Ava

This morning, Tina's beloved cat Ava passed away.

We found her lying outside, barely breathing. We rushed her to the local vets, but she died during the journey. He examined her and said she'd probably been hit by a car. She struggled back home before she passed away.

Tina is devastated. She utterly adored Ava. As far as she was concerned, the only good thing about me dragging her back to America was to be back with her little cat.

Ava was her own character. We only reluctantly installed cat flaps to let her come in and out of the house because she utterly refused to be housebound. She was a very happy cat and brought us reluctant 'presents' every other morning, in varying states of alive-ness.

When we used to come home every day, we'd hear her meow "hello" as the key turned in the lock. And she'd already colonised the house, with toys in every room and the second bedroom designated 'Ava's room.'

So there is a massive hole in our lives now. I'm very sad about the little cat, but what I'm really sad about is how it has effected Tina. For such a small little animal, she was the recipient of an awful lot of love. Tina has always loved animals, but she's never had a pet quite like Ava and a little bit of Tina died when Ava did.

Obviously I should be grateful that we haven't lost any person we're close to. People lose children and parents every day. But the grieving process is still very real and watching what Tina's going through makes me very upset.

On a day to day basis, I'm your basic God-fearing person. But when you see somebody grieving you wonder what sense it makes in the great cosmic plan. It's cruel and it's unfair. Ava should have spent a long time with Tina. She was going to come along with us on our journey. It's simply unfair that she was taken away from Tina after only a month of them being together again.

Death seems deeply cruel. I find it very, very difficult to consolidate the pain and sadness it causes with the beliefs I have.

But these philosophical questions don't really matter. All that matters is that a little furry person came into our lives and made a real difference and now she's not here any more.

I wish there was some way I could make Tina feel better.

I wish that Ava could have stayed in this morning, instead of going out for her morning hunt.

I wish that this tiny little furry thing - that brought Tina big furry happiness - hadn't been taken away from her when she needed her the most.

Goodbye, Ava. You will be missed.