Nanowrimo - The Countdown Begins

On the first of November, despite mounting commitments, I am going to attempt Nanowrimo - to write a novel in 30 days.

I've got a really solid novel planned out - just haven't had a chance to write it yet - so there shouldn't be any problem. Oh, except for that pesky job, life etc. Tina and I are even considering getting second jobs to get our finances in order for a return to America.

So it looks like a pretty daunting task - but I'm sure it can be done. Why am I so confident? Because my incredibly prolific namesake, Angie Hulme, managed to do just that last year.

Angie describes herself as a 'wannabee writer,' which doesn't seem quite accurate since she's written a huge number of books, including "After the Fairytale" which starts off where the 'happy ending' of Cinderella finishes.

I asked Angie about Nanowrimo and the secrets of her success last year:

So for the uninitiated, what is Nanowrimo all about?

Nanowrimo stands for National Novel Writers Month. The basic challenge is to write a 50k word novel during the 30 days of November. Personally, it's a really big challenge and so much fun to do; socially, you've got this huge group of people who are just as insane as you are trying to do exactly the same thing – so you're never lacking support either online or in person from other Nanoers in your region. Nano as well raises money to do good things – this year the aim is to raise enough to build a library in Vietnam. It's all about having fun, doing something daft you wouldn't normally even think of doing and everyone not doing it thinks is totally insane, not to mention impossible, and going for that sense of achievement of a challenge well met.

This isn't your first year! Tell us about last year and what you wrote.

Indeed, this is my second year! I had so much fun last year I simply had to do it again! Last year I played the bad guy and wrote a story about a fellow who gains a big inheritance form a dead Uncle who suggests he uses it to do something memorable, something to change things – so my until-this-point everyday fellow reveals he's actually secretly missing a few screws, and sets off around the UK persuading other people to break the 10 Commandments! It was so much fun to write – just to turn off the inner editor, write whatever came to mine, not taking any of it seriously; I had myself in fits of giggles a number of times. And to make it even more fun I took on challenges form other people of things to fit into the story somehow. The entire Nottingham region had a challenge to fit ferrets in somewhere, other challenges met included evil bunnies, gnomes in compromising positions and a bucket with a big smile and a little hat...so yeah, it got almost surreal at points! But meeting with the Nottingham group every weekend through the 'ordeal' was so much a part of it as well – it wouldn't have been Nano without that, and the word games on the forums and speed-writing challenges in the chatrooms. It wound up, for me, as just a real fun time and after I finished sleeping after last years, I was immediately looking forward to doing it again! Incidentally – I did my 50k in 22 days last year; plan to try and beat that this time!

What was the secret of your success?

Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee keeping me awake late at night in order to hit my word targets, and plenty more at work the next day simply to keep me awake!
Having a good group around me was also really helpful – every Saturday the Nottingham Nanoers spend a couple of hours or an afternoon together and it's such a laugh and such fun and I would come away feeling refreshed and renewed and often with knowledge of where my story was going next; I think without that group of us I wouldn't have come near finishing. Also understanding friends are handy – non-nanoers who don't mind me asking random questions about nonsensical things or asking them for challenges or ranting about my characters or raving about my word count and generally hearing little from me except random nano nonsense for the month, they're great! I recommend warning them in advance!

This year...well once again I'm playing the baddie! My protagonist is a lady, a police officer, who after being jilted by her husband thinks back and realised that every lover she has ever had has done that in one way or another her whole life. So, again revealing a few missing screws nobody realised weren't there, she setts off tot rack them all down backwards from husband to first boyfriend in order to murder them in strange and interesting ways. So far for challenges, I have the Nottingham theme (seems to be 'the lower half of a man's right leg' - worryingly, none of us had much problem seeing where we could fit this into our stories!) and acrostic paragraphing, though I've not yet decided what word to spell out. And I'm sure there'll be more along the way!

What advice do you have for any budding Nanowrimo'ers (like me?)

First of all – snacks. Buy lots of snacks and easy to eat foods. Also coffee or any other favoured energising drink, plus water/fruit juice for general consumption. Make sure you have plenty – you'll be needing it while writing.

