The Red Baron

There are few historical figures who’ve captured my imagination like Manfred von Richtofen – the infamous ‘Red Baron.’

That’s why I was astonished to discover I’d missed a big-budget German biopic about Germany’s greatest fighter ace – made back in 2008.

With a budget of 18 million Euros, The Red Baron is notable for being one of the most expensive movies in German cinematic history.

The budget was poured into lavishly realized aerial combat sequences and computer-generated effects that bring the immense scale of World War I vividly to life.

In English-language (despite most of the actors being German) it tells the astonishing story of an arrogant young nobleman whose military career made him a hero to both the Germans and those fighting them.

Computer-generated airplane pornography: I was drooling at this point in the movie.

Von Richtofen is played by German actor Matthias Schweighöfer – an achingly youthful lead who somehow embodies the swagger and arrogance one envisions Von Richtofen having.

Back in the days of 1917, looking like this didn't automatically generate accusations of homosexuality.

Despite being so young and ‘pretty,’ Schweighöfer is utterly convincing in the role – he has a lean and hungry confidence to him that reminded me of the ‘other’ famous Red Baron – Formula 1 racing legend Michael Schumacher. I wouldn’t be surprised if Schweighöfer actually modeled some of his character’s mannerisms off Schumacher.

Von Richtofen's 'Flying Circus' inadvertently dressed like different incarnations of Doctor Who

Richtofen’s success as a fighter pilot soon captures the imagination of the embattled German people – and then the attention of the highest echelons of command. This young nobleman soon finds himself rapidly accelerated up the ranks – until he is in command of the entire Air Service.

In this role, he paints his Albatross biplane red and encourages his friends and squadron-mates to similarly emblazon their own aircraft – the result being nothing short of the ‘flying circus’ he is most famous for.

It attracted the attention of the enemy, but Richtofen's bright red plane was easy to spot in the parking lot.

During his stratospheric rise to the top, Richtofen also woos nurse Käte Otersdorf, played by British actress Lena Headey (best known for playing Sarah Conner in the short-lived Terminator TV series.) Despite her inexplicable accent, Headey suits this role well and their love-to-hate relationship plays out believably (even though it was, according to the history books, completely fictitious.)

In keeping with most movies set in WWI, Richtofen’s journey up the ranks is paralleled by his increasing cynicism at the progress of the war. He starts out as an arrogant young hunter – a ‘knight of the sky’ who treats his aerial jousting as little more than sport.

Later, as he’s invited to view the front lines and Käte takes him to view the crippled and wounded being ferried back from the trenches, Richtofen begins to realize the true extent of the horror he’s caught up in.

Blimps and Fokker triplanes did not go well together.

The Red Baron neatly conveys all that – but it’s not a perfect film by any means.

My biggest disappointment was the flat ending of the epic. Despite blazing gun-battles and swooping aerial dogfights during the first half of the movie, most of the action occurs ‘off-screen’ towards the end. Von Richtofen’s much touted demise even goes unrecorded by the cameras – which was an achingly depressing anti-climax to the movie.

I guess the writers didn’t want to get swept up into the typical Hollywood cliches – but in a movie of this scale and scope, they needed to. Either that, or they ran out of money three-quarters through!

Secondly – as is typical for German movies – the whole thing was achingly self-aware. In one of several departures from historical reality, a Jewish pilot is added to Von Richtofen’s squadron (supposedly representing the many Jews who enthusiastically served in the German army during WWI.)

When his plane goes crashing to the Earth, the morbid grief that grips a distraught Richtofen comes across as a little affected (Hey, look guys! One of his best friends was a Jew! If he hadn't have died there was no way he would have inevitably become a Nazi!)

This is significant because of the other piece of historical revisionism that crept into the movie – the quiet relegation of Von Richtofen’s close friend and flying comrade Hermann Göring (yes, THAT Hermann Göring.)

The man who would later become one of the great monsters of the 20th century was once a dashing fighter ace attached to Richtofen’s squadron – and even took it over when the Baron fell to enemy bullets. Yet although Göring is featured in the movie and mentioned twice by name, his significance is deliberately understated.

But despite those little flaws, I enjoyed the film immensely. It was breathtaking in scope and vision and a loyal biopic of a man who remains a legend to this day.

One of the great ironies of ‘The Red Knight of Germany’ was that he still practiced chivalry during the war in which that practice lost favor (and combat turned into slaughter on a global scale.)

