The Flaw with the 2nd Amendment...

I'm not sure if any of you heard about this, but in Colombia, South Carolina, a four year old girl accidentally 'exercised her 2nd Amendment rights' with her grandmother's concealed handgun.

The girl fortunately survived the gunshot wound to her chest - and South Carolina police didn't press charges against her grandmother (we are talking about South Carolina, here.)

It did raise some interesting issues, though - like what the hell a 47 year old grandmother was doing with a handgun concealed in her purse. I didn't realise shopping at Sam's Club Wholesale Store was so dangerous!

The woman in question, aside from being an idiot, was a county magistrate and claimed that her job was 'dangerous' enough to warrant carrying a concealed weapon. The authorities were more than happy to issue her a 'Carry and Conceal Permit (we are talking about South Carolina, here.)

However, herein lies the flaw I've identified with the 2nd Amendment...

Most of the people in America who vehemently defend their right to own handguns are the last people in the world who should be owning handguns.

Seriously, the first rule of disqualifying somebody for a 'Carry and Conceal' permit should be the fact that they applied for a 'Carry and Conceal' permit in the first place.

I absolutely agree with private gun ownership - but only for people who are quite rightly terrified of guns, hate them and keep the damn things in pieces, locked up in a safe in their basement.

The people who love guns - who fetishize them [You just made that word up - Editorial Bear] should immediately be banned from ever owning them.

• Seriously - you own more than three handguns? Clearly not the sort of person we want wielding a semi-automatic.
• You think the mattress-mounted bedside shotgun rack is an essential part of your home defence strategy? You are NOT sane enough to own a scatter gun.
• If you have ever used the expression 'Guns don't kill people... People kill people' unironically, [You just made that word up too - Editorial Bear] you are CLEARLY two cans short of a six pack.

Basically, if you think guns are 'sexy', it's quite possible you're missing that essential brain-component that makes you a good candidate to own a weapon. Shotguns and handguns are for farmers, police officers and secret agents. Suburbanites like us should consider a Louisville Slugger all we need to defend our homes and family.

Actually, scratch that. I'm personally with the philosophy you'll find over at our partner blog, Renaissance Babes. Who the hell wants to own a loud, messy, dangerous gun when you could be wielding the ultimate in personal defence equipment - a sword!

"I don't see why so many Americans get their knickers in a twist about the 2nd Amendment, since swords are so much cooler than guns."

New York Renaissance Faire 2007

This weekend, we visited the amazing New York Renaissance Faire - an enormous exhibition celebrating the good 'olde' days.

Located in Sterling Forest, just outside Tuxedo in upstate New York, the whole event sounded like a lot of fun. In order to attend, however, it was necessary to dress the part. Nothing makes you stick out more than sneakers and a t-shirt!

For me, that meant another chance to wear the kilt (and I watched Highlander the night before to get in the mood.) Tina and our friends went for more fashionable attire. You can see below what this season's Well Dressed Wench is wearing...

The faire itself takes place in a custom built arena deep in the rolling oak forests of upstate New York. There's an entire village there, which the participants call "the shire." It comes complete with pubs, restaurants, shops and a jousting arena, plus handy street signs and road names (the 'privies' are located on Spend Penny Lane) to prevent anybody getting lost.

The first thing you notice about the faire is how enthusiastic the participants are. There is a permanent cast wandering about, featuring Queen Elizabeth I, Robin Hood and his Merry Men and various Squires, Serfs and wenches.

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However, the people attending the fair tend to be fully costumed and in character too. British accents abound (of varying degrees of quality) and some truly outstanding costumes make it difficult to tell the difference between the enthusiastic visitors and the people who work there.

The historical period in which the fair is set is very loose. Although the period is supposed to be vaguely Elizabethan (hence Her Majesty wandering about) you will see Vikings and Highlanders brushing shoulders with pirates and even Robin Hood and his Merry Men.

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The emphasis is on having fun and getting into character, rather than keeping everything historically accurate. As one person described it to me: This is medieval period how it was meant to be - with no bigotry, racism or open sewers.

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Bearing that in mind Tina and I went off to explore.

