheerleaders. Beautiful girls doing acrobatic things. A neat little reminder that the testosterone filled world of sports is a firmly heterosexual one.

And whether that's politically incorrect or not, it does make a refreshing change from the poncy European soccer players, forever advertising moisturiser and shampoo on television.

American Football. Game on.