Selling a Car in New Jersey

In our recent search for cars, Tina and I discovered something quite amazing about the New Jersey Used Car market. It's absolutely bonkers.

We trawled from Craigslist ad to Autotrader posting and were astonished by what we saw. Old clunkers, sitting on the driveway, leaking oil, with greedy owners expecting ridiculous amounts for their barely drivable rustbuckets.

And when we went for a test drive? You'd think a hopeful seller might have cleaned out the empty MacDonald's cartons, or emptied the overflowing ashtrays. But, not. You get the car 'as is,' which in this case, 'is' a pigsty.

Nobody expects a warranty when they buy a used car from a classified ad, but you might expect such simple things as a valid Inspection sticker, or some clue as to the original mileage or when the car last enjoyed an oil change. Especially since, when the car's littered with empty candy bar wrappers and the seats are splattered with mud, it's easy to assume the owner took as little care over the mechanics as he did the interior.

But worst of all the sins New Jersey car sellers are guilty of is greed. They simply demand too much for their cars. I've seen 1990 Toyota Camrys with 300,000 miles on the clock being advertised for $3,000. Since when does an owner get to double the car's value simply by messing up the upholstery and adding 20,000 miles to the odometer?

Owners might justify their inflated prices if the cars would sell - but they don't. Visiting Craigslist is a depressing experience, as you see the same old clunkers advertised week after week, a hundred dollars being knocked off the price each time the ad's reposted. Eventually, the car reaches a reasonable price and then, finally, it disappears from the listings.

You'd think people would learn.

But apparently not - so for the benefit of the people of New Jersey, I am going to list some important guidelines for selling your used car (and getting as much money for it as you can.)

Selling Your Used Car

Work out what the car's real value is. Start by visiting Kelley Blue Book online and finding out just how much similar cars are going for.

You can get an accurate price guide based on your car's make, model, mileage, features and condition. This is what your car is actually worth - and believe me, canny buyers aren't going to pay above this figure without a reason.

Invest a little time and effort. The state your car is in will be a pretty good indication of the amount of pride you've taken in it (and how often you've changed the oil.)

There's simply no excuse for not going out there with a trash-bag and a vacuum cleaner and giving your vehicle a brutal deep clean.

Get rid of all the rubbish (including under and down the back of the seats.) Clean out the ashtrays. Empty the boot (trunk) of everything except the spare tire and jack. Vacuum the upholstery and carpets. Spray down the dashboard and trim with polish. Windex the windows. Then, don't forget to take the car to a car-wash and give the outside a good clean and polish.

Ideally, you want the exterior and the interior looking as lovely as possible. Sure, you're never going to get the car 'showroom fresh,' but you'll be amazed at the difference. You know you've done a good enough job when you look at your sparkling car and think: 'Wow! Why am I selling this beauty again?'

Invest a little money. It takes money to make money - and this is very true when you're selling a used car. Just how much money you're willing to invest depends on how much you expect to get for the car - but a few well-spent dollars can really make the difference.

At the very least, think of getting an air freshener to recreate that intoxicating 'new car' smell. Also think of fixing those 'minor details' that could put a potential buyer off. A cracked rear-view mirror, for example, costs just $13.95 from AutoZone and can be fitted in seconds with nothing more sophisticated than a screwdriver. You'll wonder why you didn't do it months ago!

The state of a car's upholstery can be a big decider for a potential buyer. If your car's a few years old, some stains or tears are to be expected. However, investing in a set of seat covers can make all the difference.

I found a set of faux-leather bucket-type seats for just $9.99 each from local discount store A.J. Wright and they make my car's seats look like expensive aftermarket additions (rather than the faded, ripped and sad looking chairs under the seat-covers.)

Finally, if you're expecting primo-bucks for your car, you can't stint on the basics. How long has your inspection sticker got to go? If you're selling a used car, this can make a lot of difference. A brand new Inspection Sticker indicates that the car is in good running order - and the new owner won't need to invest in an potentially expensive inspection for another two years.

If you're trying to sell a car with a nearly-expired sticker, you're advertising to the owner that the car needs work and you're too cheap to get it done. With a car that's 8-10 years old (or older) an inspection normally involves hundreds of dollars of work. The price of your car should reflect that.

