Playboy in trouble?

Hugh Hefner's been dialing back on the bunny food - Playboy Enterprises has taken another hit this year, with revenue falling 26%.

This has led to some pretty drastic changes over at the mansion - including the decision to cut back on circulation of the flagship Playboy Magazine and combine July and August's issues.

What does that mean? No more Miss July, for a start!

Playboy is still one of America's most iconic brands, but it's clean-cut image, old-school print business model and the horrible economy are all conspiring against the Empire of the Bunny.

I'm very sad - since coming to America, I've been mentioned on Playboy Radio and become involved in editing a magazine similar to the 'golden era' Playboys of the sixties and seventies. If trouble lies ahead for an American icon like 'the bunny,' what hope do the rest of us have?

Sending Playboy my resume...

(I'm only posting this here so I can email them the pictures!)

Dear Playboy Radio Morning Show Crew (Kevin, Andrea and Manchild)

My name is Militant Ginger – I’ve been lucky enough to be mentioned on your show once (because I used to own Governor McGreevey’s Lincoln Town Car – the one he had the mucky threesomes in the back of.) I listen every day – but because I’m on the East Coast, I only get to hear the repeats. El suck.

McGreevey’s Lincoln can now be seen daily at ‘Ken’s Autobody and Scrap,’ Piscataway, NJ

Anyway. I wanted to reach out to you with my resume – as Hugh Hefner’s replacement.

It strikes me that Hef probably only has another forty or fifty years doing what he does before he decides to move onto new projects (I’m guessing televangelism.) Following his departure, it strikes me that the mantle of ‘World’s Greatest Gentleman Playboy’ would pass into obscurity forever unless a new champion was found and I’d like to suggest myself for that role (in forty or fifty years, I’ll be exactly the right age.)

Hugh Hefner – World’s Greatest Playboy – with 40 or 50 of his closest girlfriends

Now, I know I might not seem like a logical choice – I’m British, married, suburban and very unlikely to be mistaken for Brad Pitt in a lineup – but I believe what I lack in good looks/charm/applicable talents I more than make up for in ambition and planning. Besides, I wasn’t always a sweater-wearing dad. Back in the day, I used to be quite the Playboy myself!

Militant Ginger during my Playboy days…

In my favor, I do have the following:

• A suave British accent and a knowledge of fine boxed wines
• An impeccable sense of style (if we were still living in the 1970s)
• Distinctive ginger hair, making me easy to spot in a crowd of bunnies
• A valid green card
  

I will also bring with me my beautiful wife, who I believe is Bunny-worthy herself and has more than an academic interest in centerfolds, plus my adorable son, who is anxious to start his career with the Playboy empire even though he’s only nine months old.

He can start by answering the phone. He’s grown very adept at hanging up on his grandmother and has mastered the phrase: “Bububububu” (with a raspberry at the end) which makes him at roughly at the same level as your regular called 'Cookie Monster.'

My Bunnylicious wife, suave son and a random picture of the Cookie Monster

As far as for what I could bring to the Playboy empire itself… Well, here my suggestion:

In order to shield Playboy from the economic crisis and the decline of the print media industry, I would pioneer a branch out into one of great industries from Hugh Hefner’s time – supervillainry. (Yes, I know that isn’t a real word.)

I believe the Playboy Mansion would make an excellent Evil Lair. Bond villains and evil masterminds typically fill their hideouts with beautiful women, so we’ve already got that covered. The rest could be filled in with just the following few improvements:

• Fill the grotto with man-eating sharks with lasers attached to their heads.
• Add a ‘No Swimming’ sign to the grotto.
• Add two or three underground nuclear missile silos on the East lawn.
  

In many ways, the Playboy Mansion would be an improvement on secret Evil Lairs of the past, as the Playboy Mansion’s actually in the phone-book, which makes taking delivery of hijacked nuclear warheads, kidnapped secret agents and man-eating shark chow that much easier. Plus pizza.

Man-eating Shark with lasers attached to their heads – an essential for the Playboy Grotto

I hope you will seriously consider my application as Hugh Hefner’s replacement. I already have a pair of silk pajamas on order and those things don’t come cheap, you know! I look forward to meeting you all when I move into the mansion.

With warmest regards – and many thanks for your entertaining show.

Militant Ginger

Goodbye Bettie Page

During her heyday, fifties pinup Bettie Page was scandalous, shocking and the very epitome of unbridled sexuality. These days, she's looked back on as the queen of adorable cheesecake photography, as family-friendly and wholesome as white bread and full-fat milk.

