Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Obama's Birth Certificate

It started 47 years ago, when Barack Mohammad Obama was born in the Aga Khan University Hospital of Nairobi.

As his Kenyan family assembled around Ann Dunham Obama's bed, to watch the beautiful infant curl his tiny fingers around his mother's thumb, a conspiracy was already under way - one which would set in motion a path of events taking nearly half a century to complete.

"This baby," said Barack Obama Sr, watching his son squirm, "will one day become President of the United States."

"But Barack," one of Obama's Luo friends warned him, "such a thing is impossible. For a man to become President of America, he must be what they call a 'natural born citizen.'"

"Well then," Obama sneered, "that is what we must make baby Barack..."

And so they did.

Teaming up with the Kenyan government, the staff of Aga Khan hospital and every employee and executive of Continental Airlines, Barack Obama Snr successfully covered up his wife's trip to Africa, instead fabricating a fool-proof fiction that suggested that she'd never left Hawaii and little Barack had been born there, instead. They smuggled baby Barack into America, successfully silencing the crew, stewards, pilots and passengers of the commandeered aircraft into maintaining this secret.

Next, teaming up with the staff at Kapi'olani Medical Center for Women & Children, in Honolulu Hawaii, Obama Snr successfully managed to forge documentation recording baby Barack's birth there. Through his connections with the Hawaii state government, he successfully obtained a fake birth certificate recording Obama's birthplace at the USA, rather than Nairobi. Realising that his Muslim heritage might be a disadvantage in fifty years time, Obama changed Barack's middle name from 'Mohammad' to 'Hussein' at the same time.

But the conspiracy was not done there...

Barack Obama's friends at the Honolulu Advertiser placed two birth announcements in the local papers, in order to fool the general public into believing that the child of Ann Dunham and Barack Obama Senior was actually born in America, rather than Africa.

And only after accomplishing this masterstroke of deception, which entailed the collaboration of hundreds of state and government officials in two different countries, could Barack Obama Snr cross his arms and smile in satisfaction.

"Now," he beamed, looking forward 47 years into the future, "now all is prepared for my son to become President."
If you're unaware, the above is a brief fiction I've written - based on what's commonly accepted amongst a subset of American conservatives calling themselves 'birthers.'

These idiots - and idiots is the only accurate description of 'birthers' - are still bleating the conspiracy that Barack Obama is not an American citizen, and was actually born in Kenya. This, according to them, makes him ineligible to occupy the White House.
"We're getting ready for the Communist takeover of America with a non-citizen at the helm."
'Birthers' rank even higher than 'truthers' in their idiocy.

['Truthers,' for the uninitiated, are the conspiracy theorists who believe that Bush, Cheney and a Israeli illuminati conspired to bring down the twin towers on 9/11 - Editorial Bear]

You'd think that 'birthers' would have crawled back into the woodwork, over six months after Obama took office. However, they're still at work - gloriously undermining the Republican's attempt to reform into an electable party. Just last week, 'birthers' heckled moderate Republican Michael Castle, when he announced to the audience at a town hall event in Delaware that 'the president there, he is a citizen of the United States.'

My problem with the 'birthers' is that their doubts of Obama's citizenship are just deeply, deeply stupid. Even worse than that, they're persistant.

Even today, Hawaii State Officials were forced to reiterate that Obama's birth certificate is genuine and that he was born in the United States of America on August 4th, 1961.

Obama's birth certificate, in the hands of FackCheck writer Joe Miller

The fact that they had to do this - again - shows what a farce the situation is and how stubbornly, unbelieveably stupid 'birthers' are. Just like all the idiots in the far right of American politics, they still believe in the fallacy that if you want something to be true badly enough (Obama's fake certificate, creationism, the 'conspiracy' of Global Warming) than you can 'believe' it into becoming the truth.

A birth announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser, August 8th 1961

Unfortunately for them, that's not true. 'Truth' isn't decided by committee, or popular opinion - only by cold, sterile, objective examination of the facts. And in this instance, the facts are unequivocal. Barack Obama was born in the United States of America and is a United States citizen - making him eminently qualified to hold the office of President.

8 comments:

Tom said...

Well, I still think that the 9/11 "truthers" are more insane, as they tend to make assertions that can be disproven with scientific testing, rather than documentation.

I'd suggest that most birthers would place the conspiracy far later, around the time that Obama began running for president. What makes things interesting is that we've never seen a contemporaneous birth certificate for Obama, only printouts that have been made over the past year or two.

(What's being held up in that picture would appear to be a modern printout, as it has wasted space that makes it the right size to fit in a printer tray.)

Now, I don't actually believe any of this. Plenty of people lose their original birth certificates and have to get them re-printed. That's probably what happened here.

What's more, even if Obama was born in, say, Indonesia, so what? Your son would have been an American citizen, through his mother, even if he was born in the UK, and Obama would have been a citizen through _his_ mother regardless of where he was born. That's what I don't get.

But I still think this is a more plausible conspiracy than the 9/11 theories, as it would require only a single person to alter records, rather than a massive cover-up.

