Oh. My. Gosh.

I've written before about the laughable propaganda engine called 'Conservapedia.'

Conservapedia is the American right-wing's 'alternative' to Wikipedia, which they claim: "shows a systematic liberal bias." Therefore, New Jersey lawyer and history teacher Andrew Schlafly, started his own 'trustworthy encyclopedia' which presents the (ahem...) facts from a 'Conservative perspective.'

[You mean a completely retarded one? - Editorial Bear]

Which translates as it being a place where Conservatives can go to find Wikipedia-like articles telling them all the make-believe they want to hear: Rubbish like how evolution isn't true, that the mighty vegetarian Tyrannosaurus Rex hung out with Noah and his pals and, of course, all sorts of rubbish about the 'enemies' of Conservatism, like our pal Obama.

For old time's sake, I visited Conservapedia to see what they've got written about Barack Obama. Check it out - it's hysterical and terrifying all at the same time:

http://www.conservapedia.com/Obama

For the sake of your sanity, though, I'll present some of the best bits. Remember, pundits who visit Conservapedia consider these to be 'facts.'

This picture from Conservapedia shows Obama not placing his hand on his heart during the pledge of allegience. This clearly indicates that he's a radical, white-hating militant Muslim who eats the tender flesh of aborted babies.

Doctors from the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons have observed that Obama uses techniques of mind control in his speeches and campaign symbols.

Yes, apparently we're all under the hypnotic control of Barack Obama.

"Obama is not a natural born U.S. citizen." Obama's "birth certificate, from the state of Hawaii," has been "verified as a forgery by three independent document forensic experts."

Like with every other citation in the article, it's impossible to find links to the 'experts' - which is probably as a result of them not existing.

If elected, Obama would likely become the first Muslim President, and could use the Koran to be sworn into office.

I can't even think of anything funny to write about that claim. It's just a pathetic lie.

Obama has no clear personal achievement that cannot be explained as the result of affirmative action.

Remember, according to true Conservatives, no African American ever achieved anything through their own grit, determination or ability. Especially not the richest woman in the world, Oprah Winfrey.

Obama and his wife, reared a Baptist, have been active members since 1988 at the Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

Wait, didn't they claim he was a Muslim earlier? You'd think they could get their (ahem...) facts straight in the same article.

Oh, about the Trinity United Church of Christ. Aside from the antics of firebrand preacher Jeremiah Wright, the proof of Obama's Godless, heathen ways is proved because: "this denomination was the first in America to ordain blacks as ministers."

Fortunately, it's not all Conservative insanity. In the 'talk' section of the article, some people have objected to this fact-free, cobbled-together of badly-written, disgusting propaganda.

One person writers: "The whole tone of this article on Barack Obama is appalling. It is poorly written, inaccurate, misleading, insulting and thoroughly vile. I would be ashamed to publish such contemptible stuff."

To which Andrew Schlafly, the owner of Conservapedia, responded with an instant ban on that user, smugly adding: "That's your first -- and only -- contribution here."

Another user pointed out that many of the article's claims had no citations, as sites like Wikipedia insist on.

One reader complained: "Citations... in the Obama article are NOT true sources. When following down to the footnote, I couldn't get to a site and was exposed, instead, to anecdotal evidence based on the observation of the person who wrote this article."

Andrew Schlafly's response to this allegation? Pointing out that it's not Conservapedia's policy "to cite only sources that can be proven to be "factually" true."

So straight from the horse's (ass's) mouth, his 'trustworthy encyclopedia' doesn't trust it's truthiness to those pesky, liberally biased things you and I would call 'facts.'

Over the past few months, I have been simply astonished at some of the things people have come to believe about Barack Obama. I often wondered what contagious mental illness they must have contracted.... turned out it's a little some called 'Bollockus Conservapediaus.'

Remember, folks: Andrew Schlafly is a teacher and an advocate of homeschooling. So when the next generation of American kids can quote Deuteronomy by heart, but have forgotton every medical and scientific advance more technical than the asprin, go and knock on that asshole's door.