Celebrating Mediocrity

Blogs are the last refuge of the self publicist. That's why I have one, after all!

And I'll quite happily admit that I don't keep a daily blog for it to languish in obscurity. I check my stats every day to see how many people have visited - and what articles they've read. Back in the days of the Peanut Allergy Saga, I was getting a cool 1,000 unique visits a day!

But my blog is just one voice amongst many - in what people call the 'Blogosphere' - that's the community of thousands of varied blogs people write. And for all my obsessive stat-clicking, I have nothing on some of the dudes out there. They literally foam at the mouth over this sort of thing.

In the battle for global 'blogsophere' recognition, the only thing better than a healthy 'hit' counter is recognition by your peers. That's why there are many awards out there various bloggers grant to their fellow self-publicists. The Weblog Awards are far and away the largest and most organised of these, with 525,000 votes being cast to decide the winners of 49 different categories.

Considering that the vote is being held over 8 days - and generously assuming interested nominees limit their 'personal' voting to two ISP addresses, that puts the number of people visiting the Weblog Awards at around 30,000.

Pretty impressive.

Equally impressive are some of the nominated blogs. Donald Trump, Kayne West and Rosie O'Donnell are in the running to win Best Celebrity Blog, while The Huffington Post, Angry Black Cat and Little Green Footballs are celebrity blogs in their own right. The standard of nominees seems to be extremely high and if you're looking to find a few new interesting blogs, I'd certainly have a sniff about to see what takes your fancy.

Although you might want to avoid the 'Best UK Blog' category.

Not because some of the nominees aren't interesting. There's Iain Dale, a Liberal Democrat MP [Actually Exile has pointed out that he is a conservative. Do some research, Roland - Editorial Bear] Baggage Reclaim, which is a smart and sassy blog about dating and relationships and Kickette, which is a fun and funky blog dedicated to footballers and WAGS.

I'm not into Liberal Democrats, dating or lusting after footballers, but I have to admit that these are nicely constructed blogs, which stay on topic (the reason I'd never be nominated for this sort of thing) and compare very favourably against other higher profile blogs.

Steer clear, though, because none of these blogs are likely to win the UK award.

Inexplicably, the blog of scrubby journalist Neil Clark is leading that field, shooting three hundred votes ahead of the competition.

At first I found it absolutely astonishing - why would a clearly less professional blog be winning by such a huge margin? And then I remembered that this was the award for 'Best UK Blog' and the wonderfully consistent thing about my mother country is that we Brits adore celebrating mediocrity.

Whether it's the cult of Big Brother, making television stars out of the likes of 'Princess' Nicki or Jade Goody, or just the sheer awfulness of things like 'Pop Idol' - we Brits seem to love elevating the utterly mundane into the spotlight.

After all, we all like to feel superior to our celebrities.

It really is a pity, because Neil Clark's blog is almost entirely without merit. His rivals in the 'Best UK Blog' category all manage to blow his blog out of the water, both in style and substance.

Just take a look at them. Even similarly angled 'political' blogs like The Devil's Kitchen feature clever branding and attractive layouts. Kickette has succumbed to the lure of advertising revenue, just like Monsieur Clark - only their adverts are bright and relevant, while Clark has mindlessly clicked on the 'Google Ads' button. This merely identifies that he has as little commercial ambition as he does aesthetic flair - but he's greedy (or cheap.)

I mean, even the profile picture betrays Neil Clark's lack of effort. At Iain Dale's blog, he has a nice, clear photo superimposed onto the backdrop of the Houses of Parliament. Neil's offering is a dodgy looking passport snap that makes him look like a shaggy, unshaven repeat offender.

But there's more to life than appearances, I hear you say. After all, Rosie O'Donnell is in the running for an award and she looks like a militant lesbian prison wardress [You're half right - Editorial Bear]

Well, in response to that, I suggest you actually read Monsieur Clark's work. Actually, on second thought, don't. Just take my word for it - or base your opinion off a 'random' quote: "There are many charges to be made against the US/UK turbo-globalist neo-liberal model."

His blog is ghastly.

I will admit, I'm no great fan of The Guardian, but the fact that the national newspaper counts Mister Clark as one of it's contributors does the rag no credit whatsoever.

In amongst bitching about not being able to smoke in his local pubs, hotlinking to biographies of British actresses who've been dead for half a century and picking fights with other bloggers (yawn!) Mr Clark rants nonsensically about politics, economics and horse racing.

His entire blog is written in the style of a pompous, self important university student, who laces his posts with inappropriate and often nonsensical jargon like 'turbo-globalist.'

It is dreary. It is self important. It is entirely pointless. It's just absolutely bloody awful.

The other nominees in the 'Best UK Blog' category have so much more going for them. Nothing on Neil's terrible blog comes close to Kickette's amusing rant about pop-tart Danielle Lloyd's 'potty mouth bigotry' - and they include pictures of her in a bikini, too!

If that's too 'The Sun' for the pompous likes of Mr Clark, the EU Referendum blog, also in the running for the 'Best UK Blog' award, tackles Neil's beloved Hungary head on with an article that's written far more fluently and amusingly than anything his blog can vomit up.

And finally, if you're looking for an article that is tailored to suit a target audience (a concept Neil seems unable to grasp) there's an interesting post on Baggage Reclaim about what to do when your boyfriend still has an Internet dating profile active.

Choosing the Best UK Blog should be about one blog being technically 'better' than it's rivals. Whether you're judging on style, layout and graphical appeal of the blog (The Devil's Kitchen has my vote in this regard) or purity of purpose and editorial focus (Baggage Reclaim is the winner here) you have to consider the investment and effort that's gone into making that blog what it is.
From the shabby layout to the poorly edited prose, Neil Clark's blog is inferior to every single one of it's rivals. And yet, inexplicably, it's winning.

I wish I could accuse Neil of cheating, but I don't think he is. Even if his blog was miraculously as popular as his two closest rivals (with about 600 votes each) Monsieur Clark would still have had to run around logging votes on fifty different computers, each and every day of the eight day voting period to get to where he is.

For a man who can't be bothered to use the 'tab' key, that seems like far too much hard work.

Nope. All I can conclude is that Neil Clark's utterly awful blog has received the backing of his friends, family, party members, neighbours, pen pals, colleagues and anybody else he can corner. He's reduced the concept of the Weblog Awards 2007 - which was supposed to celebrate ability and excellence - into a warped and slightly pathetic popularity contest.

So just like the winners of Pop Idol and Big Brother, another utterly undeserving Brit gets a pat on the back for being merely mediocre. I feel rather sad, because other people will be visiting the winners of the 2007 Weblog Awards - maybe even the likes of Donald Trump - and in amongst all the shining examples of Internet Excellence will be this very sorry, utterly pathetic offering - stamped apologetically 'Made in Britain.'

It's too late to do anything about it now, but next year we'll have to make sure a decent blog gets the recognition it deserves. Blogs have proven to be the pathway to fame and fortune for some people, like Belle du Jour. It's a pity somebody else's opportunity for recognition has been hijacked by Neil Cark's utterly worthless blog.

Congratulations, Neil. I can't say you deserved your 2007 Best UK Blog award, but I won't deny you worked for it.

And in conclusion, please enjoy this article from national magazine The Spectator.

Neil Clark - Hypocrite