She was the quintessential Playboy Centerfold (January 1955 Edition) and arguably helped usher in the sexual revolution of the sixties. Although always appearing upbeat and chipper, her personal life was one of personal tragedies she never let overcome or define her.

She passed away peacefully in Los Angeles, aged 85. But because she withdrew from public life during her heyday, most Americans will always remember her the way she looks above; Beautiful, smiling and totally unashamed.

Bettie Page was a true American Legend and she'll be missed.

Cleavage Combating Cancer?

Okay, I'll admit it. I don't get invited to any cool parties any more (not that it matters. Wifey, Baby and I will stay at home and have cool parties all of our own, thank you very much - and you're not invited to any of them!)

But I did recently - by no less than Tara Mack, host of Playboy Radio's awesome dating game show Play Date. Admittedly, the event was open to everybody, but I did actually get a personal email invite from Tara herself - meaning that finally, at long last, I can kid myself that am one of the cool kids.

Unfortunately I couldn't attend, since hours-from-delivery Tina would probably not have been impressed if I'd disappeared off to Los Angeles instead of being in the hospital with her when she gave birth (and she couldn't have gone herself in case her water broke on the dance floor.)

But the important thing is that I got an invite. And by all accounts, we missed a fantastic bash.

The event was a massive fund raiser Tara had organised for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, dedicated to helping those affected by leukemia and blood cancers. It's a cause everybody at Playboy Radio feels very strongly about - not least of which because Playboy Radio's own superstar Nicki Hunter was diagnosed with lymphoma early last year.

The party was apparently a blast - literally heaving with Playboy legends like Christy Canyon, Vanessa Blue, Tiffany Granath and morning show presenter (and former Special Edition Playboy model) Andrea Lowell. Awesome prizes were up for grabs and Tara hosted a live version of her quick-fire dating quiz with some of her loyal listeners.

The only downside to the awesome event was that Tara and company failed by a mere smidgen to achieve their fundraising goal. So I thought I'd ask any of my readers who might know somebody affected my Leukemia or Lymphoma to visit Tara's fundraising page and donate just a few dollars to this excellent cause.

You can make a VeriSign secured donation through www .active.com here.

Hopefully Tara will be able to reach her goal and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society can continue their excellent work.

Oh - and if you have SIRIUS Radio, don't forget to tune into Tara Mack's Play Date every weekday at 5pm Eastern on SIRIUS Channel 198.

Can Playboy Radio Save Your Relationship?

Since human civilization first arose, over seven and a half thousand years ago, man has continued to make startling developments.

He invented the wheel. The steam engine. He split the atom, sent men to the moon and now stands on the brink of cracking open the human genome itself, harnessing the very building blocks of life.

But despite all those achievements, it seems man is still no closer to understanding the oldest, greatest enigma of all.

Women!

But help is at hand, in the form of Playboy Radio presenter Tara Mack.

Every weekday afternoon, Tara opens the phone lines on Play Date. This quick-fire quiz offers a surprisingly candid glimpse into the enigmatic female brain - and helps a succession of hapless male callers hone their relationship skills.

The principle is simple. Tara, along with celebrity judges and female listeners, sets up a series of 'dating challenges' male callers have to overcome. These range from the simple (like coming up with romantic poetry) to the sublime - such as the cringe-inducing round in which callers have to wriggle their way out of a merciless hypothetical argument.

The show ends with callers competing for the celebrity judge's favor - by answering increasingly awkward questions as if they were trying to woo the lady five minutes before closing time at a swanky bar.

But the appeal of Play Date isn't so much the games themselves - although the behavior of the enthusiastic male callers are often laugh-out-loud funny. It's actually in the witty banter between Tara Mack and her team of scathing female judges.

Male listeners should sit poised by their SIRIUS radios, notepad in hand. You can learn a lot from these ladies!

The girl's chat reveals a surprising amount of the female thought process - revelations that would often surprise even the most confident Casanova.

For example, the average man might think flowers and chocolates were the ideal romantic gesture. For Tara Mack, she'd be more impressed by her man jumping into the shower with her fully clothed - so caught up in passion that he doesn't care about soaking his Armani houndstooth!

For any man who's ever scratched his head at his wife or girlfriend's seemingly inexplicable antics, an hour-long dose of Play Date will help illuminate the inscrutable female mind.

Okay, you might not discover the secret to the feminine psyche (don't feel bad. That's eluded man for the best part of eight millennia.) But it might help you score some extra brownie points!

Tara Mack hosts Play Date from Monday to Friday at 5pm EST (2pm Pacific.) Tune in on Playboy Radio SIRIUS Channel 198.