Thursday, July 03, 2008

Guest Post by Editorial Bear

Hello! Editorial Bear here, with some quick thoughts about the election!

Voting is VERY important. Anybody who can legally vote, but chooses not to, should be soundly beaten with a wet fish. People fought and died for your right to vote and you disrespect their memory when you chose to remain politically impotent.

REMEMBER! There is only ONE reasonable excuse for not voting. You don't want to put your name on the Electoral Roll because you don't want to get picked for Jury Service.

I do understand that some people just don't know who to pick in the upcoming election. For that reason, I've compiled the handy 'Editorial Bear Political Spectrum Analysis.'


Simply plot your position on the chart (somewhere between pothead and redneck) and the candidate closest to where you land is the one you should vote for.

For example, if you're a typical boring leftie, with delusions about 'sharing the wealth' and driving hybrid cars, you should clearly vote for Obama.

If you're in the middle of the spectrum - you really couldn't give two hoots about politics, gays are alright in your book, you want lower taxes and you believe in the death penalty than you're slightly left of middle-of-the-road McCain - and you should vote for him.

If you're a shotgun wielding hick with a pick up truck emblazoned with NRA bumper stickers, you might think McCain is a too darn liberal - but you should still vote! Even though he's FAR to the left of whatever back-wood you're standing in, he's still a damn sight closer to your tobacco-chewin' political opinions than ol' Obama!

If you chose not to vote this election, I can only promise you one thing. The candidate you don't want will get elected (especially if you don't want either of them.) So get up off your La-Z-Boy and do your duty. Vote for the candidate you hate the least!

But getting all serious for a second - I can't stand the political pessimism at the moment. Both Barack Obama and John McCain are the most exciting and promising presidential candidates for forty years. If this election has proven anything - it's that the left keep whining and the right won't stop bitching.

Shaddap and vote!

Oh, and thanks for stopping by.

Love and vodka,

Editorial Bear

4 comments:

Meghan said...

Good advice, Editorial Bear!

The Chemist said...

Wait a second! I'm beginning to suspect editorial bear might be more than a cuddly grammar Nazi. I think there's someone back there putting words in his mouth.

I'm through with appearances! Bin Laden, let go of the teddy bear and come out with your hands up!

Asking people to vote, nice try liberal hippie scum!

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Coffee Bean said...

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