Justify the Cost. You want to get the most money you can for your car - but a potential buyer wants to pay the least possible. If you expect him to pay the asking price - or above Kelley Blue Book value - you have to give him a reason why.

With used cars, value is often a deciding factor. Make sure you're familiar with the car's recent maintenance history (the repairs you've done recently are repairs the new owner won't have to pay for.)

If the car gets good gas mileage, make sure the new buyer knows about it (with gas at three bucks a gallon, a new buyer might be willing to pay more in the short term to reduce his long term costs.)

It's worth mentioning insurance (an old American-built 'boat' can be insured very cheaply) and parts (old Mercedes and BMWs are fiendishly expensive to maintain.)

At the end of the day, if you're offering a fair price (compared to the Kelley Blue Book value) and can justify the reasons why your car is a corker, you can hold steady on the price and you'll most likely sell for what you ask surprisingly quickly.

If you think you can stick $1,000 to the asking price for no good reason, expect that old clunker to be sitting on your driveway for a long time to come.

Writing Adventure Stories for Fun and Profit

Nanowrimo is fast approaching and I'm totally at a loss about what to write.

Here I am, a talented [big head - Editorial Bear] young writer with a vivid imagination - but I have no idea what my 50,000 word story will be about - and I'm meant to start writing in a mere seven days.

Last year, I carefully crafted and planned the entire plot beforehand. Now I'm going to be plunging in at the deep end, hoping for the best.

One thing's for certain. It's quite a liberating feeling, knowing that I can write whatever I want. But do I just want to write? Or, like most Nanowrimo'ers, do I want to edge myself closer to publication?

If publishing is my game, I'd better have a plan [a game plan, perhaps? - Editorial Bear.]

That's why I've been giving some thought to what makes a book publishable.

Having married somebody with the attention span of a ferret, I am learning more and more about what makes things successful in the world of writing. It's 'bite' 'hook' and 'edge' that make all the difference. Get the reader hooked in five seconds or less, or they'll move on.

It's sad, but while writing talent is definitely part of the equation, it doesn't top the list of 'things that make people buy books.' That's why I've got to rely on more than my writing talent [talent? - Editorial Bear.]

When publishing companies pick up manuscripts, they first of all look at how marketable the entire package is. They worry more about how many copies they'll sell than the actual quality of the writing. That's where the money is.

Here's a good recent example. Missy Chase Lapine's recent kid's cookbook 'The Sneaky Chef' was passed over by a publisher who then went on to print Jessica Seinfeld's nearly identical 'Deceptively Delicious.'

Both were books about devious ways to encourage kids to eat more healthily (in fact, Jessica's book even contained some of the same recipes as Missy's.) The same books - and Missy's came first. But Jessica brought not just her possibly plagiarised prose to the conference table. She also brought the 'Seinfeld' name - she's the wife of famous New York comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

Celebrity Connections

That familiar name, plus showbiz connections, won an endorsement from Oprah Winfrey. That explains why Deceptively Delicious is zooming up the best seller lists in a way The Sneaky Chef couldn't have hoped to (although it still made it to The New York Times bestseller list.)

Celebrity sells. If you don't believe me, look at the top-five non-fiction hardback bestsellers this week:

• I am America (and so can you!) by Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert (who is also running for Presidential Election.)


• Clapton by Eric Clapton.


• The Age of Turbulence by former Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board Alan Greenspan.


• Celebrity Detox by actress, talk show host and 'professional lesbian' Rosie O'Donnell

Inexplicably beautiful hate monger Ann Coulter's book 'If Democrats Had Any Brains They'd Be Republicans' was nudged off the top five by 'My Grandfather's Son' - a memoir by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas [does being a supreme court justice make you a celebrity? - Editorial Bear]

Getting Buzzed

The other way publishers are increasing sales is by publishing books with 'buzz.'

Books that relate to topical subjects, like Iraq, Afghanistan, Global Warming and related newsworthy topics, invariably get discussed. That talk propagates on the Internet and creates more buzz, while people in book shops pick up the books related to subjects they've heard discussed around the water cooler.

It's Who Reads You

Reviews count.

Oprah Winfrey in America and Richard and Judy in the UK basically control the book industry. The books they elect to review are the ones whisked off the bookshelves by eager sheep [shouldn't this be 'readers' - Editorial Bear.]