Annie met her heartthrob, the dashing Captain Jack Sparrow.

Tina decided to try her hand at a bit of archery.

I went hunting for the Loch Ness Monster!

Tina then got friendly with a local pirate. Very friendly!

A Viking and I discussed the dire state of the long boat industry.

Tina visited a local pub, where she was introduced to the way medieval people apparently drank mead. I'm not quite sure I entirely believed that one. The mead was delicious, though.

Throughout the day, events and theatre kept us entertained. One of the most dramatic shows was the jousting, which was thrilling stuff even if it came across as a bit choreographed (which is presumably the only way you can do it safely.)

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You could even buy pennants to support your favourite knight, with the proceeds going to the upkeep of the horses.

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Unfortunately, my favourite, named after the fictional Ulric Von Lichtenstein from the movie A Knight's Tale, fared very poorly.

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Two of the other riders were inexplicably named Francis 'Ducky' Drake and Sir Walter Raleigh, after two of England's greatest naval heroes (who presumably weren't great jousters.)

Although it wasn't on the same epic scale as the jousting, one of the highlights of the faire was a short play called The Perfect Scoundrels, which was performed enthusiastically by two actors with highly convincing British accents (even by my standards.)

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It appealed to me because it was very much in the mould of a British pantomime, right down to trainee thief Thomas actually turning out to be a girl disguised as a boy.

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There were cracking one liners aimed at the adult audience (at one point, Tom accuses his mentor of having 'fingers stickier than Lady Godiva's saddle.') There was audience participation for the kids (when one of the Scoundrels barks out: "If it's not nailed down?" the audience responds in chorus: "It's free!") Plus, most importantly, there was loads of thrilling sword fighting, beautifully choreographed and lots of fun to watch.

After enjoying the action for a while, Tina and I decided to be part of it ourselves again, so we continued to explore.

Tina tried out as a mature student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

I asked the important question: Does this club make my bum look big?

I took time out to appreciate the Fair's plentiful supply of delicious beer - which normally results in where all four of us ended our day.

In the pillory!

I had enormous fun. Really, it was probably the best day I've had since coming back to America.

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Because everybody - guest, employee and vendor - got into the spirit of the faire, it made it a far more interesting experience than a sanitized Disney theme park or stale museum.

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Renaissance really seems to be a lifestyle, into which people immerse themselves entirely. Creating a medieval persona. Buying the costume. Learning the skills and perfecting the accent. It's a wonderful, liberating thing.

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Having encountered Asian knights and African American Highlanders at the faire, I realise now that Renaissance creates a micro society that seems to recognize no boundaries of age or race.

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You don't have to be who you are. You can be who you want to be. And the more you believe in the noble (or dastardly) persona you create, the more rewarding the whole thing is.

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Notes

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The New York Renaissance Faire continues every weekend and US Labor Day until the 23rd September. It's located in Sterling Forest, Tuxedo NY and is very easy to find. Admission is $20 and costumes can be rented for the occasion (because if you wear capris and a tank top you'll just look dumb.)

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The Perfect Scoundrels was written by Katherine Harte and Nathan DeCoux and performed by Nathan Decoux and Emily Rouch. Presumably they're not available for Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs, so don't ask. They carry swords.

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Out of the myriad traders at the faire, the ones that really grabbed our attention were:

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Knightly Endeavors - http://www.knightly.com/

Earthtone Instruments - http://www.earthtoneinstruments.com/

Black Prince Armory - http://www.blackprincearmory.net/

Sphere Play - http://www.tryouttoys.com/

Hollow Earth Swordworks - http://www.hollowearthswordworks.com/

Madd Hatter - http://www.maddhatterhats.com/

Medieval Metal - http://www.hairtwisters.com/

Foolonastick - http://www.jakes-toys.com/

Highland Secrets of Suzanne - http://www.highlandsecrets.com/

Cloud McCleod - http://www.rareearthflutes.com/

Heart's Delight - http://www.heartsdelightclothiers.com/

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There were many, many more (like the wonderful Crow's Nest, where we met the pirate Tina is dallying with above) but many didn't have websites.

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After all, this is the middle ages!