Top 3 Reasons to vote for Barack Obama

With the election in just a few days, it's time for a quick run-down of why it makes sense to vote Democrat in the upcoming election:

1. The past 8 years. So we've had Pearl Harbour 2.0, followed by Vietnam War 2.0 - and we top it all off with The Great Depression 2.0. We've also had a Republican president and a Republican majority for six of the last eight years. Coincidence? Je pense pas.
2. The Democratic Majority. As a result of the foul-ups of the last eight years, voters will be putting Democrat majorities in both the Senate and Congress. What will that mean? That a vote for John McCain would be a vote for absolute deadlock. Nothing will get achieved and nothing will change.
3. The world's opinion. The world's sympathy was with us after the devastation of 9/11. Seven years later, the Eurosnobs [Like you, surely? Editorial Bear] are mocking us and the Middle East is more convinced than ever that America is 'The Great Satan.' Barack Hussein Obama will at least stand up and prove to the world that America is not entirely run by angry, white Republicans.

Don't get me wrong - I like John McCain. But I liked him a whole lot more when he was the maverick who crossed party lines on several key issues, instead of the reluctant spokesman of the frustrated right wing, as he appears to be now.

But the fact is, there's a reason George Bush has been the most unpopular president in recent history - and it's not George Bush. Getting rid of the spokesman, while keeping just about all of the rest of 'Team Bush' in the White House - would simply continue us trotting blithely down the same old path we've been trudging down for the best part of a decade. We need a change.

Remember Bill Clinton? The charming President whom the world respected, yet seemed down-to-Earth enough to go for a beer with? Remember how he presided over an affluent country and even produced a surplus in the budget? Well, I miss that kind of president.

His worst sin was fooling around with an intern and fibbing about it. He didn't start any wars, he didn't trample the constitution underfoot and his vice president certainly didn't shoot anybody in the face. Right now, with house prices down 40%, unemployment soaring, people's retirement accounts disappearing and soldiers still dying every single day on foreign sand, a jolly old horndog president like Clinton ain't looking so bad, is he?

Barack Obama is one better: He's a Democrat who probably won't get caught with his boxers around his ankles. That'll be a relief for those who believe (for whatever entirely retarded reason) that getting a blow-job from an intern is somehow more reprehensible than conning a nation into a bloody foreign war.

Like it or not, it's time for a change and it's time for a damn Democrat in the White House!

I mean, come on... Vote Obama because, if for no other reason, it's the Democrat's 'turn' to have a President! The Republicans have had their eight years. Now it's the Democrats turn (that's how American politics works, right?)

I'm sorry, guys; but Republicans are just going to have to sit tight and wait for Caribu Barbie to take her hotseat in 2012 or 2016.

That election will be a riot, I assure you.