Doctor Who is back next year!

Take a look at the history teacher on the left. In fact, that's not a history teacher at all. It's the new incarnation of The Doctor, from brilliant British sci-fi show Doctor Who.

Yeah, I'm not altogether impressed either. Matt Smith, who at 26 is the youngest actor ever to take the part, seems to resemble an apologetic Fifth Form lecturer more than the imposing Lord of Time.

The tweedy jacket and bow tie do him no favors - which just compounds the challenge of trying to follow up the blistering performance of former 'Doctor' David Tennant.

But we'll just have to wait and see whether Mr Smith is up to the challenge - and that wait is ticking down.

This Christmas will see Tennant's last episode and bear witness to whatever unfortunate event it is that turns our beloved Tenth Doctor into the Eleventh.

My guesses?

• Shot by a Dalek. Again.
• Fatally upstaged by Captain Jack Harkness.
• Poisoned by a cup of BBC cafeteria coffee.
• Murdered by Lord Voldemort during the filming of the new Harry Potter movies.
• Swallowed whole by Russell T. Davies' enormous gob.
• Electrocuted by the TARDIS' lousy wiring (come on, it looks dangerous as hell!)
  

For those of us here in America, the wait's even longer than it is in the UK. Traditionally, Doctor Who has been broadcasting a few weeks behind Britain - but the past 'series' of one-off specials seem to have been delayed indefinitely!

Compounding the problem, Sci-fi channel (now given the ridiculous name SyFy) have lost rights to Doctor Who and it's back home on BBC America. Which is great, except not every gets BBC America.

Like Militant Ginger, for example.

Our regional cable provider doesn't deliver BBC America, so unless we switch to Direct TV we're going to be in the dark about the new Doctor's new adventures well into the new year!

It's rather frustrating. If the real Doctor was around, I'm sure he'd be able to wiggle his sonic screwdriver into our Cable box and provide us with free and instantaneous access to Satellite Directv (and fix our stereo while he's at it) but here in the real world, we are sans that option.

Inspired by the antics of the Doctor, I have tried a few solutions myself:

Option #1:Watching my neighbor's TV through his suspiciously never-curtained living room window.
Verdict: Failure. All he watches are infomercials and Spanish-language telenovelas.

Option #2: Watching new episodes of Doctor Who on YouTube.
Verdict: Failure. There aren't any new episodes there - just countless badly-made music videos inspired by slightly freaky Jack Harkness/Doctor Who slash fiction.

Option #3: Read the synopsis of new episodes on Wikipedia.
Verdict: Failure. Because anybody can edit Wikipedia, I keep clicking 'edit' and changing the bits I don't like.

Option #4: Create my own Direct TV Satellite dish from leftover foil food containers and plug the resultant feed directly into my TV.
Verdict: Partial failure. No Doctor Who, but I did electrocute several squirrels.

Nope, sadly there's no option available to the likes of Mini Militant. We're just going to have to sit it out and wait for the new series to reach a media that I actually have access to.

I'd say 'I hope Matt Smith is worth the wait,' but from the look of his uninspiring costume, I don't hold out too much hope...