Oh the humanity!

I can't stand Disney.

As an unrepentant aficionado of the James Bond/Renaissance/Simon Templar/Cowboy/Dukes of Hazzard lifestyle, the idea of a 'Disneyfied' world - devoid of alcohol, swords, premarital sex and gratuitous bad language - fills me with dread. I've spent enough time at Disneyland Paris to know it's not the sort of place I'd want to live in.

No lipstick lesbian shenanigans for the Disney Princesses! Except for the occasion during which this photograph was taken.

Yet sometimes - rarely - Disney comes through with something golden. Pirates of the Caribbean was a good example. That had rum, cleavage, sword-fights and skullduggery enough to satisfy even the likes of me.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Disney Princess Miley Cyrus - she plays the teenage pop-sensation Hannah Montana in the interminable TV show of the same name. Her goody-two-shoes onscreen persona is only bearable because it's in complete contrast to her 13-going-on-30 real life reputation (Miley's dating a 20-year-old, posing [Sort of - Editorial Bear] topless and posting naughty pics of herself on MySpace.)

Miley Cyrus: So adorably virtuous it's sickening...

The twee morality, virginal virtues and Disneyfication of Miley's onscreen world has me reaching for the barf-bag. And yet...

The other day, listening to SIRIUS radio's country channel, The Highway, I caught an awesome song that really appealed to me. Much to my horror - it was sung by Miley Cyrus!

The haunting lyrics, smokey voice and aspirational motto all emerged from the lungs of that lightweight lady! How can somebody who's not even old enough to buy a packet of cigarettes have a voice like Kathleen Turner on twenty a day?

I don't know... It boggles the mind. All I do know is that The Climb, by Miley Cyrus, is actually a pretty cute song. Curses, Disney! Your stank of saccherine sermonizing is polluting everything I hold dear. Now it's country music... What's next? Winnie the Pooh branded beer?

Regardless of my continued scorn for Hannah Montana and all that's twee and hemogonized, I think it's only fair to put Miley's song here for all to see. She might be working for the enemy, but the girl still 'done good' with this one.

Is this the most stupid thing written on the internet ever?

I've made my fair share of stupid blog posts, but this one is a beaut.

You can find it here, on the website of scrubby journlist Neil Clark.

Listen to this. It's wonderful stuff:

"Not wearing hats... ...has become an unnatural national obsession [in the UK.] If you go to any other country in Europe, you will see people wearing a wide variety of hats; in Britain it is somehow deemed 'fashionable' not to wear one."

From this canny bit of social commentary [Is that what it is? - Editorial Bear] Neil then goes on to draw the only natural conclusion from Britain's shocking disdain for appropriate headgear. It's clearly "evidence of how dysfunctional normal social interraction has become."

I'm not making this up. He admits Britain's obsession with social networking sites like Myspace and Facebook is 'further evidence' - but his primary source is Britain's reluctance to wear stuff on their heads.

"The Spanish, French, Belgians and Italians," he concludes, (who you'll remember are often seen "wearing a wide variety of hats") are: "busy socialising in the real world. And because of this, they know, far better than the British seem to do, the difference between a 'friend' and an acquaintance."

So THAT's what's wrong with British culture today! There I was, blaming it on the rise of the wretched Chav underclass - or the social dysfunction that leads British born muslims to blow themselves up in the London Underground. But I was way off.

It's all because we don't wear enough hats.

So do your country a service this Christmas! Buy somebody you love a hat!