Princess Diana and other good ways to Waste Taxpayer's Money

Next week, a hearing begins to investigate the circumstances surrounding the death of Princess Diana.

As if the countless documentries, investigations, reports and articles hadn't already picked over every single aspect of the unfortunate accident with a fine flea-comb!

Just last December, a lengthy British police investigation ruled that the crash which killed Diana was an accident and decided that she was not the victim of an elaborate murder plot.

A two-year French investigation has already reached the same conclusion.

Which begs the question: Why are we having ANOTHER bloody hearing?

The woman's been dead for over a decade now. Certainly, there are unanswered questions regarding how Dodi and Diana died - but is it really in the public interest for thousands of pounds to be channeled into ANOTHER tedious, repetitive and ultimately pointless hearing?

Almost 3,500 people die every year on the roads of Great Britain. Unfortunately, because none of those poor people were 'the Queen of Hearts,' their deaths are usually buttoned up and filed away with the minimum of fuss and effort. Case closed - as Diana's should be.

Britain needs to move on. To paraphrase one of the lines from the Oscar winning Helen Mirren film The Queen: "Princess Diana manages to be even more annoying dead than she was alive."

Lady Diana

I never knew Princess Diana. I know very little about her. All I do know is that ten years ago, I got up extra early to watch this weird Canadian TV show (starring an inexplicably attractive actress) and Channel 4 had cancelled it to provide what turned out to be an entire WEEK of coverage of the Princess' death.

And from that I learned something tragic. Diana's death was the best thing that ever happened to her career.

Even a decade later - about thirty percent as long as she was actually alive - Diana continues to dominate the headlines as people continue to commemorate her passing.

Rumours are still flying about her death. Documentaries are still being made about her life. Despite being dead a third as long as she was alive, people won't shut up about her.

And it seems crazy to me. What on earth is this obsession with Princess Diana?

Now I'm sure she was a lovely person. She did wonderful work for important charities like the Landmine Survivor's Network. She hugged more people with AIDS than any recorded celebrity. She helped win the International Campaign to Ban Landmines it's 1997 Nobel Peace Prize.

But she was also a person. And she only did as much charitable work as any person could do in the course of, say, a lifetime.

There are people out there asking for Diana to be canonized! Question Mark?

These people deserve to be roughly slapped! For a start, to be declared a Saint I believe you need to be Catholic. Secondly, you need to do more than pat a few hands and raise a a few quid for charity.

Elton John might have rewritten "Candle in the Wind" for Diana, but her work was far overshadowed by a legitimate potential Saint whose death Diana overshadowed - and as far as recognition for the works of Mother Teresa went, Elton John might as well have sung: "Sandals in the Bin."

Lady Diana wasn't a saint. She wasn't anything apart from a tragic, lonely woman who was exploited by royalty, the media and the varied men in her lives. I don't want to say anything against her personally - I am painfully aware that she was the mother of Princes William and Harry, who are both apparently wonderful sorts - but this fevered reverence of the woman is ridiculous.

Do you think her many lovers, like Major Hewitt or Will Carling, considered her a Saint as they wrung their sleazy kiss and tell through the media meat grinder?

Do you think dodgy gurus like Susan Orbach and Stephen Twigg wormed their way into her affections for anything other then personal gain?

Slimy types like her butler, Paul Burrell, continue to promote the 'cult of Diana' in order to milk the 'Lady Di' cash cow as much as possible.

And what has sprung up in Diana's absence is a cult. A lot of delusional people who take the blank slate of Diana's tragic life and scrawl whatever values they want on it. Diana seemed to exist in a kind of vacuum, surrounded as she was by so many people who cared more for what she could GIVE them than for the woman herself.

Diana died tragically early without ever establishing who SHE was and what SHE believed. Instead we have row upon row of dubious 'acquaintances' who have made careers in telling us what they thought the Princess was really all about.

And there are hundred and thousands of people in the UK who look to the beautiful Princess as the vessel for their own values, hopes and dreams.

The thousands of bunches of flowers. The millions of cards. The gallons of tears shed for her when she passed.

None of that was for Diana herself.

Only her sons and family could really feel the loss. Those thousands of people instead wept for the loss of whatever dreams and values they'd used to fill in Diana's blanks.

Ten years later, people are still weeping and wailing for Princess Diana - but it's more and more obvious that nobody actually knew or cared about the REAL Lady Di. They're more interested in lamenting the Queen of Hearts, the blond mannequin who represented everything they're weeping about. Mourning Diana is an entirely selfish pursuit.

Princess Diana is dead. She left behind some pretty solid charity work and two fine young sons. Stop the insidious, fake 'mourning' and 'tributes' for this poor woman and let her rest in piece. Her influence in your life - and mine - was confined to column inches in the tabloids. If you believe it's anything more substantial than that, you're lying to yourself.