Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Captain Jack Dies!

Twice, actually.

And in what I SWEAR will be the last of the Doctor Who themed posts on this blog for a while, I will bring you the other exciting revelations from last night's season finale of Torchwood.

Now when I wrote my last post on Torchwood, Russell T. Davies Sucks, I said I was through with Torchwood. And I was. I didn't watch another episode from that point on. But last night, in an attempt to get my sleep patterns back in sync with the help of Rescue Remedy and Cocodemol, I stayed up to watch the back to back episodes that concluded the season.

In Captain Jack Harkness, Jack and that Japanese bird got hurled back in time to 1941, where Jack came face to face with... himself! Actually, he met an American called Captain Jack Harkness, who was later (or earlier... this time travel stuff does my head in) to be the poor sod our Captain Jack steals his identity from.

Swinging time traveller Jack does what any self respecting 40's obsessed bisexual confidence trickster would and snogs... erm.... himself. In front of all the other RAF types at this particular party. Which would OF COURSE been totally acceptable in the 1940's. Just like turning up mufti with a Japanese lady in tow.

Yes, it was Russell T. Davies strong arming yet MORE same-sexual angst into the show despite the fact that it came across as horribly forced. But it didn't matter. The incompetent staff of Torchwood managed to open up 'the rift' and rescue Jack and Toshiko from the 40's.

In "End of Days" it turns out that the rift Torchwood opened up is unstable, dumping figures from past and future across the world. What then proceeds is further evidence that the Torchwood team (Jack excluded) are a bunch of incompetent morons, as Captain Jack struggles to prevent them opening up the rift again.

Owen, the scrawny little immoral git who seems to get all the ladies (presumably because he's the only straight male character) then proceeds to shoot Jack in the head. Then they open up the rift.

Captain Jack, being immortal (did I mention that) comes back to life and is carried out of the exploding Torchwood headquarters as it crashes down around their ears. And out in the Roald Dahl Plass, they see an enormous creature appear from nowhere.

Yes! That's right! It's Satan! Or the big monster from Doctor Who episode The Satan Pit.

For most of us, the appearance of a 100 feet tall Satanic demon, whose shadow kills anybody it falls upon, would cause us all a bit of panic. But not Captain Jack.

Telling the rest of the team to bugger off (which he should have done in the first episode, if you ask me) he meets the demon head on and defeats him by... standing in his shadow.

You see, Captain Jack is immortal. And the demon sucks life throught it's... er... shadow. So it dies when the shadow falls on Captain Jack. And in the space of three minutes of dramatic computer generated effects, the episode's major baddie is neatly destroyed.

And conveniently, everything that went wrong in the episode (like the boyfriend Gwen's been cheating on getting shish-kebabed) is neatly fixed and all returns to normal.

Except... Sob! Captain Jack is dead. Erm... again.

But Captain Jack is immortal, so after a few days of lying in the morgue, looking pale and haughty (guy's got amazing cheekbones) he comes back to life and reappears with that cheeky grin of his. And all the Torchwood guys appear and hug him and everybody is happy. Owen, who of course shot Jack in the head (not realising he was immortal) sniffles a bit to show he's 'really really sowwy' and Jack tells him he forgives him.

Which is convenient. I'd be more likely to shout: "You shot me, you weasly little git!" and do the same to him. But I'm not Captain Jack, so I don't need to worry about things like that. Nor do I have to endure yet ANOTHER same-sex kiss forced into the episode (Jack snogs personality-impaired Ianto.)

So the episode wraps up. All looks well. And then The Cool Thing happens.

Captain Jack's pet hand-in-a-jar (the hand the Doctor had lopped off in the Christmas Invasion) starts glowing and the sound of the Tardis appears. And Gwen runs into the room to discover Captain Jack is gone!

Mercifully rescued from the grimness of Torchwood's sewer like headquarters by the Doctor, who took his bloody time about that rescue job, if you ask me.

And that concludes Season One of Torchwood.

Presumably the disappearance of Captain Jack neatly wrapped up the season. But the fact that Series Two has been commissioned presents a problem... How will Captain Jack return?

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