Second – warn all your friends who are likely to notice something amiss during the month – and once warned, you can also make use of them for bouncing plot off, advancing it by asking what they might do, talking to them on the phone to get away from typing for a while,and various other things.

Third – don't promise to do anything with other people; tel them you will if your word count is good, but don't make any promises for November or for the first few days of December when you're likely to be sleeping.

Storywise – have an idea, plot as much as you like, but don't force the story somewhere it doesn't want to go else you risk losing it entirely; be flexible, write whatever comes to mind and if you get stuck, talk to friends and other nanoers. Also if you don't like your main character – kill them and replace them, seriously, this is Nano, you're not trying to write classic literature – entertain yourself, whatever that may take, and you'll get through it.

Get a good headstart during the first week or so, then weeks 2 and 3 can be more relaxed and hopefully you won't spend week 4 in a panic! The daily word count divides into 1667 per day over 30 days – so try setting a daily target of 2000 per day, if you mostly hit that then the odd bad day doesn't matter and it keeps you on course for being able to actually finish your story, not just hit the 50k target!

Don't get disheartened by other people's word counts. You'll find some people ace right through and are i the 100k's while you're still in 20 – it doesn't matter, you're challenging yourself, not competing against them.

Keep it fun, really, there's nothing at stake here, it's meant to be a fun challenge – keep it light, entertain yourself, remember you're not writing a masterpiece, you're just...writing.

Well, you'll be able to read about my attempts to write The Bootleg Boys on Nanowrimo at the Adventure Eddy blog. The current story should be winding up in the next couple of days.

And if you want to find out more about Angie's writing, the best place to start it her website. You can also find After the Fairytale on Amazon.

The National Novel Writing Month

The reason I'm wrapping Eddy up on my Adventure Eddy blog is because I've got a new project for November.

November is National Novel Writing Month. It's a project in which writers pledge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. You can find out more here: Nanowrimo.

Since I've been having trouble with The Bootleg Boys from the word go (I recently lost the first seven chapters when my laptop misbehaved) I figured it would be a good idea to get the bloody thing written!

Hence, I've signed up for Nanowrimo - and in November I'm going to write a novel!

Back in Blighty

Oh, how depressing.

It was pouring with rain when our plane touched down in Manchester and, seriously, there are nicer places to be than Manchester when it's raining.

It took us seven hours to get home from the airport, including a lovely stretch on Virgin trains. Richard Branson - if you're reading this - please invest in some SEATING on those trains. Pack us in like sardines it you must. Charge us £40* each if you feel you have to. But can we at least get a seat?

But, most depressing of all was the realisation that we were home.

Going back to America was like meeting up with an old girlfriend. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes it just makes the heart harden up and these last few months I've been worried about returning. There's much more anti-American feeling in Europe than I'd realised. Not helped by that burk George and his continued buggering-about. Maybe some of it had rubbed off.

But I was wrong.

T and I dragged ourselves off CO21 at Newark airport and spent precisely five minutes in the Immigration Department (that's a personal best.) Then, we trudged out onto the sidewalk and it hit me. Just like meeting up with an old girlfriend and realising that all those doubts and worries were unfounded. That chemistry and excitement is still there. It hits you like a freight train.

What was it? It's hard to put my finger on the exact reason. A huge part of it, though, has to be the people. American people are just great. I spent a week with a family I'd only met a couple of times before and slipped into place without even noticing. In England, I've sometimes found social interaction a bit difficult. There are awkward silences and inane conversations about the bloody weather. But American people talk. They love to talk.

I just feel more confident and happier around American people, which is weird. It's like their lack of inhibitions and confidence rubs off on me. Also, New Jersey was beautiful.

They make fun of the place all the time because of the huge petrochemical industry that's based there. But once you get out of downtown Jersey City and away from the industrial part, the Garden State really lives up to her name. We arrived at the best time of year, when the 'fall' was coming and the leaves were turning the most beautiful colour.

As Albert Camus once said, Autumn is a second spring, when every leaf becomes a flower.

My week spent in America was fantastic. The only bad part was when I realised it was nearly over and it would be months before I'd be back.

