Belgium: World's Longest Political Crisis Doesn't Even Make the Paper

I was astonished today to learn that Belgium is undergoing the longest political crisis in history - even more than the nearly year-long period in which Iraq didn't have a government.

The more astonishing thing? This is the first I'm hearing about it!

Despite the fact that Belgium is struggling to form a coalition government - and some Flemish factions are even muttering about secession, this crisis hasn't appeared in a leading story anywhere in the American media (as far as I know.)

This surprises me, because we've all been excitedly reporting on the political upheavals in Algeria and Egypt, while a first world nation has been cruising along without anybody at the helm for almost a year now!

Not only that, but this meandering monarchy is home to the headquarters of the European Union, no less (and since we were talking about undemocratic ruling authorities, you can't get away without mentioning the EU.)

French-speaking Franz Coquidor and Dutch-speaking Leon Zoetebier bicycle in opposite directions, symbolizing the major problem in Belgium politics - two opposing halves of the same nation both vying for more autonomy in government.

I'm not sure WHY America deigns Belgium to be such a political irrelevance. Perhaps it's because they haven't got tanks driving through throngs of protesters, or the fact that nobody in Belgium has taken it upon themselves to sexually assault a CNN reporter yet.

Instead, protesters are refusing to shave and handing out free chips (and that's just not worthy of column inches in the Wall Street Journal.) Some students even stripped naked (and that's just not allowed in the columns of the Wall Street Journal.)

Belgium's most famous resident, Tintin, was an early opponent of journalistic impartiality, and has already toppled governments in Eastern Europe and South America. He'll have fun in his hometown!

Actually, my theory is slightly less cynical than that.

The fact is, Belgium's a disgustingly civilized place, and even in the midst of a political crisis, seems to be sailing along quite happily.

Countries like Egypt, on the other hand, recently exchanged a dictatorship for an interim military junta (I'm not exactly sure WHY we're cheering so heartily about it on Facebook) and will doubtless do what every other Middle Eastern country seems to when offered the bounty of free and fair elections: Vote in an autonomous, fundamentalist regime that turns out to be worse than the fat freeloader they just dethroned.

So really, by comparison, Belgium's political problems are small potatoes (French fried, dipped in mayo.) What's more, being attached to neither oil, nor the Middle Eastern balance of power, nobody in America could care less about them.

European Elections are a Total Waste of Time

Today sees the biggest trans-national election in history - during which almost 500 million Europeans will have the chance to elect the 736 members of the European Parliament who will go and represent them in the European Union.

One tricky aspect of the European elections is that they're a TOTAL load of bunk.

The European Parliament is one of the most pathetic, powerless organizations in Democratic history. All major decisions - proposing legislation, implementing decisions, upholding the Union's treaties and generally running the EU - are made by the European Commission, the 'executive' of Europe itself, not the European Parliament.

The European Commission runs the EU. There are 27 European Commissioners, one for each country, and none of them are elected. They're selected by their nation's government (removing the voter from the equation entirely.)

The only body to whom the European Commission is accountable is the European Council - made up of the heads of state of all 27 member nations (effectively, the people who selected the European Commission in the first place.)

The European Commission can MAKE laws. They can EXECUTE laws. They can ENFORCE laws. In contrast, the European Parliament - the only body us Euro-plebs are permitted to elect, can do none of these things.

The European Parliament, in contrast to just about every Democratic parliament currently in existence, does not have the power of 'legislative initiative.' They can't make laws - only vote for laws proposed by the European Commission.

The EU Parliamentary Complex in Strasbourg

(...and history has shown that only 15% of such laws failed to pass the Parliamentary process - effectively making them little more than a rubber stamp for the unelected, unaccountable European Commission.)

In fact, the European Parliament's only real power is in being what's described as a 'pan-European soapbox.' They have the ear of the European Union's journalists and that's about it.

As far as actual power goes, the European Parliament is limited to issuing non-binding resolutions and forming committees. They are the ultimate demonstration of bureaucracy for bureaucracy's sake.

They don't even have any real power over the European budget: The (unelected, unaccountable) European Commission controls the 'compulsory spending' and the European Parliament is thrown the 'non compulsory spending' as scraps, which they can bicker over while the real powers in Europe go about their business.

So while it is important for people in Europe to go out and vote today, nobody should kid themselves that it's going to make any difference.

The European Union is run by an unaccountable elite, who make decisions affecting everybody in the EU with a sort of detached, disdainful attitude. They're not subject to the voter's whims because, well, the voters can't be trusted with making decisions of this magnitude!

Just look at Ireland's referendum in 2008; in which normal, everyday voters were allowed to decide on adopting the 'European Constitution.' What happened? The voters rejected the Treaty of Lisbon.

The European Commissioners were quivering with anger. "Why couldn't the bloody Paddies just rubber stamp the damn Constitution like every other country in Europe had?"

The European Union is ridiculously undemocratic - which means, sadly, that just about every vote cast in the 2009 European Parliamentary Elections will be an entirely wasted one.