The Truth about Kid's TV

So Mini Militant is obsessed; and I feel like a terrible parent because of it!

Somehow, our little tyke has become wildly captivated by kid's TV show 'Wow Wow Wubbzy,' which features a bouncy little creature called Wubbzy and his two friends; as they get involved in a series of crazy adventures.

Wubbzy, involved in a crazy adventure.

It's got to the point that he'll drag one of us into the sitting room and point at the TV and angrily demand 'Wow Wow!' Here's a kid who can't even say 'Mummy' yet, but he's already got the name of his favorite TV character down pat.

It's upsetting for us because we've never considered ourselves a 'TV' family. Aside from House and Doctor Who, we never usually watch TV and now we're faced with a couch potato son!

It's our own fault, really. We've been going on about canceling DIRECT TV for months now, but never actually got around to it. When I got laid off, we realized we'd need a phone line to send and receive faxes and applications and in doing so, it was cheaper to keep the telly and our DIRECTTV subscription than cancel it.

And the result? Our poor son has become transfixed by 'Wow Wow!'

Of all the TV shows, Wow Wow Wubbzy is perhaps one of the least offensive - although there was a rather alarming episode the other day in which Wubbzy accidentally created an army of flawed clones of himself and his best friend, Widget, solved the problem by conveniently 'vacuuming' them up into a big Hoover (leaving Mummy Militant and I wondering if it was all a metaphor for abortion and human cloning.)

But other shows are slightly less wholesome:

Yo Gabba Gabba! leaves me commonly wondering if it's all fueled by LSD, as the grungy music and wacky colors are nothing short of trippy.

Like a Beatle's song, only better.

Max and Ruby features a brother and sister bunny living in a big house together, with the parents nowhere to be seen. I surmise that it's a council house and Ruby is actually Max's teenage mother. Although perhaps this is just a prejudice I've picked up from living in England.

Little Bear is another show that makes me wonder if the writers are chronic imbibers of marijuana. I also wonder why all the grown up bears wear clothes, yet Little Bear scurries around naked - and if his father is a fisherman, why does he wear a banker's three piece suit?

I don't smoke pot, so therefore I find Little Bear's narrative-free episodes kind of dreary.

Blue's Clues is a perennial favorite. The original star, Steve, was smart and witty, throwing a few comments in for long suffering parents (including lines from The Godfather and Star Wars.)

When he left, though - ostensibly to go to college, despite being in his late twenties - he was replaced by the limp and morose 'Joe' - which made me wonder if Blue the puppy had abandonment issues and chose a new owner who was clinically retarded (and therefore unlikely to run off to university like Joe did.)

Joe, on the left, is a seriously dim bulb, unlike witty and urbane Steve, on the right.

And finally, there's Ni Hao Kai Lin, which ponders the mystery of where Kai Lin and her grandfather live. It's not in China, since they made a special visit to China - but they have a whole bunch of Chinese people and Chinese festivals there.

My first suspicion was Hawaii (which has a large Asian population) and this seems confirmed by the famous 'Hula Ducks' who hula past the screen in their grass skirts. But if Ni Hao Kai Lin is set in Hawaii, why the hell is there a Tiger living there? And, adding more confusion to the mix, a Koala as well! And why is the Koala the only one who wears clothes?

The Koala is obsessed with Pandas, which is just weird whichever way you cut it.

These mysteries and more continue to suggest that we should cancel DIRECTV so I can worry about more significant things and Mini Militant can go on 'cold turkey' from 'Wow Wow Wubbzy.'