* Obviously that's not the price per person for a ticket from Manchester to Winchester. Ha! I wish. No, sadly that's just the price from Birmingham to Winchester. The entire trip by rail would have cost us approximately £796.56 per person and taken about three and a half weeks with a stop over in Bratislava.

Monster Truck!

After a brief jaunt in my brother in law Justin's truck, I was grinning so hard my cheeks hurt.

He's got a limited edition Dodge Ram Viper. That's a Dodge Ram pick up truck, powered by the V10 engine of the Dodge Viper - a 200mph sports car.

Justin's added his own special touches to this incredible beast, including a supercharger and drag racing slicks. It's an incredible machine. It can do a standing quarter mile in 11 seconds! And it still has three seats up front and a flatbed for moving your mate's wardrobe!

Here's a video of our standing start!

.

Reunited With Kitty

After two years, Tina finally got to be with her Bengal Leopard Cat, Ava, again. She's a VERY eccentric little cat and ended up bitchslapping me the first time we met, knocking my specs across the room!

Back in America

I'm having a simply incredible time in America. We ended up in Somerville, not Flemington, where were staying with Tina's brother Ron. His house is incredible. This part of New Jersey is very rural, with about half a mile to the nearest neighbour. There are beautiful old wooden farm buildings and, being so close to Halloween, the pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns are out in full.

Ron's house is a beautiful bungalow (with a basement that's as big as the entire top floor) set overlooking a little creek. It's lovely.

I was amazed how much I loved being back. From the moment we arrived, I had my face pressed against the window of the car, staring with glee at the sights rolling past. New Jersey is very far removed from Long Island. There are the beautiful old houses I mentioned, but also miles and miles of trees and forest. And Americans are just as lovely as I remember them. Huge smiles wherever we go.

I think T's a little worried about how much I obviously like it here. But, seriously, it's a different world from Winchester. I think she's still reeling at being back home.

Here are some pictures from Ron's house. Isn't it cool?

Eddy Overload

If you're following Adventure Eddy, you'll notice a glut of posts.

This November, I'm planning on entering NaNoWriMo - that's the National Novel Writing Month. I'll be telling you more about that when I'm back from New York. But in order to do that, I'm clearing the Adventure Eddy blog to post my NaNoWriMo effort.

Adventure Eddy will wrap up by the end of October.

Flemington, New Jersey. Population 4,047 +2

Well, tomorrow Tina and I make a momentous journey. After more than three years, I'm heading back to America!

Flemington, NJ to be exact, where we'll be staying with Tina's family for a week. It's a great chance for Tina to see her family (and pussycat) again and I can get my Entry Visa stamped.

Hopefully a few days stateside will be lots of fun. I'll try and post pictures when I can! See you in America!

Meetings - A Great Excuse to Avoid Work

I haven't written much about work since I started at Ocean and Power FM. There's no particular reason for that. I absolutely LOVE my job. There is nothing more satisfying than writing a bunch of commercials and having the client's eyes light up when he hears them. On a much smaller scale, it must be like the feeling novelists get when they find readers who love their novels.

But we all love a good bitch, even about the best job in the world.

Today was my last day before heading off on holiday (more on that later.) I had SHEDLOADS to do. About seven scripts and various other associated gubbins to take care of. I'd have got more of them done yesterday, but I spent the day in Bournemouth on a 'Work Thing.'

And today confirmed what I thought yesterday. There is only ONE thing that I do not like about my job. And it's not the job (I love writing) it's not the workload (I thrive on deadlines) and it's not the people (I think they're all awesome. Even my bosses!)

It's the meetings.

All the bloody time. Meetings for this. Meetings for that. go to Bournemouth and have a meeting. Now, I'm all for meetings and I think they're very productive but HELLO?!?! Has anybody actually noticed HOW MUCH WORK WE HAVE TO DO?

The ironic thing is we ALL feel this way in the meetings, I'm sure.

End of Bitch. Rolski signing off.

Adventure Eddy goes Live!

Purely by accident, the first non-Hulme (this side of the channel, at least) has asked to read Adventure Eddy!