But even a small review can help boost sales. It's just a pity that book reviews are slowly being trimmed from national and local newspapers.

Print space discussing books could, in the eyes of most editors, be better used as ad space. Many newspapers, such as The Hampshire Chronicle in Winchester, only deign to have book reviews if their author or subject matter is directly relevant to Winchester or Central Hampshire.

But they still happen. 107.2 WinFM had a wonderful book segment cooked up by presenter Elysa Marsden, in which she interviewed authors like Wilbur Smith and Kate Mosse. Getting a book endorsed on radio or in print is an excellent way to let people hear about it.

Hooked

The most IMPORTANT aspect of putting together a marketable book package, however, has to be the 'hook.' This is the thing that can propel an aspiring author straight to the best seller lists - if only they can get it right.

Just like movie producers have to deliver a 'pitch,' a marketable book has to have something compelling about it that can be summed up in just a few short words.

This is the stuff people will discuss over the water cooler and in their book clubs. These are the things that will grab my wife's ferret-like 'oooh, shiny' attention and get her walking into Barnes and Noble clutching a ten dollar bill [where have you been? You can't get a decent hardback without a mortgage these days - Editorial Bear]

Consider the blurb - and then listen to the pitch - regarding these recent best sellers:

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini - Against a backdrop of tumultuous events, from the fall of the monarchy in Afghanistan through the Soviet invasion, Amir, a well-to-do boy, is haunted by the guilt of betraying his childhood friend Hassan. HOOK: A teenage boy lets his male friend get raped by a Taliban bully - and feels really bad about it.

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold - Sebold owns the template for writing dazzling openings too compelling to ignore, pulling you into a riptide that won't let go in an incessantly bleak novel of mental illness that leaves nothing to the imagination. HOOK: When a frustrated teacher's 88 year old mother loses bowel control, she murders her, hides her body and then has sex with her neighbour's son.

Into the Wild by Ken Follett - One of the most haunting, unforgettable reads in recent years. Krakauer, whose adventures have taken him to the perilous heights of Everest, explores the seductive, yet often dangerous pull the outdoors. HOOK: Successful college student gives away his car and possessions, hitchhikes into the middle of the Alaskan wilderness and... dies.

Murdering your mother! Letting your best friend get raped! Walking into the Alaskan desert and winding up as a gigantic ice-lolly. Who could FAIL to be hooked by these potent books?

Okay, they're all a bit depressing. But compelling? Oh yes!

Short of being a celebrity or cosying up to Richard and Judy [shudder - Editorial Bear] the best way you can ensure that your book will be a success if by giving it a compelling hook - a brief selling-point that will whet the appetite of even the most cynical reader.

Compelling hooks that involve death, dismemberment, rape and death [didn't we already mention death? - Editorial Bear] are the ideal choices (it's no surprise that W.H. Smiths now has an entire 'Personal Tragedy' section of tragic biographies.) However, if that's all a bit dark and gloomy for you, conspiracy, religion, sex, sex and more sex [you forgot sex - Editorial Bear] are likely to raise the eyebrows and hopefully assist on the journey from bookshelf to checkout.

Look Book

Finally, if all else fails, you could just slap a naked lady on the cover.

As a typical man, I will automatically pick up any book I see that has a naked lady on the cover. The same goes for sports cars, guns, World War II fighter planes [and semi-naked ladies - Editorial Bear.]

Lurid book covers sell books!

Conclusion

When we [who are you talking to? - Editorial Bear] embark on this Nanowrimo madness, we've got something important to consider. What is the hook we're writing about? What's going to grab the reader by the collar and wrench them into our make-believe world?

Over the last few years, I've spent a lot of time writing what I want to write - stories of adventure and excitement featuring Adventure Eddy and his chums. Now it's time to ask myself what a potential audience might want to read - and see if I can make the two meet somewhere in the middle.

I have a million and one additional Adventure Eddy stories I never seem to find time to write - but this time I'm going to invest a month in writing about something else. Something new, exciting and as much of a mystery to me as it will be to my readers [you have readers? Why was I not informed? - Editorial Bear.]

You still have a few days to join me on the Nanowrimo adventure!

Editorial Bear assisted with the editing of this post.