Monday, January 05, 2009

Doctor Who: Not Gay Enough?

This weekend, the BBC announced the new face of their flagship sci-fi show, Doctor Who.

Replacing the wildly popular David Tennant in the role of television's best loved time-traveler will be twenty-six year old unknown Matt Smith.

Matt Smith, best known for... erm... nothing in particular, was handpicked by producer Steven Moffat, who's taking over production duties from Russell T. Davies.

"As soon as Matt walked through the door," Moffat boasted, "I shouted: 'That's our Hitler!' The floppy hair, skinny frame and androgynous features made him an ideal choice for the role."

In previous years, the role of Doctor Who has been handpicked by Russell T. Davies, who stuck to a single, unbreakable rule in casting: "Nobody gets the role unless I want to shag them silly."

"As soon as I saw Matt Smith," Moffat explained, "I knew that Russell T. Davies would have fancied him. That pretty much sealed the deal for me."

In addition to being lust-worthy of Queer as Folk producer Russel T. Davies, rumors have spread that Matt Smith has even been known to act, on occasion. He appeared in the BBC drama 'Party Animals' and has apparently stared opposite Doctor Who alumni Billie Piper before (possibly as a bee in her '98 music video 'Honey 2 the B.')

Moffat further explained his casting choice to us:

"Russell T. Davies is a great man. In addition to reinventing Doctor Who as one of the most entertaining and critically acclaimed sci-fi series ever, he also managed to make it quite astonishingly gay."

Almost as gay as his previous TV series, Queer as Folk, but, of course, not nearly as gay as Doctor Who spinoff, Torchwood.

"With Russell going," Moffat lamented, "Doctor Who is going to lose an awful lot of it's inherent gayness. That's why we needed a lad like Matt Smith to take the lead role. To compensate for losing Russell, we need to make season five of Doctor Who just as incredibly, unapologetically gay as humanly possible."

"Therefore, we going to ramp up everything to whole new, previously unheard of levels of gayness. You think the same-sex kissing shoehorned into every episode was gay? Just wait until you see Matt Smith totter onto the screen in a pair of stilettos and wrestle the leader of the Cybermen into submission!"

[Editorial Bear: Apparently that episode idea has already been scratched as 'not gay enough.']

"We have a great legacy of gayness to continue," Moffat concluded, "and with Matt leading the way, I've no doubt that we'll succeed."

Season Five of Doctor Who, starring the utterly inconsequential, wet-blanket Matt Smith, will air on the BBC in 2010.

BONUS MATERIAL: Just to allay fears that the new season of Doctor Who will not be gay enough, here is the new star, Matt Smith, in pearls, earings and a frilly white nightie. Apparently this was from a play called That Face.


Kali said...

"I need that horny drip every hour"? Please tell me that video is a parody?

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