Atlas Shrugged: Part 1

Many have said that Ayn Rand's seminal novel, Atlas Shrugged, could not be filmed. Entrepreneur John Aglialoro challenged that notion; and the result is a movie of astonishing competency.

It took nearly 40 years and countless treatments before Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 became a reality. Much like the bridges, railroads and alloys Rand wrote about, this was largely a result of the vision of one man.

Businessman John Aglialoro, who generated a Forbes-mentioned fortune through heading a fitness equipment company, embarked on a personal crusade to do what dozens of directors and producers had failed to since Ayn Rand's novel first hit the bookshelves.

After facing resistance from every direction - again, mirroring the storyline of the book - he sunk $10 million of his own money into the project and finally bring Rand's novel to the silver screen (in limited release.)

And just like with the book's fictional Reardon Metal, the verdict came in prematurely.

Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 was mocked, maligned and derided by critics for "low budget" effects, it's "unknown" cast and "laudable" source material - without many critics having even sat through a screening.

Which is a shame; because the end result is actually nothing short of impressive.

In making Atlas Shrugged, John Aglialoro and director Paul Johansson faced numerous challenges. Their 1,000+ page source material was unwieldy and dated. Their budget was a fraction of what major Hollywood studios pay with. Plus - perhaps most significantly at all - "polite society" had a popular disdain for Rand's objectivist philosophy, so they could expect little or no industry support in making their movie.

Yet despite all that, it exists.

Aglialoro and Johansson solved their first hurdle by cutting the proposed script into three separate movies. Bringing Rand's dystopian vision into the 21st century ended up being easier than expected - as  much of the depression and uncertainty she wrote about exists today.

As for the budget - it stretches impressively far. Despite sometimes looking more like a TV mini series than a Hollywood movie, Johansson is an aggressively talented director and created impressive set-peices regardless. One of the final scenes - in which a train speeds along the John Galt Line and the world's first Reardon Metal Bridge at 300mph - is the equal of any $100 million+ blockbuster.

Likewise, the "unknown" cast is actually fairly recognizable to most TV viewers - including faces fresh from Ugly Betty, House and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They all do an impressive job; especially given that the biggest failing in Ayn Rand's book was her characterization (most of her protagonists read like people with Aspergers.)

The obstacle they couldn't overcome, however, was the audiences preconceptions about the movie, and the industry's lackluster support of it upon release.

Hollywood rejected the movie, so it saw only limited release in 400 cinemas nationwide. Likewise, critics panned it unfairly; with some truly horrible reviews that really weren't fair.

Those reviews weren't fair because, ultimately, Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 is not a bad movie at all.

It's incredibly fluently filmed; and eminently watchable despite the fact that most of the "action" of the movie is people talking about political and economic things happening off screen (the major reason people claimed Rand's novel was "unfilmable.)

There's such a lot to cram into a single movie, and a plot of such skullduggary and intrigue, that it helps to have read the novel beforehand to really get what's going on - but you don't have to.

Case in point; my wife (who is very liberal) rolled her eyes when I rented it, but still sat down to watch the entire thing; asking me questions throughout about what was going on.

The fact is, the indefinable "thing" that has made Atlas Shrugged perennially popular translates to the silver screen; and resonates with a lot of people. It may not have been realized as effectively as it could have been; but Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 is still a serviceable, well-made film that the cast and crew have every right to be proud of.

Those familiar with the book should probably watch it. Those that aren't should definitely do so.

The Green Hornet

As far as I'm concerned, you can't beat a good, old-fashioned, rollicking adventure story - the sort they just don't write any more (unless you count Adventure Eddy, that is.)

The sort of thing, in fact, inspired by those classic 40s serials. You know the ones: The Saint, The Shadow, Batman and, of course, The Green Hornet.

And if you like the Adventure Eddy dynamic - a rather hapless, well-intentioned hero getting into all sorts of trouble he can barely get out of - then you're going to love this year's big screen adaptation of The Green Hornet.

Based off the old radio show, and later TV series, The Green Hornet is the story of rich wastrel Britt Reid, who decides to embrace a crime-fighting alter-ego after his newspaper-editor father is mysteriously murdered. In the TV show he was tough, suave and effective. In this movie, he's hilariously anything but.

Seth Rogen - the chubby, ginger pothead of Knocked Up and Pineapple Express - slimmed down considerably to play the part of Britt Reid; but he kept the same dozy, smart-mouthed slacker persona (it's doubtful he can actually play anything else at this point in his career.)

After discovering his father dead, he recruits former mechanic Kato - played by Hong Kong newcomer Jay Chau - to help him create a secret identity meant to drive fear into the hearts of the crime syndicates that murdered his father. The joke is, however, that Kato is everything Britt isn't - a master mechanic, martial arts expert and street-smart avenger.

