Monday, December 08, 2008

4 Habits of Worthless People:

"Please take your shoes off..." Unless your guests have just trudged in through the Mississippi mudflats, it's just rude and pretentious to demand people take their shoes off before they enter your house.

For God's sake, that's linoleum in your kitchen. LINOLEUM! You can buy that crap for 99c a square foot at the dollar store.

Hell, my twenty year-old Lincoln had cleaner upholstery than you do and former New Jersey Governor McGreevey had sex on it.

Using your bluetooth at a urinal: So I'm standing next to a stranger in a public restroom. "Hello," he suddenly blurts out. "What's up, man?"

Just as I'm conjuring up how to respond to this wildly inappropriate men's room friendliness, he follows it up with: "Did'ya see the game last night? The Giants SUCKED, man."

Ah, yes, under that shaggy haircut, he's got one of those stupid bluetooth headsets. God, I hate those things. The only thing I hate MORE than those things is people who use them while they're taking a leak. I'm sorry, but nothing is so important that it can't wait until you've finished answering the call of nature.

Talking on your cell-phone while driving: New Jersey's drivers already wheel about the road like drunken monkeys, cup of Dunkin' Donuts in one hand, cigarette in the other... You'd think that would be obstacle enough; but, no.

The average NJ asshole wants to knock it up another notch by making some oh-so-important call while they're swerving in and out of traffic at 70mph.

"Nah, I can take your call. I'm only driving..."

Extra asshole points for actually having a hands-free device in your car but not bloody using it.

"I want to speak to your supervisor!" If you yell at your server at the restaurant, you deserve to be marched out into the parking lot and executed on the spot.

Everybody in America should have a year's mandatory service at their local TGI Fridays, so they learn first hand just how it is to be on the receiving end of typical customer crap.

While we're at it - can't you order something off the damn menu? Why do you have to swap this, substitute that, hold the whatsits and have the hoosits on the side? Can't you just order the meal as the chef spent long hours envisioning it?


Jodi said...

I can't. I'm a picky eater. But I am very very polite and appreciative. Usually I just want stuff left off. And I say thank you and a leave a big tip.

Coffee Bean said...

My my Mr. Grumpy! Did you have a bad day?

Roland Hulme said...

Jodi - as long as you don't yell at your server, I think we can forgive you. I have to admit, I break my own rule when it comes to chipotle sauce. I LIKE chipolte sauce, but not on EVERYTHING like it seems to be at the moment.

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