Saturday, November 01, 2008

The Captain Jack Harkness Principle

We British and American men are a homophobic lot.

While girls merrily go about smooching and snogging each other in clubs, bars and prime-time television shows, we men are rigid about our sexuality because, well, ick.

Two girls making out with each other is hot and doesn't make either of them gay or bisexual.

Straight girls smooching in a bar. Following the smoking ban, the only reason to go out any more.

In fact ginger goddess Linsday Lohan, who has spent the last few months dating English singer-songwriter Samantha Ronson, definitely declared she wasn't a lesbian when the relationship came to light. In fact, when pressed if she was, at the very least, bisexual, Lohan only reluctantly admitted "Um... Maybe."

But for guys, the rules are different. For most Brits and Americans, bisexual = gay. Metrosexual = gay. Owning a Madonna CD, driving a Miata, watching HGTV (unless you're married) or even admitting to one of your male friends that they scrub up nice = gay.

In fact, the only way to avoid accusations of latent homosexuality is to practice borderline misogyny, spurn female companionship, advocate angry homophobia and spend your entire time hanging out with your (male) pals (during which time, ass-slapping and hugging is acceptable and encouraged.)

Fortunately, one man has arrived from the future to save us men from ourselves: Captain Jack Harkness.

The dashing time-travelling secret agent, made famous on Doctor Who before he was given his own prime-time BBC show Torchwood, runs by a very basic principle: If it can consent, you can have sex with it.

That's why actor John Barrowman is on screen flirting with robots, alien trees and men, women and anything in between. And both men and women love him for it.

Captain Jack is tall, gorgeous, charming and dresses in 1940's style RAF clothes. Women want him. Men want to be him. And some of them want him as well. In fact, despite America and Britain's rampant fear of gay-ish men, there seems to be this carte blanche when it comes to Captain Jack.

Captain Jack Harkness staddling 'the big one.' Not in any way gay at all. Nope. No sir.

You can quite happily admit that, yes, John Barrowman is a damn good looking guy without a crowd of angry lager louts them accusing you of being a 'pillow biter' afterwards - largely because they feel the same way about the handsome Captain Jack.

As far as Mr Harkness is concerned, any concept of sexuality - gay, straight or in between - is outdated and just plain 'quaint.'