Get used to the rather confused look on Seth Rogen's face - he wears it for most of the movie

He builds a magnificent bulletproof car for them to cruise the streets in - the eponymous Black Beauty, once as famous as The Batmobile itself - and does most of the heavy lifting when it comes to battling the bad guys. Britt, on the other hand, establishes his identity as crime-fighter 'The Green Hornet' through his father's newspaper; in which he inflates his achievements through hyperbolic headlines and overly dramatic news stories.

This attracts the attention of crime boss Chudnofsky - played with delightful relish by
Inglourious Basterds's Christoph Waltz - who attempts to add a bit of theatrical flair to his own identity; adopting the name 'Bloodnofsky' to drive fear into his foes.

His foes, however, are far more focused on bickering and personal problems. Kato feels underappreciated, considered he's the one who builds the gadgets, beats up the bad guys and does the brunt of the work. Why is his hapless boss getting all the headlines?

And Britt, meanwhile, is achingly jealous of cool, capable Kato - realizing that this overblown alter-ego he's invented for himself could never exist without his anonymous sidekick.

The final plot twist brings these two bickering buddies back together and sees them engage in a thrilling chase across Los Angeles - winding up in one of the most explosive sky-scraper battles since Die Hard.

The action scenes are almost as eye-popping as The Green Hornet's emerald suits

It's face-paced, enormously irreverent and, quite simply, a ton of fun. With the smart suits, the beautiful car and the sharply written script, it's almost as if Seth Rogen had me in mind when he wrote it. It's the sort of film I'd love Adventure Eddy to one day star in (and Seth Rogen, with his vaguely ginger fro, huge sideburns and big chin, wouldn't be a bad star to play him.)

Apparently critics weren't too thrilled, and I guess I can't blame them. Seth Rogen essentially plays the same 'lovable' character from all of his other movies, and in many ways you could splice the action scenes from Pineapple Express and the embarrassing antics from Knocked Up and come up with something that wouldn't be far off what ends up on screen.

Likewise, true-blue fans of The Green Hornet weren't too impressed with the irreverent way he handled the scripts and characters - although personally, I thought he kept what was essential and Rogen obviously had some sincere appreciation for the original source material.

Ultimately, your verdict will be as subjective as mine - but I loved it, and I've got a sneaking suspicion that you will too.

Date Night: The Green Hornet

Until tonight, I was always highly cynical of the concept of 'date night.' It seemed to be to be one of those events married couples think they'll never end up having to force themselves to have.

But the fact is, work, domestic life and everything else does occasionally pile up on married couples for so long that they basically find themselves living more as roommates than lovers. That's never a healthy situation; so in order to inject a little romance back into things, the advice is to go on a 'night out' trying to recapture the feeling of what it was like to be dating again.

Furtunately, Mummy Militant is a very cool person to go on a 'date night' with. Hanging out with her always reminds me how cool she is to actually hang out with.

For example, after dropping Mini Militant off at the babysitter, she indulged me tonight with the very antithesis of a 'date movie' at the cinema: We went to see The Green Hornet.

Ginger action hero awesomeness!

More on that later - it's an amazing movie and I'll write about it tomorrow.

But what was worthy of a mention tonight, however, was the movie-going experience itself.

You see, we gaily trotted up to the cinema at the Bridgewater Commons and bought our tickets from the machine only to be told they were a whopping $60 in total. Mummy Militant thought that this was because the movie was in 3D. I said that would still be pretty pricey even if it was in four dimensions and included a virtual back rub from star Cameron Diaz.

The reality, however, was even better than that (sorry, Cameron!)

Because it turned out the Bridgewater Commons was one of three cinemas in New Jersey that didn't just deliver a movie - in 3D, no less - but also delivered dinner in with the ticket price!

We were ushered to our 'seats' in auditorium A and handed menus along with our 3D glasses. As we settled down to watch Seth Rogen and Jay Chou battle crime, I got to tuck into a delicious bacon cheeseburger and sink down two chilled schooners of Stella Artois. Bliss!

Cars! Crime! Beer! A trifecter of terrificness!

It was, quite frankly, awesome. Quite literally; dinner and a show.

And for sixty bucks, astonishingly good value, too. You certainly wouldn't get any change from that on a normal 'date night' schedule of casual dining followed by a movie. In fact, it's the most civilized way to see a movie I could possibly imagine - and one of those few occasions when I'm left thinking: "Damn, why don't they do this in Europe?"

Read about it here - and then go and book a table! (If it's still showing, I can't think of a better film to recommend than The Green Hornet.)

So I got a great movie, a great dinner and - all thanks to the wonderful Mummy Militant - I got to finally be totally on board with the idea of 'date night.' I can't wait for our next one!

Did Ricky Gervais go too far at the Golden Globes?

Last night was one of the most dramatic nights of television for months. And I'm not taking about the New York Jets knocking the New England Patriots out of the playoffs.

