Torchwood Returns!

Russell T. Davies - the complex genius who breathed new life into the Doctor Who franchise - is both a hero and a nemesis of mine. It's hard to ignore the fact that he created a visionary new imagining of one of my most beloved TV shows - but it's also hard to ignore the fact that he took that triumph and thoroughly smooshed it into the ground with spin-off monstrosity Torchwood.

Torchwood: Where plot and characterization fail to collide

Yet despite the cruel words I've had to say about Torchwood, I was insanely excited to hear star John Barrowman tweet that the ill-fated alien detection agency was returning for a forth season. Almost immediately, I've got high hopes about the return - after all, all the annoying characters have been killed off and I'm enough of a Barrowman aficionado to watch it purely for him.

However, I can't help thinking it also has the intense capacity to suck.

And that's the great contradiction with Russell T. Davies - everything he creates winds up in the annals of awesomeness or the slimepits of suck and there's never any 'middle ground.'

In that respect, he strongly reminds me of another science fiction legend - the great Joss Whedon. Whedon is the man behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly (and used to live in my home city of Winchester, no less.) Both are chubby, poorly dressed and have the ill-fated capacity to bring brilliance or banality to whatever enterprise they touch.

Case in point, in Joss Whedon's example, is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Simply the most sublime TV show ever, Whedon perfectly balanced comedy, horror and action for seven seasons, before finally wrapping the series up in a climax that saw the town of Sunnydale literally consumed by the Earth (explaining why California business insurance is so high - even with all the earthquakes!)

That triumph mirrors Russell T. Davies, who brought Doctor Who back from relative obscurity and created a brand new formula that made a forty-year-old TV show more relevant than it had ever been.

But while they both hit home runs, they also struck out with the follow-ups.

For Joss Whedon, that follow-up was Angel - which followed the adventures of Buffy's former paramour Angelus, as he tried to make a living solving mysteries in Los Angeles. Originally, I blamed the show's failure on star David Boreanz - but after watching him excel in the current TV series Bones I realize that the shortfall was firmly in the hands of Whedon.

Meanwhile, increasing the business insurance rate of everybody who lives in Cardiff, Russell T. Davies mirrored Whedon's exploits with Torchwood - a spin-off show that followed the adventures of what was arguably his greatest creation: Captain Jack Harkness.

But despite being arguably unsinkable (Captain Jack, played by John Barrowman, is so charismatic even I'd question my heterosexuality around him) Torchwood was a convoluted mess that spent far too much time pontificating about Davies' political opinions (Welsh devolution, gay marriage) than preventing alien invasions.

It's finally time for residents of Cardiff to check their insurance information and prepare for another alien invasion now that a new series is being commissioned.

And for us beleaguered sci-fi fans, we're left wondering whether Russell T. Davies will decide to emulate Whedon's best with this new series - the simply astounding Firefly - or the worst - the nonsensical mess that was Dollhouse.

Whatever the result, it's worthwhile acknowledging that Whedon is no less than two sci-fi series ahead of Davies - yet has ultimately failed to hit commercial gold.

Gingermobile Adendum: Spike's Car

Spike, the trash-talking Cockney vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, was one of the major reasons to watch the show.

In addition to the coolest coat ever, he was the very epitome of reckless revelment in the resplendence of life.

And, he drove a bitchin' car.

Even though I've discussed most of the major inspirations for my hypothetical Gingermobile (the General Lee and James Bond's cars, for example) I thought that the car Spike rolled up to Sunnydale with in Season 2 was worthy of a mention:

Obviously, Spike's car had flame-paintwork, blacked out windows and a big dent in the front, where he'd repeatedly run over the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign.

Spike's 1960 DeSoto Adventurer matched the luxury and class of James Bond's Bentley and Simon Templar's Hirondel. However, his particular model was also run-down, rough-and-ready and battle-scarred, making it a good match for the General Lee. It was the best of both worlds - a luxury car that you could climb in through the windows.

Performance wise, the hi-output V8 and heavy-duty suspension of the DeSoto Adventurer made this two-door hardtop a pretty impressive vehicle when it hit the blacktop. It came with a 350 horsepower engine with optional fuel injection as early as 1958. That's pretty impressive, considering my '85 Firebird still sucked gas through Holley carburetors.

As far as a realistic Gingermobile goes, the Adventurer suffers from being extremely rare and extremely valuable. This rules it out. Why? Because as I've considered the requirements of my potential steed, I've added another 'must have' to the list.

1. Fast
2. Big
3. Luxurious
4. Tough
5. 'Rough and Ready'
6. Two-door with a big boot
7. You can climb in and out of the windows
8. Overall purchase/modification price is less than $10,000

Why did I add a cost restriction?

Well, part of the appeal of the Gingermobile is that it would have to be real. This magnificent chariot might only be hypothetical, but one day, I still intend to get own it.

Like with Adventure Eddy's Pontiac Trans Am, the Gingermobile has to be the sort of vehicle that somebody of my modest means could actually get their mitts on - without immediately being tempted to sell it to pay off my wife's student loans.

Obviously, if I had an unlimated budget I could afford a Ferrari or Aston Martin, or any type of dream car - but that's pie-in-the-sky stuff. I want a car I could really see myself owning in a year or two. Therefore, the price has got to be right.

The good news? That still leaves the door open for a wide range of cars. Even a '69 Dodge Charger, like the General Lee, is still on the cards. Banged-up Chargers regularly go for $6,000-7,000 on eBay.

All these stringent demands are thinning the list of options, but making the goal of finding my perfect Gingermobile all that more tangible.