Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Roly the Human Pin Cushion

Today I had my medical for my U.S. Visa.

I can't claim it was a painless experience, but it wasn't unpleasant.

Heading up to London, I strolled through Oxford Circus and made my way to the medical centre. The only medical centre in London authorised by the U.S. Embassy to conduct these medicals. Which they charge £160 a time for.

Whoever landed that contract deserves a bloody medal.

Anyway. I was injected with vaccines for Tetnus and MMR, which was bloody painful and has given me a sore right arm, then marched in to see a charming German doctor who poked and prodded me in the sort of ways nobody's done before. At least not without buying me a drink first.

I did get a clean bill of health from him, though. No high blood pressure. No dodgy lung patterns. We're pretty sure the HIV and Syphillis tests will come back clear *(I get them on Monday, so watch this space.)

Then I had an x-ray of my chest and I was free to go.

I'm feeling a bit fluey and achey after the MMR jab (which is normal) and hopefully the test results will be satisfactory to the US Government. I'm confident I don't have HIV or Syphillis, but they do test your liver enzymes for signs of mental illness (i.e. drug or alcohol abuse, according the the U.S Government) so I'm a bit worried about the fat glass of rouge I've enjoyed after work each night since... Well, since as long as I can remember, actually.

But it's over.

Everybody was charming. The doctor especially. He was German 'und schpoke vis a very strong German accent, ja?' I was a bit self concious hopping around in my undies in front of him.

My bruised arms and irradiated midriff will recover. Our bank account too, but it wasn't a cheap visit. A few posts ago, I mentioned the costs of returning to America. I seriously underestimated the cost of this medical.

Parking at Winchester Station: £6.20
Return ticket to Waterloo: £40.80
2 Underground tickets: £6.00 (six bloody quid!!!!!)
Cost of Medical: £160.00
Cost of MMR jab: £35.00
Cost of Tetnus jab: £25.00
Cost of HIV/Blood test: £25.00

Total: £298.00

No wonder I don't go to the doctor more often!

* That's meant to be sarcasm, by the way. Of course they'll come back clear.

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