In addition to one of the biggest football games of the season, it was the 68th Annual Golden Globes award - a glittering night in which the Hollywood Foreign Press Association nominates those movie and TV stars they feel are worthy of recognition.

Hosting the event was British comedian Ricky Gervais - generaly acknowledged as a talented, witty and pleasant writer and actor, with his feet well under the table in Hollywood.

Ricky Gervais, seconds away from the self-immolation of his Hollywood career

But unfortunately for them, most Hollywood types only know Gervais as the affable chap from movies like Night at the Museum and The Invention of Lying. When they hired him, they weren't aware that he had a pedigree from the most distinguished stable of British snark. They found out last night, however - and how.

In one of the most remarkable displays of 'biting the hand that feeds you,' Ricky Gervais turned his hosting honors into an opportunity to skewer some of Hollywood's leading stars - roasting them with uncomfortable intensity, to the point at which some members of the audience even booed (the rest greeted his jokes with silence, or nervous tittering.)

Kicking off the event, he defended the Hollywood Foreign Press Association from accusations that they'd only nominated flop movie The Tourist because they wanted to hang out with Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie.

"That's absolutely not the only reason," he snapped. "They also accepted bribes."

He continued by joking: "It's going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking - or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast." He also beckoned Robert Downey Jnr. on stage by boasting that he'd recently been seen in not Iron Man or Sherlock Holmes, but "The Betty Ford Clinic" and "The Los Angeles County Jail."

Perhaps most ballsy of all, however, was his open attack on the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association itself.

"Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press," Gervais started. "That's nothing, I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in. It was messy."

President Phil Berk was apparently not amused. "Ricky, next time you want me to help you qualify your movies," he hissed later, "go to another guy."

In many ways, it was shocking, ungrateful and classless. It other ways, it was one of the most sublime moments of comedic betrayal since Stephen Colbert hosted the 2006 White House Press Association's dinner (in which he skewered George Bush so poisonously that Laura Bush hissed 'fuck you' at him as he sat down.)

What made Ricky Gervais' indefensible diatribe defensible was twofold:

Firstly, it was funny - hysterically so.

Secondly, the reason his jokes were so squirmworthy and uncomfortable was because they were based in sound, unreasoning truth.

Take his mean-spirited jab at The Tourist. It might have seemed cruel, but he was absolutely right that the film's nomination made no sense at all. Ignoring the fact that the movie was a critical and commercial flop, The Tourist was nominated for an award in the 'comedy/musical' category - and the taut spy thriller was neither!

Perhaps Gervais' was signing his own suicide note with this performance - not just with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, but with Hollywood itself. However, in doing so he cemented his comedic credibility for all time - and did a truly sublime job of highlighting what a sycophantic, self-perpetuating farce the Hollywood Foreign Press Association actually is.

And it was gratifying to see that some Hollywood stars actually got the joke. Robert DeNiro, in accepting the Cecile B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award, warned people not to get offended by Gervais' jokes.

"The important thing we are all in this together," De Niro said. "The filmmakers who make the movies and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association members who, in turn, pose for pictures with the movie stars."

Likewise, Batman's Christian Bale thanked Gervais for identifying the Hollywood Foreign Press Association - he'd been wondering who those 'awful people' who kept turning up were.

Ultimately, Gervais' performance was so shocking because it spoke the truth - and ultimately there's no humor more controversial than that. Only time will tell whether Hollywood gets the joke, or banishes him from their midst forever.

The Ultimate Christmas Movie

Since it's coming up to Christmas Day, I thought it was time to get all nostalgic and remember what is, for many, the ultimate Christmas movie.

And no, I'm not talking about A Christmas Story, or It's a Wonderful Life or Santa Claus: The Movie. I'm talking, of course, about...

Die Hard - the ultimate Christmas movie

DIE HARD.

Yes, the 1988 action classic that sums up everything bright and beautiful about the Christmas Season.

The original War on Christmas

Nothing says 'Noel' like a taut, hostage situation in a snow-less Los Angeles skyscraper.

No shirt, no service...

No line of dialogue quite sums up the festive message like: "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho."

Merry Christmas to you too!

And, of course, the best moment of this great Christmas flick is when gun-fearing cop Al Powell rediscovers the magic of Christmas when he is forced to pick up his revolver and blow away some German terrorist scum.

Just a family man regaining the strength to kill again...

But while many family will gather around the television to watch this Christmas classic in 2010, very few know the true story of our favorite festive flick. For example, did you know the original role of super-cop John McClaine was going to go to...

Frank Sinatra?

The Chairman of the Board himself

Yes, Ol' Blue Eyes himself was lined up to play the hero of Die Hard. Sounds implausible? Well it's true.

