TSA: Totally Substandard Agency - Airport Security Prove Their Incompetence Once Again

Recently, I flew to Spain and had my first taste of 'enhanced airport security.' It's not a very dignified experience.

Normally I think somebody should have at least bought me a drink before they demand I whip my belt off.

Nevertheless, I guess this is a sacrifice we all have to make.

After all, there are only a few things I need to make a long-haul flight enjoyable (gin and tonic, peanuts, an in-flight movie not starring Robert Pattinson) but not exploding is the one thing I'm unwilling to compromise on.

But even my cheerful compliance gets tested when I read about this – a six-year-old girl getting frisked by airport security.

This poor kid had some complete stranger grope her in sensitive places, and run her hands around the inside of her waistband, all to make sure she wasn't carrying a bomb in her Huggies.

The search involved the sort of adult/child interaction that normally gets somebody a sexual assault rap and a spot on the Sex Offender's register. Apparently the poor kid burst into tears afterwards because she thought she'd done something wrong.

It's disgusting, for so many reasons. First off, I'm not a member of Homeland Security but I'm willing to place a bet that the primary danger to domestic flights doesn't come from blue-eyed, blond-haired little girls from Kentucky.

Secondly, given how we drill our kids to tell an adult if somebody touches ever them in 'sensitive' areas, it's wrong that the TSA should expect these kids to put up with exactly that same inappropriate behavior - and even demand that their parents stand there and obediently allow it to happen.

But perhaps even more revolting that all that is how this 'enhanced' airport security is so focused on feeling up little girls that they miss much more serious security issues - and allow things like this to happen just a few feet outside the security gates: A 26-year–old women got raped in the middle of the Denver airport concourse.

Apparently this poor woman, forced to spend the night at the airport because she missed a connecting flight, was held down and raped by a stranger while janitors strolled obviously past and security cameras blindly recorded her assault. It was only when two mechanics saw the assault through the concourse window that they pulled the rapist off the poor woman.

So on one hand, we've got such tight security at airports that 6-year-old little girls can't get through the system without being felt up – while simultaneously, airport security is so lax that a woman can get raped in a public concourse in plain view of security cameras and airport employees.

Personally, if I was an opportunistic terrorist, I'd quit plans to fit a pre-schooler with an explosive vest prior to take off and instead throw a backpack full of explosives into a crowded airport concourse.

Apparently the TSA is so focused on the minutiae of airline security that they've left the rest of the airport wide-open and defenseless.

Should there be a 'ground zero' mosque?

There's a debate raging in New York City at the moment. It's regarding plans to build a Mosque just steps away from 'Ground Zero' - the site of the former World Trade Center that was obliterated by fundamentalist terrorists in 2001.


To be honest, I totally understand the uproar.

I remember arriving in New York for the first time in 2001 - finding a city utterly in shock. 9-11 was when the impact of terrorism was brought brutally home to Americans in a manner unprecedented before or since. It was difficult not to feel resentment and outrage towards Islam, especially when the news channels showed Palestinians dancing in the streets in celebration, and even 'moderate' Muslims arguing that "America has brought this on itself."

That's a quote from Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf by the way - the man slated to be the new Imam of the 'Ground Zero Mosque.'

Ultimately, though, there are several reasons I think the 'Ground Zero' mosque should go ahead.

Primarily, the fact that this mosque will not be built on 'Ground Zero.'

It will actually be located two blocks away, on the site of a building that was damaged by falling debris on 9-11, but not destroyed by it. It's uncomfortably close, I'll agree - but where exactly does the 'Ground Zero' perimeter end? What is an 'acceptable distance' from the site of the disaster to build a mosque? Manhattan's not a large island, so carving out an arbitrary 'no mosque' zone is difficult.

Secondly, because the building site is privately-owned and building the mosque is privately-funded.

I'm enough of a capitalist to argue that the 'outraged public' has no right to dictate what can and can't be built on private property. Sure, there are zoning laws - but a mosque isn't exactly the same as a strip-club or liquor store (and I don't think Joe Sixpack should be dictating where those can and can't be built, either.)

Thirdly, there's that little thing called the 'First Amendment.'

America was founded on the notion of freedom of religious expression - and it's unconscionably unconstitutional for the 'outraged public' to dictate which houses of worship get preference in their neighborhood. If they'd allow a church, but ban a mosque, then they violate everything the Founding Fathers fought for.

