Thursday, September 22, 2011

Forget Mexican drug cartels - how Homeland Security is protecting us against Canadian sheep

Down in the south, there's a war going on. The border between Mexico and the United States has become a battleground, as illegal immigrants and drug cartels cross into American territory with impunity; bringing with them crime, violence and misery.

This is what the Mexico/US border looks like

But don't expect Homeland Security to do anything about it. They have bigger fish to fry; as I discovered this week.

Epic jacket was epic
Following the demise of my ankle-length leather duster (bought for the princely sum of $69 dollars from the Burlington Coat Factory)  I ordered a replacement winter coat from Canada - an RAF greatcoat modeled after the one worn by Captain Jack Harkness, on Torchwood.

.38 Webley sold separately
Today was the day it was meant to arrive in the post - but no such luck. Instead I received a report that my jacket was "detained at customs" because agents were concerned it was manufactured from that most dangerous and illegal of all contraband - wool.

Now, admittedly, I have a bad track record with border security (I've been detained, deported, have goods lost, stolen, broken and confiscated) but of all the flimsy excuses I'd ever heard for stopping a shipment, the chance that it contained wool must rank amongst the most ridiculous.

Is this America's greatest enemy?
I mean, is there some great woolen conspiracy I'm unaware of? Are American wool manufacturers finding themselves swamped by cheap wool from Canadian sweat(er)-shops? Have enterprising French-Canadian drug barons figured out a way to lace cardigans and jumpers with cocaine to sneak across the border into Vermont?

I couldn't tell you - but I can tell you that I'm narked.

I mean, the United States is essentially in a de facto state of war along the Mexican border and Homeland Security is concerning themselves with my coat? Because it's made out of wool?

I mean, I don't claim to be an expert, but I'm pretty sure thousands of sheep in Vermont trot gaily too and fro across thousands of miles of undefended Canadian border each and every day - and none of them get stopped and frisked by men with guns (or maybe they do. Perhaps those are considered Black sheep Ops.)

Anyway. As a result I have to wait an extra week for my beautiful new coat; and hundreds of criminals down south will be able to use my sartorial distraction to continue smuggling drugs and people into America with impunity.

Way to go, American border control! Another victory to your name!


Susanne said...

Ha! You are so funny.

But I am sorry you have to wait a week for your new coat! Boo!

Andy said...

HA! This post made me chuckle, Roland. Seriously chuckle. Love the pics.

Brother, I have NO idea what customs is thinking with the wool deal. But, you are spot-on. Government does almost everything ass-backward.

We truly have serious problems, and if we are not able to install some true "small government" people in office (from the White House on down to City Hall), government will continue to screw up everything enjoyable about life.

It seems that regardless of who is in charge, government has steadily consumed more and more throughout my adult life...taken over more...botched more...from education, to public works projects, to unsustainable pensions/benefits, even to fraud & waste in military operations.

It is broken.

And, now we're looking at putting our health care in the hands of this bunch of retarded folk.

Roland, we're screwed. I see little hope outside of a massive restructuring. And, even the most optimistic among us would doubt it will ever happen.

Good luck on the coat. Wear it in good health, and enjoy the gubmit investigation you'll likely undergo because of it.

We're screwed.

Roland Hulme said...

Susanne - definitely a "first world problem" I'm experiencing. ;-)

Andy - You're absolutely right. It is kind of indicative of the completely backwards thinking that goes on in a bureaucracy. While the bods in government are spending millions defending America against Canadian sheep, how many Americans get killed, or are the victims of crime, from borders left undefended down south?

Saqib Imran said...

.38 Sale Separately its nice very nice i like also the Dressing like an Italian Mafia Boy is Great....!!!

The Dirty Scottish Bastard said...

That's quite the coat. I hope that you get it soon and that border SS realises that you are a mere connoisseur of fine woolen coats unlike the agent that selected your coat for further inspection.

I suspect however that the agent in question probably thinks that London Fog is the end all be all in overcoats and just wanted to see what he is missing by being a narrow-minded government lackey.

Let me know how you like your new one. I'm actually in the market and this is perfect. If you could forward along the website that you purchased it from that would great. Enjoy!