The gorgeous Claire Anderson, who presents on Power FM between 1pm-4pm, asked to see it after I bored her with my "I'm writing a novel" speech and has taken a copy to read at home, or in the bath, or wherever it is that famous people read books.

Wow! A famous person reading my book!

Hopefully my ego will not be crushed and my dreams of being published cast asunder by cruel words from a honey-voiced radio star.

Long live The King

I recently discovered a great blog by writer Maya Reynolds. Hers is the sort of blog I'd like mine to be. All about writing, but without the childish bits I keep inserting into my blog. I mean, that post about asparagus. What was I thinking?

Anyway. Maya wrote a post about Stephen King which was interesting. You can find it here.

I love Stephen King. I think the publishing community has done this incredibly talented author a huge disservice by relegating him to the position of "America's Schlockmeister" or just a horror story hack. I think he's a pefect example of the schizophrenic state of the publishing industry.

I sat in on a presentation with author Jodi Picault when she came to Winchester and she mentioned that American publishers decide that authors are 'literary' or 'popular.' You can be one or the other. Not both.

I think this is a ridiculous idea. Not just ridiculous, but exclusionary. Authors like Stephen King are never taken seriously because their books happen to appeal to a large audience and they make movies out of them. But some of his books in particular are incredibly complex. Take my favourite ones, the Dark Tower series. I mean, here we have a series of genre-busting books featuring a fantastical gunslinger called Roland (yeah!) travelling through a multitude of New Yorks (yeah!) while encountering characters from Stephen King's books (including himself) and other fictional characters. Oh, and did I mention the whole book is based on on Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came.

I think the critical community have a serious issue when it comes to looking at books. Instead of deeming one stream of writers 'literary' and the other stream 'populist' they should just look at each title on it's own merits.

After all, the world's most acclaimed author, Shakespeare, was a populist writer who churned out works of undeniable genius to eager crowds. Back in the day, his plays were equivilant to today's Spielburg blockbusters.

Adventure Eddy & Buffy the Vampire Slayer in Curse of the Mary Sue

I have a friend called Jo who writes fan fiction.

These are fan written stories involving characters and situations from popular TV shows. The most common one has to be Star Trek. A lot of writers got their break through 'fan fiction' and a number of television shows, Star Trek in particular, use fan fiction ideas as the basis for their episode ideas. Sadly, the fans seem to know their source material and have more original ideas than the show script writers. See that UPN show 'Enterprise' for more evidence.

A common occurance in bad fanfiction is the "Mary Sue." A new character introduced merely to give the author a voice and presence in the story. Often Mary Sues have knowledge and abilities beyond the realities of the fictional world and they're generally just awful.

A good guide to the Mary Sue can be found here.

My discovery of the Mary Sue prompted me to wonder if Adventure Eddy was, by his very definition, a Mary Sue. Certainly, he'd started life as a more handsome, exciting fictional version of myself and while the character has disappeared off on his own path, the colour of his hair, love of old cars and family situation remain mirrors of my own.

For some reason or another (I hadn't got a Playstation back then) I decided to write my own Mary Sue fanfiction. I'd throw Adventure Eddy randomly into a fanfiction adventure.

I chose Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I never got very far with it and I doubt I will ever finish it. It was a terrible waste of time! But for curiosity's sake, my I present Adventure Eddy & Buffy the Vampire Slayer in The Curse of Mary Sue...

The Curse of Mary Sue

Chapter One

The vampires swept forward like a relentless wave.

“Quick,” Buffy grabbed the back of Xander’s collar and literally threw him through the door, “get inside and somebody close that door!”

“I’m on it,” Spike grumbled, slamming his shoulder against the old crypt door, slamming it shut behind the Scooby gang.

Thump!

The door cracked as the vampires hurled themselves against it.

“Bloody hell,” Spike growled, shouldering the door shut as best he could, “I think I could do with some help, here.”

Thump!

A split traced it’s jagged way down the door.

“Quickly, Willow,” Buffy span towards her redheaded friend, who was already reaching for her spell book. “We need some of your mojo - and fast.”

Thump!

