Fred Thomspon on Immigration

My presidential hopes are pinned on Stephen Colbert at the moment - who is running in the South Carolina primaries as both a Democrat AND Republican.

But on the off chance Comedy Central's finest can't pull a win out of the hat, my general feelings are still pointing in the direction of the Republican candidates. Rudy Giuliani is an excellent 'moderate' choice, seeing as he's supportive of gay rights and other issues which the evangelicals get their knickers in a twist about, but make very little actual difference in the grand scheme of things.

If two gay men want to get married, how does that negatively impact my life? It doesn't - not one jot - and it makes two gay men happy at the same time. Win / Win. Further evidence that religion and politics need to be ruthlessly separated.

But Rudy has always been soft on immigration. As mayor of New york City, he fought hard for the rights of illegal immigrants and won them schooling for their kids (fair enough) and the right to avoid questions regarding their immigration status from city employees (not really right.)

Since he threw his hat into the ring, Rudy has flip-flopped about immigration. He's done an about-turn and come more in-line with the Republican party's official policy. That doesn't mean he buys it, however.

Fred Thompson, on the other hand, seems to know exactly where he stands on illegal immigration and he won't let the Republicans or Democrats tell him any different. Today he released his 'presidential' policies regarding the thorny topic and they make for compelling reading. Read them here.

My highlights include: "Amnesty undermines U.S. law and policy, rewards bad behavior, and is unfair to the millions of immigrants who follow the law and are awaiting legal entry into the United States." Hooray! My one major gripe with illegal immigrants. Why should they be patted on the back for skipping over the border while I obey the rules and get stiffed out of three years of my life and thousands of dollars in 'fees.'

"Without illegal employment opportunities available, fewer illegal aliens will attempt to enter the country, and many of those illegally in the country now likely will return home." If illegal immigrants were unable to work, companies would have to rely on American labour - and pay them appropriately. The minimum wage in some states is barely $5 a hour. If a company is too cheap to pay an American citizen even that pifling sum, they have no rights employing anybody in the first place.

"Reduce the backlogs and streamline the process for immigrants and employers who seek to follow the law. Also, simplify and expedite the application processes for temporary visas." I waited nearly four years for the right to enter the United States because the immigration process was so backlogged and inefficient. If the systems were in place to give immigration hopefuls a 'yay' or 'nay' within a few weeks - instead of years - maybe there would be fewer incentives for illegal immigration to take place.

"Caps for any category of temporary work visa would be increased as appropriate, if it could be demonstrated that there are no Americans capable and willing to do the jobs." If people are talented, dedicated and hard working - and can really contribute something to the American economy - give them a shot at working there. If the opportunities are available, people will choose legal immigration over illegal - and aliens would enter American based on their skills and knowledge, rather than their ability to scale fences.

"Make English the official language of the U.S. to promote assimilation and legal immigrants’ success, and require English proficiency in order for any foreign person to be granted lawful permanent resident status." Are you reading this, Bank of America? Quit sending me stuff in Spanish just because you saw the 'non-American citizen' box was ticked on my application.

These are all sensible, reasonable and - most importantly of all - effective policy suggestions that could positively transform the dismal state of American immigration as it currently stands.

Fred Thompson? You have scored some brownie points today.

When Fit is Fat...

Take a look at the picture to the left.

That’s pop-princess Britney Spears, rocking to her latest hit at the MTV Video Music Award.

As you might have heard, the critics weren’t too impressed with her performance. Despite recently struggling through her divorce, rehab, the head shaving malarkey and accusations of bad parenting, Britney’s performance got no slack from the likes of The New York Post or E! Online.

Now you’d think they might have attacked her poorly coordinated dancing, or her inability to mime. Both of those skills seemed sorely lacking from Spear’s sequence on stage. However, instead the critics are attacking her weight:

“Lard and Clear,” wrote The New York Post. “The bulging belly she was flaunting was SO not hot," hissed E! Online.

I’ll ask you again to take a look at the picture I posted. Does that really resemble a lardy lady? Does Britney’s belly really bulge? Of course not. She looks absolutely gorgeous!

But of course The New York Post and E! Online are not judging Britney against other women – real women. She’s being compared to the likes of 80lb Nicole Richie, or Size 0 supermodels who faint if they have to climb a flight of stairs. Unless there’s stringy muscle and angular bone showing through the skin, no woman is apparently beautiful.

No wonder between 2% and 5% of all Americans have some kind of eating disorder – a condition much more prevalent amongst teenage girls programmed with an impossible standard of beauty.

With more and more emphasis being placed on what you look like, rather than who you are, girls are being forced to feel more and more self conscious about their size and weight. They want to look like the women the media tells them are sexy. What nobody bothers to mention, however, is that the girls on television and the catwalk aren’t real or normal.

Britney’s pre-baby washboard stomach? She managed to maintain that with a regimen of 1,000 sit-ups a day. On line websites reveal that catwalk models often survive on diets of 600 calories a day or less – about a quarter of what’s recommended for a healthy woman. These women maintain their skinny appearance and abnormal muscle tone by living a lifestyle that’s totally unnatural and unhealthy.

Throw in the peroxide hair, the hours on the sun bed and the appetite suppressing effects of a daily packet of Marlboro Lights or a line of cocaine and the world’s most ‘beautiful’ are on the fast track to resembling burnt out crack whores by the time they hit 35.

It’s utterly disgusting and E! Online and The New York Post should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves for writing what they did. Say what you want about Britney’s white trash mannerisms, her terrible taste in men, her poorly rehearsed dance moves or the fact that she couldn’t remember the words to her own song. She’s still Bikini Beautiful and that’s after popping out two sprogs in a short space of time. Try that at home, kids. It’s harder than it looks.

Look at the traditional icons of feminine beauty. Sophia Loren (consistently voted one of the sexiest women in the world even as she hits 73) or the ultimate American icon, Marilyn Monroe. You could use a lot of words to describe those magnificently proportioned women. Skinny isn’t one of them.

When it comes to the crunch, a woman who resembles a rake isn’t attractive. The most beautiful women are like finely designed Italian sports cars. All curves and no brakes. Hopefully there will be a backlash soon and people will start accepting that.

Not forgetting, of course, that there’s more to life than looks. Take Miss Teen USA contestant Caitlin Upton, an honor Student from Lexington High School, who had this to say when asked: “A fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our...”

I’m sorry, E! Online and The New York Post. I’m not buying into your absurd standards of feminine beauty.

A girl can look as gorgeous as you like (and Caitlin Upton does look absolutely gorgeous.) But there is nothing sexy about being as dumb as a bag of rocks.