The script of Die Hard is actually based on a 1979 thriller called Nothing Lasts Forever, written by Robert Thorp. You might know him as the guy who wrote The Detective in 1966 - which was turned into a 1968 thriller starring Frank Sinatra as tough-talking cop Joe Leland. Nothing Lasts Forever was the sequel, in which an aging Leland is trapped inside a Los Angeles skyscraper when it's taken over by a German terrorist group.

Skyscrapers! Helicopters! Awesome!

What would eventually become the script for Die Hard remains astonishingly loyal to the original novel - that's really remarkable given how Hollywood generally hold nothing sacred these days.

Not realizing that it would later go one to become one of the seminal action movies of its generation - and a much loved Christmas favorite - the aging Sinatra decided to pass on his chance to fill Joe Leland's gumshoes one last time. Instead, studio execs decided to cut the links to The Detective and turn their adaptation into a different kind of sequel.

So instead of Frank Sinatra, who did they think of to take the role of their heroic cop? No - not Bruce Willis - that comes later. In Die Hard's second incarnation, the script was adapted for non-other than the world's greatest superstar...

Arnold Schwarzenegger!

He'll be back...

Scorching hot from the breakout success of 1985's Commando, Arnold Schwarzenegger was shaping up to be the greatest action hero of his time. Execs saw the potential of Die Hard and figured it would make the perfect sequel to Commando - even more so because it featured the father/daughter subplot that worked so well in the first movie.

Yet again, not realizing how influential Die Hard would later become, Arnold turned the role down - his only sequel to date (1984's Conan the Destroyer) was such a flop, he was only interested in turning out original work.

So that left the studio execs with a red-hot action thriller script - but no star! So in the end, they took a risk almost as daring as the ones John McClaine takes in the movie.

They decided to hire a handsome, charming kid from popular romantic TV show Moonlighting and cast him against type in the role of a tough New York Cop trying to win his wife back. That TV star was Bruce Willis - and the film made his career.

Die Hard took Willis from this...

...to this. You're welcome.

In 1988 Die Hard debuted to thunderous applause, and has remained enormously popular ever since. It spawned four sequels, a gazillion rip offs and even it's own pitch-line in the movie business (films are characterized as "Die Hard on a... something" in the pitch meetings.)

What's more, it's one Christmas movie even Dads and little brothers are happy to sit through year after year (which is not true of Frosty the Snowman.)

So this year, as you curl up on the sofa to watch your festive favorites, remember to make space in your schedule for the one true Christmas movie: Die Hard.

The Green Hornet: A Ginger Superhero?

I've long complained that there aren't any ginger action heroes - Adventure Eddy notwithstanding. Yet all this is about to change in January, with the first bona fide ginger superhero hitting the silver screen.

Comedy legend Seth Rogen (who some people have said I bear a passing resemblance to - especially during his chubby stage) is taking the role of Britt Reid - a newspaper-man turned vigilante who fights crime under the moniker The Green Hornet.

Seth Rogen, unaware I rocked the chunky glasses, sideburns and tuxedo look long before he made it popular

In the footsteps of other masked crusaders, like The Shadow and The Saint, the Green Hornet started life in radio programs during the 1930s. Similarly, he hit the small screen in the 1960s, with none other than Bruce Lee starring as his martial-arts expert sidekick Kato. He's been slower making the transition to the cinema screen, however - although it's looking like it was worth the wait.

Car! Machine Guns! Ginger! *faint*

I'm excited, because it'll be the first time a true ginger has rocked the starring role in a good, old fashioned adventure movie. I'm also excited because The Green Hornet is right down my street - there's even a souped-out classic car involved, the iconic '66 Imperial Crown sedan known as 'Black Beauty.'

Oh, he may be The Green Hornet, but Seth needs to take a page out of my book when it comes to posing with cool cars.

Don't take my word for it - check out the trailer!

Sunday Night Double Bill: MacGruber and OSS 117: Lost in Rio

In what’s fast becoming a habit, we rented two different movies to see in the new week, and were again surprised at the similarities between them. Here’s Sunday night’s Popcorn Fodder:

MacGruber

The hilariously incompetent secret agent is an old joke. From Inspector Clouseau to Johnny English, the bumbling buffoon who inexplicably makes good is a concept that’s graced our cinema screens in a dozen different forms. MacGruber – the new movie based on the Saturday Night Live sketch of the same name, is merely the latest.

There are many initial problems with the MacGruber concept – not least of which being that the movie is a spoof on a TV show (MacGyver) that hasn’t been on TV for over 20 years.

In addition, the narrative of the SNL skits was always centered around the same, single joke – that MacGruber, despite building an elaborate gadget out of handy household objects, always fails to stop the bomb exploding/mine collapsing/plane crashing or whatever other disaster is about to befall him. To spin that out over 90 minutes seemed implausible.

But it seems writers Jorma Taccone, Will Forte (who also stars as MacGruber) and John Solomon identified these sticky issues and addressed them as best they could. For a start, the similarities between MacGruber and MacGyver are kept to a minimum – with the two characters sharing only a mullet, a knack for gadgets and a dislike of firearms.

