New Jersey Driving Licence

I heard about this Telegraph article from two sources - my father and excellent online forum British Expats.

In it, expat Elizabeth Webster moans about her experiences getting a New Jersey State Driver's Licence - something I've had cause to moan about as well.

But the difference between her experience and mine is that my complications were caused by the oh-so-typically 'Roly' experience of being 'a special case.'

Ignoring the fact that the journey towards my New Jersey licence involved a trip to Staten Island and the exchange of several hundred dollars, the actual process was pretty trouble-free.

I went in. I showed them valid I.D. I took my (computer) test and then I emerged with a New Jersey driver's licence. No, I didn't need to take a driving test itself. Although considering it took me seven attempts to pass in the UK, that's probably a good thing!

Yet, Elizabeth Webster's similar experience obviously warranted an article in the Telegraph.

Her first complaint: "New Jersey has a complex system of allotting a number of points to different pieces of identification. In order to qualify for the driving knowledge test you have to accumulate six points."

In applying for a driver's licence, you have to provide proof that you are who you're claiming to be - since an American driver's licence is basically THE essential form of identification. That's fair enough - and no different to applying for a passport or licence in the UK.

Providing this is EASY.

A valid foreign passport with valid entry visa is worth four points.

In order to get the other two points, you can use any of the following: A Social Security Card (which you receive with your green card.) A bank statement or ATM card (from a US bank.) A utility bill (such as power or cable) that's less than 90 days old or your health insurance card.

A Green Card itself is worth four points.

So anybody who is a valid resident of the United States for more than a month can easily provide enough evidence to get a licence. In fact, when I was just a visitor on a tourist visa in 2002, I still had enough valid ID to provide 'six points' to the New York DMV and registered a car to ferry me about during my visit.

Yet Elizabeth Webster complained that they didn't accept her passport or Birth Certificate because they were both British.

This is rubbish.

Utterly wonderful stuff for an article complaining about the red tape of New Jersey's MVC, but it's utter rubbish. Total crap. Twaddle. Claptrap. Codswallop.

I have been to three different New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commissions on three separate occasions and while they won't accept a British credit card or bank statement, there has NEVER been any issue in accepting a British passport.

After all, it has a valid stamp issued from the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services and the US Embassy in Grovsner Square, so what's good enough for them is good enough for the MVC, I can assure you.

Elizabeth Webster then goes on to complain about the endless waiting she had to endure at the DMV (has she ever been to a British Post Office? Because I can assure you, the wait time is comparable.) And then has a gall to complain about having to pay a whopping $33 for the experience! That's barely fifteen quid (compared to £48.50 for a British licence.)

In short, her terrible article is nothing more than a bland whine about queueing up in a government office interspersed with what can only be wildly exaggerated claims about the 'troubles' she faced proving her identification.

It's utter rot.

If by some tiny chance her article reflects her true experiences, I can only assure her that this is not the normal practice of the New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission and she should complain immediately.

Somehow, I don't think that'll happen. My feeling is that Elizabeth Webster was more than happy to exaggerate her experiences for the sake of a good yarn about those 'backwards' Americans.

Immigration Games

Passing through the U.S. Immigrations has officially lost it's novelty value for me by now. Yesterday, when Tina and I arrived at Newark International, I was swiftly marched off to their intimidating waiting area while Tina was left to struggle with six 75lb suitcases.

Fortunately, she found some helpful men to assist her. I wasn't so lucky.

After sitting around for half an hour, a gruff Immigrations Officer examined my passport. He looked me in the eye and said: "You're lucky to be here, what with working illegally and all."

I blinked. "I'm sorry?"

"You were working illegally in America. By rights you should be banned from the country."

My face blanched. "No, I wasn't."

There was an interminable pause.

"No," the officer eventually admitted. "You weren't." He silently handed me back my passport.

Slightly numb, I walked off out of the immigrations office.

It was a game, of course. They accuse their victims of something and maybe one in a hundred - somebody actually guilty of some violation - will admit to it thinking the BCIS has discovered their secret.

I've been on the Immigration merry go round for about five years now and until this point, I'd never thought anything truly negative about the department. The officers were gruff and humourless - I could understand that. This was just a little sinister.

But thirty minutes after I'd arrived, Tina and I rendezvoused at the carousel and emerged into an overcast American afternoon - residents, no longer guests, in the United States of America.

Why American Immigration is TOUGH on Brits

Today the home office dropped a bombshell we'd all seen coming. A passport application loophole, first highlighted by Frederick Forsyth in his 1971 novel Day of the Jackal, was used by an estimated 10,000 people last year to fraudulently obtain British passports. See the story here.

It's been confirmed that amongst these crooks were at least two active Al Qaeda operatives. Convicted terrorists who were given the rights and privileges of British Subjects.

No wonder the Americans are wary of people with British passports. There I was, complaining bitterly that my green card took three and a half years to find it's way into my hands. Then I discover that 10,000 people a year steal British passports and do God knows what with them.

No wonder the Americans are wary. Richard Colvin Reid, the famous "shoebomber" was a Brit. England is the breeding ground for Islamic Fundamentalism. The London Tube bombers were all born and bred in England.

And now it seems you don't even need to be British to have a British passport. A loophole identified in the 70's has been exploited for almost four decades. 10,000 people managed to wrangle British passports last year. Does that mean 400,000 people now have British passports based on fraudulent applications?

It's sad that my passport, that beloved little red book - once one of my most prized possessions, is now an object of international ridicule.