And finally, with the economy the way it is, I don't think New York City should turn down millions of dollars of private investment.

The mosque means revenue for the city and for the construction industry. Ultimately, that's why New York Major Michael Bloomberg approved the move - because he's a pragmatist and a businessman at heart (and runs New York like a private business.)

That all being said, I'll admit that I don't like the idea of this mosque one little bit.

Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf might be hailed as a 'moderate' Muslim, but he's made some very sketchy comments in the past regarding America and 9-11.

I also think the furor this has caused will reflect negatively across the world.

Because conservatives expressed so much outrage, Islamic extremists are undoubtedly going to view the mosque as a 'victory' against the 'evil America.' In their eyes, Rauf is building a testament to the Islamic faith just steps from where 3,000 people were murdered in that faith's name.

This is why I understand the outrage, and aren't as willing to dismiss the anti-mosque conservatives as 'bigoted' or 'ignorant' as many on the left-wing do. I completely understand why they're so opposed to this mosque - and while I'll stand up and defend its construction, part of me secretly wishes they'd succeeded in not letting it be built.

Guy Fawkes Day

Four hundred and two years ago, Guy Fawkes and a band of collaborators attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament during the State Opening.

The year was 1605 - 71 years after Henry VII had declared himself Head of the Church of England. For seven decades, Catholic conspirators had plotted to return a Catholic monarch to the English throne, but they had been foiled at every turn.

It was Robert Catesby, who had already risked the executioner's axe supporting the Earl of Essex's ill-fated scheme to depose Queen Elizabeth, who came up with the latest and most ambitious plot to overthrow the English crown.

He and his band of collaborators, led by Guy Fawkes, rented a cellar under the Houses of Parliament in London, which they filled with almost a ton of gunpowder. During the State opening of Parliament, when King James I planned to address the ministers of England, the conspirators intended to light the explosives and obliterate the treacherous king and his hated government.

Had they succeeded, English history would never have been the same. Parliament, the Great Hall and even Westminster Abbey would have been blown to rubble. It was a singularly ambitious and spectacular act of terrorism.

But terrorists were a treacherous lot even back then and it was Francis Tresham, a man reluctantly recruited to the Catholic cause due to his money and influence, who betrayed Guy Fawkes and his conspirators.

Tresham wrote to his brother in law, Lord Monteagle, advising him to "devise some excuse not to attend this parliament, for they shall receive a terrible blow, and yet shall not see who hurts them."

Monteagle revealed the warning to the Earl of Salisbury and later that night, when the 5th of November 1605 was but a few hours old, men-at-arms discovered Guy Fawkes lurking in the gunpowder packed cellar, carrying a watch, matches and fuses.

The conspiracy was foiled and Parliament convened as planned a few days later.

Ironically, the Catholics had plotted to assassinate King James I because of his intolerance of their faith. After the full extent of the plot had been uncovered, King James gave a speech to the people of England in which he declared "it did not follow that all professing the Romish religion were guilty of the same."

In much the same way that Tony Blair and the British government have clarified that modern day terrorism is committed by a minority of Muslims, rather than Islam as a whole, King James declared that the gunpowder plot was not representative of the English Catholic community.

Despite that statement, Catholic Emancipation in England still took another 200 years.

As for the conspirators themselves? Guy Fawkes was tortured extensively, before being hung, drawn and quartered in Old Palace Yard. Robert Catesby fled to the midlands of England, where he was shot and killed in a shootout with guards sent to arrest him.

And now, even four hundred years later, people in Britain celebrate Guy Fawke's day with bonfires, fireworks and stuffed 'guys.' Perhaps the exact details of the event are vague in many people's minds, but this famous poem helps remind us of why the 5th of November is such an important date:

Remember, remember the fifth of November,

The gunpowder, treason and plot,

I see of no reason why gunpowder treason,

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent

To blow up the King and the Parliament.

Three score barrels of powder below,

Poor old England to overthrow:

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

Hip hip hoorah!

A penny loaf to feed the Pope.

A farthing o' cheese to choke him.

A pint of beer to rinse it down.

A fagot of sticks to burn him.

Burn him in a tub of tar.

Burn him like a blazing star.

Burn his body from his head.

Then we'll say ol' Pope is dead.

Hip hip hoorah!

Hip hip hoorah!