MacGruber's sartorial shortcomings are a source of much amusement

Instead of the clean-cut secret agent from the TV show, our MacGruber is a narcissistic, foul-mouthed sociopath oozing arrogance and incompetence in equal measure. Taken out of retirement to help track down a stolen nuclear bomb, MacGruber’s first accomplishment is to blow up his elite combat team with a sketchy batch of homemade explosives.

The real MacGyver could jerry-rig a solution out of almost anything. The running gag in MacGruber is that our hero unfailingly can't

Forced to team up with rival agent Dixon Piper (former heartthrob Ryan Phillippe, who Mummy Militant thought looked quite yummy in this role) and old flame Vicki St. Elmo (fellow SNL star Kristen Wiig) MacGruber stumbles his way from one misadventure to the next until he inexplicably manages to make good in the final showdown with bad guy Val Kilmer.

It’s all thoroughly predictable stuff, although far more entertaining than it should be. Despite an unhealthy reliance on toilet humor, foul language and cringe-inducing scenes of personal humiliation, the script of MacGruber will keep most people screeching with laughter throughout – even if some of those laughs involve turning to who ever is watching the movie with you and asking: “Did they really just go there?”

But despite the laughs, MacGruber suffers from one major flaw: The main character. Throughout comedy history, the unlikeable lead has been a comedy mainstay (just look at Blackadder or Basil Fawlty.) However, despite their flaws, there’s always been something ultimately admirable and redeeming about them.

MacGruber is, from top to bottom, just a horrible piece of work. Rude, arrogant and narcissistic, he’s a thoroughly unlikable character – using a fellow agent as a human shield (unaware he was wearing a bullet-proof vest) in one scene, and then plotting a scatological revenge against another after a road-rage incident.

You ultimately just feel dirty when asked to celebrate his victory in the final scenes.

Compared to other movies based on Saturday Night Live sketches, MacGruber redeems itself by being genuinely funny – but it will never be a comedy classic and is unlikely to stand up to repeat viewing. Definitely one for rental only.

OSS 117: Lost in Rio

This French movie was a totally unexpected discovery in the New Releases section of my local Blockbuster. Based on the novels of wildly prolific French author Jean Bruce, OSS 117: Lost in Rio is a James Bond spoof based on a franchise that actually predated James Bond (Bruce’s fictional secret agent Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath was invented 6 years before James Bond, and hit the cinema screens four years before Sean Connery did.)

A sequel, of sorts, to the litany of OSS 117 ‘eurospy’ films from the 50s and 60s, OSS 117: Lost in Rio stars French comedy star Jean Dujardin as the titular secret agent and sees him thrust into conspiracy in beautiful Rio de Janeiro.

In many respects, there are similarities between OSS 117: Lost in Rio and MacGruber – both spoof the secret agent genre, and focus on a hero who isn’t everything he’s cracked up to be. However, while MacGruber pushed the envelope too hard, OSS 117: Lost in Rio finds a pitch-perfect balance in sending up the quintessential spy movie.

In many respects, Jean Dujardin pulls off the ultimate tribute/parody of James Bond – much truer to the genre than Austin Powers or Johnny English. His secret agent is suave, handsome and every bit the equal of Sean Connery – thoroughly competent and merciless in his mission. However, he’s also a sexist, misogynistic dinosaur and much of the humor of the movie stems from his inadvertently offensive statements and stereotypically French chauvinism.

Jean Dujardin is magnificent as the suave secret agent Hubert Bonisseur de La Bath

OSS 117: Lost in Rio is shot beautifully on location, using the same techniques as the period spy thrillers from the 50s and 60s. Car chases are filmed in rear-projection, for example, and most camera angles are simple and straightforward. Iconic scenes from classic movies, including Hitchcock’s Vertigo and North by Northwest, are lovingly parodied right down to similar musical scores.

Although the humor is considerably more subtle than other spy spoofs, there's still plenty of action - both in and out of the bedroom

Much of the humor gets lost in translation, but there are some skits that transcend the language barrier – a low-speed chase through the corridors of a hospital stands out, as does a scene in which Agent de La Bath risks a hail of bullets to rescue a briefcase of money... Then returns for his camera... And finally his sports jacket... The ‘Bond girl’ is also noteworthy – a ravishing redhead played by Louise Monot.

Louise Monot is funny, sexy and competent as Mossad agent Dolorès Koulechov

All in all, OSS 117: Lost in Rio isn’t laugh-out-loud funny like MacGruber, but is much more enjoyable and I’ll eagerly watch it again. It’s a spy spoof for people who really love their spy movies, and explores new comedy territory while remaining loyal to the dozens of OSS 117 movies that preceeded it.

As de La Bath's CIA opposite number scoffs: "You're so fucking French."

