Thompson speaks...

He may be an ugly son of a bitch, but the indomitable Fred Thompson fires off a campaign speech like nobody else.

Here are some highlights of what the former star of Law and Order had to say at the Republican National Convention:

"I can say without fear of contradiction that [Sarah Palin] is the only nominee in the history of either party who knows how to properly field dress a moose ... with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt."

"[Sarah Palin] and John McCain are not going to care how much the alligators get irritated when they get to Washington. They're going to drain that swamp."

"Here tonight is John's 96-year-old mother, Roberta. All I've got to say is: If Roberta McCain had been the McCain captured by the North Vietnamese, they would have surrendered."

"John [McCain's] father was a bit of a rebel, too. In his first two semesters at the Naval Academy, he managed to earn 333 demerits. Unfortunately, John later saw that as a record to be beaten..."

Ol' Fred's just a little too right wing for my taste, but he'd have been an impressive man to have seen in action at the White House podium. He's got real presence and a cute turn of phrase.

Fred Thomspon on Immigration

My presidential hopes are pinned on Stephen Colbert at the moment - who is running in the South Carolina primaries as both a Democrat AND Republican.

But on the off chance Comedy Central's finest can't pull a win out of the hat, my general feelings are still pointing in the direction of the Republican candidates. Rudy Giuliani is an excellent 'moderate' choice, seeing as he's supportive of gay rights and other issues which the evangelicals get their knickers in a twist about, but make very little actual difference in the grand scheme of things.

If two gay men want to get married, how does that negatively impact my life? It doesn't - not one jot - and it makes two gay men happy at the same time. Win / Win. Further evidence that religion and politics need to be ruthlessly separated.

But Rudy has always been soft on immigration. As mayor of New york City, he fought hard for the rights of illegal immigrants and won them schooling for their kids (fair enough) and the right to avoid questions regarding their immigration status from city employees (not really right.)

Since he threw his hat into the ring, Rudy has flip-flopped about immigration. He's done an about-turn and come more in-line with the Republican party's official policy. That doesn't mean he buys it, however.

Fred Thompson, on the other hand, seems to know exactly where he stands on illegal immigration and he won't let the Republicans or Democrats tell him any different. Today he released his 'presidential' policies regarding the thorny topic and they make for compelling reading. Read them here.

My highlights include: "Amnesty undermines U.S. law and policy, rewards bad behavior, and is unfair to the millions of immigrants who follow the law and are awaiting legal entry into the United States." Hooray! My one major gripe with illegal immigrants. Why should they be patted on the back for skipping over the border while I obey the rules and get stiffed out of three years of my life and thousands of dollars in 'fees.'

"Without illegal employment opportunities available, fewer illegal aliens will attempt to enter the country, and many of those illegally in the country now likely will return home." If illegal immigrants were unable to work, companies would have to rely on American labour - and pay them appropriately. The minimum wage in some states is barely $5 a hour. If a company is too cheap to pay an American citizen even that pifling sum, they have no rights employing anybody in the first place.

"Reduce the backlogs and streamline the process for immigrants and employers who seek to follow the law. Also, simplify and expedite the application processes for temporary visas." I waited nearly four years for the right to enter the United States because the immigration process was so backlogged and inefficient. If the systems were in place to give immigration hopefuls a 'yay' or 'nay' within a few weeks - instead of years - maybe there would be fewer incentives for illegal immigration to take place.

"Caps for any category of temporary work visa would be increased as appropriate, if it could be demonstrated that there are no Americans capable and willing to do the jobs." If people are talented, dedicated and hard working - and can really contribute something to the American economy - give them a shot at working there. If the opportunities are available, people will choose legal immigration over illegal - and aliens would enter American based on their skills and knowledge, rather than their ability to scale fences.

"Make English the official language of the U.S. to promote assimilation and legal immigrants’ success, and require English proficiency in order for any foreign person to be granted lawful permanent resident status." Are you reading this, Bank of America? Quit sending me stuff in Spanish just because you saw the 'non-American citizen' box was ticked on my application.

These are all sensible, reasonable and - most importantly of all - effective policy suggestions that could positively transform the dismal state of American immigration as it currently stands.

Fred Thompson? You have scored some brownie points today.

Presidential Foresight

Today I watched an episode of Law and Order filmed in 2000. In this episode, the District Attorney Arthur Branch (played by 2008 Presidential Candidate Fred Thompson) is replaced by Nora Lewin.

And who introduces the new District Attorney? None other than 2008 Presidential Candidate Rudy Giuliani, in a brief cameo.

One potential president backs out. Another appears alongside his replacement. The episode is called 'Endurance.'

I wonder if life will imitate art. With Fred Thompson announcing his intent to run for the White House, the two Law and Order stars are going to cross paths sooner or later.