“Bloody ‘ell,” Spike repeated. “I think they were almost through, that time!”

“Here, let me,” Xander leapt to Spike’s side.

“Oh yeah… Like peepsqueak here will be any help,” the blonde vampire sneered.

“I wasn’t going to use my bulk, Captain Peroxide,” Xander snapped back, wrenching the great iron bolt into place. “I was just going to lock the door for you.”

With a clunk, the heavy bolt slammed into place.

“That’ll hold them,” Xander grinned, stepping back.

“Yeah, right, Mate,” Spike scoffed, shoving a cigarette in his mouth and reaching for his lighter. “That’ll hold ‘em for all of five minutes…”

Buffy Summers, who wasn’t feeling much like the mighty Slayer at the moment, threw a curtain of blonde hair away from her face.

“Willow,” she snapped, spinning back to her friend. “We need something kick-ass
vampire killy in five minutes or less.”

Willow, her eyes turning black, started chanting.

“Infidalus non beardus bringus maris sueus…”

An unearthly glow surrounded the crypt. Buffy, Xander, Willow and Spike shielded their eyes from the brightness, ignoring the thumps and crashes as the vampires flung themselves against the door.

With a roar of thunder, a figure burst from the brightness and lay, choking, in a steaming pile on the floor.

Buffy, Willow and Xander gathered around.

The thumping on the door continued.

From the smoke, emerged a figure.

He was in his mid twenties. Slim and broad shouldered, in jeans and a battered leather jacket. Square jawed, with curious green eyes. He had curly red hair, hanging over his brow…

Hang on a second…

This whole descriptive passage goes on for, like, four hundred words. Unfortunately we had to cut it. Just take our word for it. The kid who clambered out of the smoke was this ruggedly handsome redhead with a square jaw etc. etc.

Anyway. Back to the story.

Buffy, Xander and Willow, who’d been expecting an axe wielding hero, peered incredulously at the new arrival. The new arrival looked up in confusion.

“Where the hell am I?”


Chapter Two


Buffy was the first to speak.

“Woah… Are you, like, some kind of demon-killing slayer?”

The redhead dusted himself down.

“Erm, no,” he responded, in a sharp British accent. “My name’s Eddy.”

“Eddy?”

“Eddy Newbolt. Adventure Eddy Newbolt, some people call me.” He blinked those adjective-inspiring green eyes of his, “Erm… Mind telling me where I am?”



Buffy grabbed the redhead’s wrist and dragged him out of the smoke.

“Listen,” the blonde demanded, staring up at him with captivating blue eyes, “on the
other side of that door are twenty seven bloody thirsty vampires. If you’re not some ass-kicking vampire killing machine, we’re in trouble.”

Eddy blinked.

“Well, we’re in trouble then.”

There was another Crash!

Spike, his leather coat billowing behind him, threw his shoulder against the door.

“’Ere they come,” he warned.

Crash!

The door crashed open. Spike went flying across the room. Pouring through the open doorway came a wave of gnashing teeth and flailing claws.

“Holly crap,” Eddy blinked. “You weren’t kidding.”

The vampires pounced.

Like a blonde angel of death, Buffy Summers leapt into the fray. Her fists flew. Her stylish, yet affordable boots collided with ribs, kidneys and jaws.

Spike, his leather coat billowing behind him, launched his own attack, clawing, punching, kicking and pummelling.

Eddy simply watched, bemused.

“Grrrraar!”

Out of the darkness, a vampire reared, all bitey teeth and pointy claws.

Eddy grabbed his wrists, but was thrown onto his back by the vampire’s momentum. He suddenly found himself pinned to the flagstones, dodging teeth that threatened to tear out his jugular.

“Help!” Eddy released one of the vampire’s wrists and thumped him firmly on the nose. “Help! Big vampire thingy here!” He thumped the vampire again, wriggling free from the undead’s grip. “Help!”

“Here,” Willow, the willowy redhead, threw Eddy a sharpened piece of wood.

Eddy stared at it, bemused.

“Great. Thanks. A toothpick.”

The vampire launched himself forward again, teeth bared.