Halloween Double Hitter – Splice and Zombieland

With Mini Militant safely tucked into his crib, Mummy Militant and I decided to spend our Halloween night the traditional way: With a bottle of wine, a nice dinner and some scary movies to enjoy. In honor of film reviewer extraordinaire Haunted Jo, who’s birthday falls appropriately enough on Halloween, here’s how we fared:

Splice, 2009

This French-Canadian horror film stars Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley. The tale of two superstar genetic engineers, the most horrific part of this sci-fi/horror hybrid is probably the fact that it’s going on for real in some laboratory in South Korea right now!

Splice kicks off with Clive (Brody) and Elsa (Polley) working to create a new life form by ‘splicing’ the genetic code of other animals into a single new form. The result is a disgusting amorphous blob of tissue, kind of resembling a hairless Tribble from Star Trek.

Enthused by their work, the French pharmaceutical giant funding Clive and Elsa’s research decides to shut down the splicing labs and funnel their funding into isolating the gene in the new life form that produces a special protein. Clive and Elsa are outraged – they know the secret to isolating that protein is to add human DNA to their monstrous hybrid cocktail, and proceed to do so in secret.

What follows is a squirm-worthy storyline that sees these two talented scientists tiptoeing across one moral boundary after the next. At first they promise that they’re just adding the human DNA to ‘see if it can be done.’ Next they’re incubating their new creation, but promise not to carry it to term. Before you know it, they’re ‘parents’ to a scurrying, chicken-like creature they have to hide in the basement unless the other scientists find out.

Isn't it cute? Just be careful with that lethal stinger-thing it's got.

Due to a genetic flaw, this new creature grows at a phenomenal rate. As it develops, it turns alarmingly, imperfectly human – into a lithe, feminine figure with a whip-like tail and faun-like legs. She’s simultaneously sexy and terrifying – intensely vulnerable, yet capable of murderous brutality.

Aww, the little chicken-thing's all grown up!

It’s the story of how Clive and Elsa raise this creature, who they christen ‘Dren’, that serves as the real meat and potatoes of what would otherwise be a fairly generic sci-fi story. We learn little of Elsa’s backstory, but know that she was raised in an abusive home and soon finds herself exhibiting the same parenting traits as her brutal mother.

Dren, with her pet cat. [SPOILER] If you like cats, don't watch this movie.

Clive, on the other hand, becomes the source of affection and comfort that the child-like Dren craves, until the nature of that intimacy takes a disturbing twist. After ignoring all the moral boundaries in creating this hybrid, the two scientists then continue to overstep normal decency in raising her as well.

Just one of the many scenes in this movie that will make you deeply uncomfortable.

And ultimately, that’s when we discover who the real ‘bad guy’ in this story is. Dren, after all, is just a product of her raising.

This is what happens when you feed your child a vegetarian diet, you crazy hippies.

While some of the more visceral chills come thanks to her (and the life-like computer graphics that bring her to life) it’s the oh-so-human element that will have you squirming in your seat. In the horror genre, there are multiple subdivisions such as ‘medical horror’ and ‘psychological horror.’ Splice is the first film I’d classify as a ‘moral horror’ movie.

Although the psychological aspects play a huge role in it. While the monster mashup portions are kind of predictable, there’s so much scintillating subtext regarding the ‘family’ of Clive, Elsa and Dren that anybody with an interest in human behavior will have a field day analyzing this movie. I think it was Freud who said that ‘every boy wants to kill his father and sleep with his mother.’ It’s not too much of a ‘spoiler’ to warn you that this is exactly what Dren does.

Beautifully acted, deliciously realized and a truly cerebral feast for the senses, Splice is everything a good horror movie should be.

Zomebieland, 2009

The Zom-com (Zombie Comedy) genre was both pioneered and perfected with the British movie Shaun of the Dead, which set the bar pretty bloody high. Zomebieland is a big-budget American offering, starring Woody Harrelson, can’t come close to meeting the standards of Shaun, but is still a wildly entertaining romp through a post-apocalyptic, zombie-infested America.

Nerdish student ‘Columbus’ has survived the zombie outbreak by sticking to a series of rules – like the ‘double tap’ of shooting a zombie twice, to make sure it’s dead, and ‘cardio’ - because he notes that the unfit fatties were the first to be picked off by the flesh-eating baddies. He’s heading north through the smoldering remains of America, off to find out whether his family survived the disaster.

On the way, he encounters cynical cowboy ‘Tallahassee,’ played to perfection by Woody Harrelson, who reluctantly teams up with Columbus on the longest leg of their journey. Although quite the zombie-killing combination together, they soon get a lesson in humility when their guns and truck are hijacked by two more survivors - ‘Wichita’ and her 12-year-old sister ‘Little Rock.’

Effective zombie killing as all about teamwork. And major head trauma.