Roland Hulme said...

I think the reason a contemporary certificate doesn't exist is because Hawaii scrapped all paper copies in (I think) 2001. I guess Obama's mother might have lost her copy - they did move to Indonesia.

I have my original 'short form' birth certificate, but when I moved to the USA I had to get my 'long form' as a copy from the hall of records in Winchester, UK.

I read somewhere else that Honolulu doesn't 'do' long form copies any more, which is why Obama's is the short form.

But you're right. HIS MUM WAS AMERICAN! God, when Boo runs as Republican President in 2043 is he going to get the same crap, just because I'm British (as Obama's Dad was)

Anonymous said...

Here’s Obama’s dilemma in a nutshell (READ VERY CAREFULLY AND DIGEST):

If BHO shows his original long form birth certificate, indeed showing he was born in Hawaii, it will also show his father was American citizen, Frank Marshall Davis, not the Kenyan/British citizen, Barack Obama Sr. While that would allow Barack Jr. to be POTUS eligible as BOTH a "citizen"/“native born citizen” AND an Article 2 “natural born citizen” -- that is, born to two American citizens on American soil -- it would simultaneously show he is a fraud hiding his real father -- an unacceptable political debacle.

If, on the other hand, BHO keeps hiding his original long form birth certificate -- while simply repeating, without showing, he was born in Hawaii -- he can still CLAIM BOTH he was born in Hawaii AND his father was the Kenyan/British Barack Obama Sr. This would enable Barack Jr. to claim he's a "citizen"/“native born citizen” but it would mean (if a federal court would ever get around to declaring and thus far no one has standing to bring the suit) that he’s NOT an Article 2 “natural born citizen” and thus not eligible to be POTUS -- an legal/constitutional debacle since all acts under an illegal POTUS are void.

So it seems, BHO has elected option one until forced to go option two because for now it looks like no federal court will ever find a plaintiff with standing. (Of course, there’s the additional issue of BHO losing American citizen status if/when he became an Indonesian citizen -- that is, IF he returned and was naturalized he would be a legal citizen, but would lose both native and natural born status, and, IF he returned and was not naturalized, he would be an illegal immigrant unlawfully in this country -- but we’ll leave that for another day.)

Roland Hulme said...

Anonymous - BHO's short form birth certificate confirms that his father is Obama. His long form certificate, if it was still possible to obtain such a thing, would have THE VERY SAME INFORMATION ON IT.

Obama's mother was an American citizen, which means at birth he, too, was a natural born American citizen (as is, according to our constitution, any child born on American soil.) Obama could have claimed dual citzenship because of his father's British nationality, but didn't and as such, his claim expired when he turned 18. This means he is, and always has been, a US citizen.

Your claims are both factually inaccurate and just, plain daft.

ddadmin said...

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Border Raven's Blog said...

"American citizen by birth", and a "natural born US citizen", are two different entities, both sharing equal rights, but only one being eligible to be POTUS. Those born of the blood OR the soil, are USA citizens. Those born of the blood AND the soil, are USA Natural Born Citizens eligible for POTUS.

8USC1401- The following shall be nationals and citizens of the United States at birth:(A)a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof;"

My argument:
First key word to that section is the conjunction "and". Second key word is "jurisdiction". A person born on USA soil might be a US citizen,except the child is a minor, subject to the parent, and if the parent is recognized by the US State Department as US citizen with allegiance to the USA, then the parent is subject to the US Constitution, and all laws and treaties attached. But, Natural Born Citizen, requires both parents to have established allegiance to the USA, so that both parents are subject to the US Constitution, and all laws and treaties attached.

It is an established fact that Barack Obama Sr, was a Kenyan-born British citizen. Thus, Barack Obama Jr, cannot legally be POTUS under the US Constitution.

As far as a minor being taken to Indonesia, in Perkins v. Elg, 307 U.S. 325 (1939) a minor born in the USA to two parents naturalized US citizens was taken to Sweden, the parents switched to Swedish citizens, then their daughter later returned to the USA as an adult, and was determined by SCOTUS to be NBC.

BHO Jr, is not NBC, but he is a mistery.

Roland Hulme said...

The 14th Amendment defines citizenship this way: "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside."

But even this does not get specific enough. As usual, the Constitution provides the framework for the law, but it is the law that fills in the gaps.

Currently, Title 8 of the U.S. Code fills in those gaps. Section 1401 defines "citizens of the United States at birth:"

* Anyone born inside the United States *


Anyone falling into that category is considered natural-born, and is eligible to run for President or Vice President.

Obama was born in the United States. Case closed. End of.

Border Raven's Blog said...

No person except a natural born Citizen, ... shall be eligible to the Office of President

Vattel’s Law of Nations: § 212. Citizens and natives

The citizens are the members of the civil society; bound to this society by certain duties, and subject to its authority, they equally participate in its advantages. The natives, or natural-born citizens, are those born in the country, of parents who are citizens.

Finally, the Supreme Court of the United States, in Minor v. Happersett, confirmed the definition of an Article II natural born citizen as “children born in a country of parents who were its citizens”.