Oktoberfest at Myrtle Beach!

I hate the beach.

Actually, that's not true. I love the seaside, in certain places. For example, the crisp, white sand of Tresco, or the rocky pebbles of Saint Valery en Caux. When I lived there, the beaches were often deserted and I got to swim, stroll and enjoy them at my leisure.

Tresco - where the beach is a haven of tranquility

But here, 'the beach' is a different animal. In New Jersey, 'the beach' refers to the Jersey Shore - a length of sandy Atlantic beaches bustling with people and cars. You couldn't pay me to go there - especially not in the heat of summer.

The Jersey Shore - where the beach is like a writhing mass of sweaty hog meat

Sand, crowds, traffic and sunburn do not make for a happy Militant Ginger!

But down on South Carolina, it looks like the beach-brainiancs have actually come up with a beach-side bash that I would enjoy - and wouldn't have to slather myself up with suncream to attend!

This October, they're celebrating Oktoberfest - the German beer festival. On October 3rd, brats and beer will take over the beach and Myrtle Beach Hotels will play host to lager-quaffers in lederhosen.

"We've wanted to do something like this for a long time, and it just wouldn't be feasible in the summer," Oceanfront Merchants Association President Jonathan Staton explained. "We would never be able to shut down a section of Ocean Boulevard in the summer."

Free to enter and attend, the Oktoberfest will feature German beer, music and even a bratwurst-eating contest (sign me off of that one.) Fireworks will serve as the climax to the celebration.

"The polka band will be really fun," marketing manager Hatton Gravely boasted.

It's the first time Myrtle Beach Resorts will play host to Oktoberfest - and in addition to being a lot of fun, it's hoped to inject some extra out-of-season cash into the local economy. The festival itself is not-for-profit.

"Our goal isn't to make any money," Johnathan Staton admitted. "Any proceeds we do make will go to the Special Olympics, and to help cover some of the city's costs for providing services."

"This is the first time it has been done in a Myrtle Beach Resort," he added. "We're excited to bring people downtown."