Eventually teaming up together, the four of them head west, to the only reputed ‘zombie free’ place in America, an amusement park in Los Angeles. Like all good road movies, the journey is more important than the destination and all four of them learn important lessons along the way.

Zombie strippers and fat guys. How's that for a slice of pure, comedy gold?

There have been a plethora of zombie movies recently, and Zomebieland only stands apart from them by focusing on the comedy aspects of the script, rather than the horror ones. There are some truly laugh-out loud funny moments along the journey to California, plus a sublime cameo by Ghostbusters star Bill Murray.

Ultimately, though, Zomebieland’s pretty much a one-trick pony. Shaun of the Dead is one of those films you can watch again and again – Zomebieland’s a bit too pithy and one-dimensional to stand up to repeat viewing. That being said, there are few more satisfying flicks to munch popcorn through, and you certainly won’t regret the rental price.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

I might not be much of a fan of Oliver Stone’s politics – but damn does the man make good films. Some of my favorite movies were produced or directed by Stone – including Scarface, Wall Street and the biopic of George W. Bush.

His latest film, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps takes Stone into uncharted territory – his first sequel.

Following on from 1987’s Wall Street, Money Never Sleep reintroduces the iconic character of Gordon Gekko and explores how the bloodhound of Wall Street fares on the eve of the 2008 economic collapse.

Visually, this film is worlds apart from the original Wall Street – a demonstration of the way the world’s moved on in the past two decades (and neatly echoed by one of the funniest scenes in the movie, when Gordon Gekko is released from prison and handed his ‘state of the art’ cell phone by the corrections officer. What had been cutting edge in ‘87 was a veritable brick by today’s standards.)

Stone uses digital imagery to intertwine computer ticker feeds, news channel graphics and stock charts into the stunning architecture of lower Manhattan, and uses some truly innovative camera tricks that make his original movie seem almost flat and amateurish by comparison. It’s got an energy and pace to it that the original film lacked.

Yet despite presenting us with such a visual feast, Money Never Sleeps never quite lives up to the original movie – largely because Stone made the mistake of centering the plot of Money Never Sleeps around a thing instead of a person.

Stone’s best works – Scarface, W. and the original Wall Street – are character studies, rich with visceral human development. Whether focusing on Cuban refugee Tony Montana, blue collar broker Bud Fox or maligned and misunderstood former president George Bush, each film takes us on a journey rife with moral pitfalls. The characters are flawed, but fascinating – and the denouement of each film involves the consequences of the decisions they’ve ultimately made.

Whereas Money Never Sleeps is more about the culture of Wall Street itself, rather than a character – and the character we do have is a somewhat sophomoric Shia LeBouef.

LeBouef’s broker, Jacob, never has his morality tested in the same way Stone’s other characters typically do. He doesn’t go through much development, either – the reason Tony Montana and Bud Fox were so compelling is that they came from nothing and gained everything through questionable choices. We first meet LeBouef’s character lounging in bed in his $6 million penthouse, and receiving a $1.45 million bonus from the director of his bank – so we can’t see ourselves in his five hundred dollar shoes because it’s never explained how he earned them.

Stone clearly has an axe to grind with Money Never Sleeps, rather than a story to tell.

The film is an attack on the culture of greed and incompetence that led to America's financial collapse. Michael Douglas’s Gordon Gekko - untempered by his time behind bars – berates the students of NYU for taking his mantra and turning it into a monstrosity:

“Someone reminded me I once said "Greed is good". Now it seems it's legal. Because everyone is drinking the same Kool Aid.”

It’s how that ‘Kool Aid’ culture collapses which serves as the narrative thrust of Money Never Sleeps.

LeBouef’s mother, played as a Long Island harpy by Susan Sarandon, is a former nurse who’s made it big on the real estate market – until house prices plummet. Frank Langella, playing the head of a fictionalized Bear Stearns, sees his bank’s stock goes from $79 a share to just $3 in the space of three weeks. Stone perennial Josh Brolin (who was masterful as the titular character in W.) plays the CEO of a fictionalized JPMorganChase exposed for shorting stock through billions of dollars of insider trading.

“The mother of all evil is speculation,” Gekko warns from the sidelines, as he witnesses Wall Street come to the sickening realization that the billions of dollars they’ve built their fortunes on never truly existed in the first place. "It's easy to get in - it's hard to get out. "

It’s a 100% accurate representation of what happened; caught in picture-perfection through the unflattering lens of hindsight.

But the narrativewas never what was going to drive people into the theater, and Stone clearly realized that the box office potential of Money Never Sleeps rested with Michael Douglas, who truly made the original Wall Street with his portrayal of angry, ambitious entrepreneur Gordon Gekko.

Dutifully, Stone give Douglas some more truly memorable lines in this movie, and makes sure Gekko is the only character who comes off a winner.