The Red Baron manages to portray him as admirable, idealistic and heroic - yet doesn’t sugar-coat anything about the arrogant young pilot’s brief, but heady career. (Germans don’t sugarcoat their war movies. They’re still achingly self-conscious about that even decades later.)

The Red Baron is definitely worth a watch.

Holy Freakin' Nuts! Why people with a Peanut Allergy annoy me.

This is going to be a slightly controversial post, because it focuses on a very real medical condition and how much it annoys me.

Peanut Allergy.

I used to be sympathetic to people with a peanut allergy. After all, it's a horrific condition. All it takes is a few molecules of peanut to set it off and an allergic reaction can cause rashes, difficulty breathing and, in some cases, death.

It's a dangerous allergy and it's increasing. That's why you'll find just about all pre-packaged products with labels reading: "Free from Nuts" or "Made in same Factory as Nut Products." This allows people with the allergy to swiftly identify what they can and can't eat.

First thing that really annoys me about people with a Peanut Allergy: Why the hell do they have warnings like "May Contain Nuts" on packets of bloody peanuts? It's just stupid! If somebody with a peanut allergy picks up a packet of dry roasted and scoffs them down, perhaps it's just Darwinism at work!

Anyway. I fortunately don't have a peanut allergy. In fact, I think I have the opposite. I love peanuts. I could eat them all day long. In fact, one of the experiences I enjoy most is sitting on a plane with an enormous gin and tonic and a bag of salted peanuts.

But I heard a horrific rumour the other day that this simple pleasure would soon be denied to me. In fact, visiting Plane Insanity (an interesting blog about an air steward) I had my fears confirmed. Apparently, if there is a passenger with severe peanut allergy on your red-eye to London, they won't be breaking out the peanuts.

Let me just state that clearly. You cannot have any peanuts on your flight. Because of the one person sitting three rows down who's allergic to them.

Bloody hell! I think this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I'm literally angry with rage! How can you possibly justify denying a man his nuts?

The fact is, if a passenger with a severe peanut allergy boards a flight, there are negligible, but real risks to his health. Remember, all it takes is a few whiffs of peanut scented air and they're puffing up like an adder. And since all the air on a flight is recycled, the danger is increased.

But while I'm sympathetic to the dangers, I demand my rights. I paid £299 for this round trip to New York off Last Minute and I have no intention of anybody denying me my complementary peanuts. Give them to me now! If the bloke in P57 doesn't like it, I'm more than happy to show him how his parachute works.

That's pretty much the Second Thing That Annoys Me About People With a Peanut Allergy.

But then we get the third reason. The one that really annoys me. The one that makes me go purple around the jowls. People who only THINK they have a peanut allergy.

When I was working in Paris, I dealt with about 300 America students and the precautions we took regarding their health made the NHS look like a village Post Office. We had medical forms signed and notarized and full doctor's health records. I knew half of the kid's prescriptions off the top of my head. I knew which ones were ADD or OCD, even if I didn't quite know what those three letter terms meant.

We took the health of our students incredibly seriously.

And one thing I ran into a lot was parents who told me that their kids had a peanut allergy. So we'd take this seriously, make sure their food in the local restaurants was prepared without nuts and generally do everything within our power to keep them healthy.

And then what happened? I have to take a deep breath before I recount this, because it makes the vein in my forehead pulse.

I'd go up to their room in the Pierre et Vacances and find the little sod scoffing down a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes!

"Oi!" I would shout, sounding a bit like Michael Caine. "What the bloody hell are you doing? You've got a bloody peanut allergy!"

"Mmmmgh," they'd tell me, their mouth full. "Mgh murumph murumph mmmph."

As much as it would have delighted me to rush them to the SAMU and watch the little sod get an andrenalin shot straight through the breastbone, it actually transpired that they ate a bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes every morning and - in actual fact - the nut allergy their parents warned me about was one of the many fictional medical conditions protective parents invent before packing their kids off to study abroad.

So the Third Reason People With a Peanut Allergy Annoy Me (and this is the controversial one) is that some of them actually don't have an allergy at all.

Mind you, I've known a vegetarian with a wheat allergy who stole one of my hamburgers once, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

There. I've said it. I'm sure I will horrify some readers with this rant, but I had to get it off my chest. And please, please, if you've got a peanut allergy and you're flying to Miami or New York, give me advance warning.