What would YOU do? A Competition!

Inspired by the likes of Essin' Em and Coffee Bean, who give away stuff on their website, I am going to be running a Christmas competition!

To enter this competition, all you need to do is leave a comment on this post. Every single verifiable comment made on or before December 15th will be thrown into a hat and the winner picked on December 11th. The lucky victor will receive a signed copy of (God, I'm such a self-publicist) my exciting novel Bootleg Boys.

Every comment counts as an entry, just as long as I can get in contact with the commenter and it's not spam (i.e. flogging Viagra or penis enlargement or whatever.) It can be answering my question, or responding to somebody else's answer.

I can't wait to hear your answers. Now on with the competition:

Congratulations, Governor!

Due to rampant statewide voter registration fraud by ACORN, you have inexplicably been elected Governor of the 51st American State (you know, 'The Imaginary State.')

This beautiful northeastern state boasts both a rich rural economy and a bustling city center, with several major American corporations and factories headquartered in the capital, Nixon.

The population is uniquely moderate, making your state one of the prime 'swing states' and leaving your legislative houses deadlocked between Democrat and Republican.

Your state animal is the Spotted Ass and your State Flower is the Daffodil. Last year, only three tourists were eaten by bears or kidnapped and tortured by inbred hillsmen, so all in all, things are looking pretty good!

While the state supreme court sorts out who's REALLY Governor, you have been left in charge. Please examine the questions below and then leave a comment about what YOU would do.

1: The Bipartisan Bill

With a deadlocked house, both liberals and conservatives fight to get their agendas across. That's why, in an almost unheard of move, backbenchers from both parties have united and put together the 'Bipartisan Bill for Social Justice' for presentation to the house.

With your backing and support, it's likely that this bill would get passed into law. On the other hand, you also wield the 'veto' pen (and it's a very nice Mont Blanc.) You can't make any amendments to this bill. You can either help it become law, or kill it.

The Bipartisan Bill for Social Justice

This bill comprises three amendments to the state constitution:

1. The immediate statewide ban and subsequent illegality of all abortions, except in the case of rape and/or incest, or when the mother's life is in jeopardy.
2. The immediate recognition all all same-sex marriages, granting exactly the same rights, responsibilities and duties of a traditional marriage between man and woman.
3. The immediate and permanent discontinuance of Capital Punishment across the state, with the sentence of all death-row inmates to be commuted to life imprisonment without possibility of parole.

Would you help this bill become law? Or veto it?

2: The Statewide Project to Reduce Abortion

Both Democrats and Republicans wish to reduce the number of abortions performed in our great state. For that reason, a group of liberal Democrats and conservative Republicans have both formulated strategies to tackle the abortion issue statewide. As Governor, you are expected to get fully behind one particular strategy, but can't amend or alter the initiatives in any way. Which one would it be?

The Democratic Project for the Reduction of Abortion

The Democrats wish to spend tens of millions of dollars in explicit sex-education programs in school, promoting abstinence, safe-sex and the responsible use of birth control.

In addition, they wish to launch several expensive family planning initiatives, which include giving out free condoms and birth control in low-income areas and allowing teenagers and minors to receive free birth control without the doctor informing their parents.

They would also role out dramatic welfare programs to encourage low-income families and single women to keep their babies, or assist them with giving their newborns up for adoption by encouraging adoption and fostering, including amongst unmarried couples and single gay people or same-sex couples.

Your trusted advisers estimate that the Democratic project would be successful in reducing abortions in your state by as much as 35% over the course of the next three years. However, this project would cost the state millions of dollars and decrease the average age of teenagers starting sexual activity from 17 to 16.

The Republican Project for Life

The Republicans wish to make a constitutional amendment recognizing that life begins at the moment of conception, thereby making any and all abortions across the state illegal.

Your trusted advisers warn that this project would only eliminate abortions statistically, as hospitals and clinics would no longer record the number of abortions performed.

In fact, your advisers suggest that in combining the numbers of illegal abortions and those now performed out-of-state, the project could eliminate abortions by state residents as little as 15%. You will never know for sure.

In addition, they estimate it would see 1000 people jailed for involvement in illegal abortions over the course of the next few years and at least 50 deaths as a result of badly performed, unregulated 'backstreet' abortions. However, it would be very cost effective in comparison to the Democrat's plan.

ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE!

Just leave your comments below on or before December 10th and, if you're picked from the hat, you'll receive a copy of Bootleg Boys, signed, personalized and mailed out anywhere in the world (but not guaranteed to arrive before Christmas if you live somewhere stupid.)

Bootleg Boys

by Roland Hulme

When it comes to doing business with bootleggers, Adventure Eddy soon discovers that breaking deals comes as naturally to them as breaking import regulations.

So when unscrupulous smuggler Joe Jenkins stiffs him as badly as he’s stiffed Customs & Excise, Eddy decides it’s time to take back what he’s owed.

But swindling a swindler isn’t as simple as it sounds – and the local police are getting increasingly suspicious.

Teaming up with a murderous ex-girlfriend, a scheming stripper and an underhanded attorney, Adventure Eddy embarks on his most ambitious exploit to date.

It’ll take daredevil driving, split-second timing and nerves of steel – but at the end of the day, that’s what being one of the Bootleg Boys is all about.