Militant Ducks

In our little town, there is a gang.

They shuffle about in a big group, going wherever they want and intimidating anybody in their way. They cackle and squawk at strangers and mark their territory with white spray. Nobody messes with them.

And this isn't a group of kids we're talking about. Nope. They're ducks.

Canadian Geese, to be exact. New Jersey is full of them.

These geese are utterly fearless. They make the rules. If you find them sitting across your path, you'd better find another way around, because they'll bite and flap just as menacingly as any chavvy teenager.

They're even fearless around cars. Their favourite trick is to sit in a parking lot and glare menacingly at people as they scurry past them to the safety of their automobiles. Once behind the wheel, people foolishly believe the ducks will let them roll past onto the highway. No such luck. They'll sit resolutely in the path of oncoming traffic until the car stops or they become a goose pancake. And Jersey-ites, being such animal lovers, never let that happen.

Who would have thought that the cuddly land of maple syrup could produce such curmudgeonly critters? If the ducks continue to spread, how long will it before before New York comes to a shuddering halt - hostages of the Mallard Mob?

Foul play, I believe.