Echoing Warren Buffet’s mantra that a recession is ‘time for us to get rich,’ Gekko takes his estranged daughter’s $100 million trust fund and turns it into a billion bucks by treating the financial collapse like a fire sale. It’s great to see this character back in his element – hungry, callous and calculating – but the development ultimately falls flat because Gekko has clearly learned nothing during his character’s time in prison.

Instead of self-destructing like Tony Montana, or sacrificing it all to ‘do the right thing’ like Bud Fox was forced to, Gordon Gekko makes the same questionable moral choices in this movie as he did in the last one – only he gets rewarded for them this time around.

That’s ultimately why Money Never Sleeps falls far short of the original Wall Street – but it’s still a visually stunning and fascinating film to watch. Michael Douglas is terrific, and fans of the original Wall Street – or those interested in learning more about America’s financial meltdown – will find him worth the ticket price alone.

I was underwhelmed, but not disappointed.

The A-Team: Overkill is Underrated

The A-Team is part of my childhood - I remember playing the A-Team when I was a kid in the schoolyard. All my friends argued about who got to be B.A. - I was always Hannibal.

Recently, I got back into watching the original show on Hulu and was astonished at what an entertaining romp it was. Sure, the show was driven by formula and the comic-book violence was open to criticism - but the plots made sense, the cast was charismatic and the scripting was seriously witty.

Thus, when the new big-screen version of The A-Team was heralded, I was understandably nervous. So many aspects of the show seemed sacrosanct and I dreaded what sort of Hollywood hybrid it would turn out to be if they messed with any of them.

As it turns out, I needn't have worried.

The A-Team was nothing short of a 21st century triumph - staying astonishingly loyal to the tone and plot of the original 80s TV show, but updating it and adding a bit of stylish cinematic flair during the process.

The core components of the show remain the same - four US Army Rangers gang together to create the elite Alpha Team (the titular A-Team.) There's the brains of the operation, master strategist John 'Hannibal' Smith. He's played in the movie by Liam Neeson, who does a neat job channeling George Peppard and captures his wry charisma and effortless confidence.

Next there's Templeton 'Faceman' Peck - the sly, charming womanizer who can cheat, con or sweet talk his way into requisitioning just about anything. In the original TV show he was played beautifully by Dirk Benedict - in the movie Bradley Cooper takes a different tack. Face is still a charming smooth-talker, but he's definitely a bit more of a rough diamond. I definitely miss Benedict's slick with, but Cooper is at least considerably more convincing as an army ranger.

The muscle of the A-Team is provided by Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus - played in the TV show by Mr. T. His sneakers were filled by UFC champion 'Rampage' Jackson, who pulls off Mr. T's signature look and casts around his catchphrases with fluency. It's pretty much a pitch-perfect substitution and Jackson does a grand job.

Finally, there's the character that made the A-Team - H.M. 'Howling Mad' Murdock. Originally created for a single episode of the TV show, actor Dwight Schultz was such a hit with the audience that the lunatic pilot entered the cast full time - and is widely remembered as being the best actor in the whole show. In the movie, his role is filled by South African actor Sharlto Copely who does a simply astounding job - taking a slightly different direction in his portrayal of the crazy airman, but easily stealing every scene he's in.

The plot is loosely based on the original concept of the TV series. General Morrison is the A-Team's commanding officer, and assigns them the task of 'liberating' some US mint plates from Iraqi insurgents. After successfully stealing them, however, the A-Team are ambushed and the plates stolen, with the A-Team framed and left held responsible. Court-martialed and imprisoned, the fabulous four bust out of maximum security and head off on a hell-for-leather scramble to reclaim the plates and clear their names.

The movie itself is high octane throughout - with the A-Team crashing through walls, surviving exploding planes, engineering elaborate heists and finally having a showdown with the bad guys in the Los Angeles dockyards that involves such mayhem and carnage that every single action film that came before it pales in comparison.

The only thing that holds this rampage of riotous action together is the chemistry of the four stars - they actually come across as liking each other a lot more than the TV cast - and the sizzling script. The A-Team is written beautifully and I spent much of the first half of the movie howling with laughter at the lines.

Things get a little less taut towards the end - but ultimately the movie delivers a much more satisfactory cinematic experience than most big-budget blockbusters and in the areas that are most important, remained remarkably loyal to the show that inspired it.

There are even things that set the A-Team aside - like the bad guys working for US contractor 'Black Forest' which is obviously modeled on the controversial 'Black Water' currently up to no good in Iraq. The bad guy was a CIA agent played with menacing arrogance by Patrick Wilson, who neatly visualized many people's concerns about the blithe application of military action abroad when he ordered a missile strike on the A-Team and followed it up by saying: "Wow, that looked just like Call of Duty" (a famous video game.)

But morality lessons are not what the A-Team is all about. Ultimately, it's just a full-fledged action movie that stays smart and witty while delivering what fans of the original TV show (like myself) crave. In that respect, it was an enormous success. Don't miss it.