“Oh, right,” Eddy snarled. “I’m bloody pissed off now, mate!” He started pummelling the vampire with punches and kicks. The vampire pummelled back. They kicked and punched and wrestled across the flagstones, until the vampire had Eddy pinned down and was ready to bite.

Eddy closed his eyes.

Woosh!

Suddenly, Eddy’s vision wasn’t filled by snarling fangs… Instead, he found himself choking up a mouthful of ash. Clambering to his feet, hacking and coughing, he found himself facing a lean, blonde man with peroxide blonde hair.

The blonde in the leather jacket held out a stake.

“No need to thank me,” Spike snarled in his British accent.

“Cheers,” Eddy responded.

Winded, bruised and dusty, the redhead scanned the room.

It looked like the vampires were gone. All that remained was a thin layer of dust - like the mantlepiece in a crematorium. Buffy, Spike, Willow and Xander were dusting themselves down and checking themselves for injury.

“Looks like we made it,” Buffy sighed.

Eddy hacked up another mouthful of dust.

“Erm” he coughed, “no need to thank me.”

The Scooby gang span around to their redheaded guest.

“Hey,” Buffy growled, her blonde hair billowing in the non-breeze (since crypts aren’t generally that breezy.) “We summon a kick ass vampire slayer to save us from the vampires and what happens?” Her blue eyes narrowed. “We get Biggles here.”

“Biggles?” Eddy looked bemused.

“Leather flying jacket,” Xander explained, “she’s making a joke.”

“Oh, right,” Eddy blinked.

He put his hands on his hips.

“Listen, sorry about not meeting your absurdly high standards in vampire killing back there… But lay off… Where I come from, pale, bloodsucking friends are generally known as “traffic wardens.”

He gazed around the crypt and shivered.

“So,” Eddy demanded. “Where the hell am I again?”


Chapter Three


They held a Scooby meeting at Gile’s place.

Eddy Newbolt, still brushing dust from his shirt, sat on the sofa while the Scooby gang paced nervously around him. Giles, Buffy’s bookish mentor, studied Willows spell books carefully.

“Buffy,” he yanked off his glasses and turned to his blonde student, “it appears here that Willow’s spell misfired.”

“You’re not kidding, Giles,” Buffy growled. “Instead of a kick-ass Vampire killing machine, we get a carrot topped…”

“Hey!” Eddy interrupted.

“No offence,” Buffy span around. “Seriously, no offence, but when we called about The Powers That Be for a champion to help us defeat the army of vampires that’s invaded Sunnydale, we expected somebody who… I don’t know…”

“Believed in Vampires?”

“That’s it.”

“Well,” Eddy shrugged, “after the big bitey, toothy performance earlier, I certainly believe in vampires now.”

“Yeah, but you can’t fight them.”

“I don’t know. I gave that pale bugger a pretty good slug on the jaw.”

“No, seriously, Eddy,” Buffy frowned, “we expected some kind of superhero. Not an…”

“A what? An ordinary guy?”

“Well, yeah.”

Eddy shrugged.

“Well, sorry to disappoint.”

He turned to Giles, who he’d identified as the Guy-Who-Probably-Knew-What-Was-Going-On.

“So, Mr Giles blokey… Where exactly am I again?”

Giles shrugged.

“I’m sorry, Mr Newbolt,” he admitted. “I’m not sure. Willow’s spell was meant to summon forth a heroic vampire killer. Instead, we got you.”

“So, where am I again?”

“Sunnydale, California.”

“California? Like as in America?”

“Yes.”

“That’d explain the accents.” Eddy looked around. “Hey, I’m not sure I have a valid VISA, you know. Can you send me home?”

Giles took off his glasses.

“I’m afraid not. Not without the Necronomican.”

“Necronomican?”

“The book Buffy and her friends were trying to recover from that crypt. It’s a dark and ancient book, stepped in black magic. Only there will we find the spells needed to send you home.”

Eddy looked up.

“Well, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure I want to go back, yet. I mean, aside from the big sharp toothy vampire thingies, it seems pretty nice here. California. Land of grapefruit and Hollywood. I mean, while I’m here….”

“Eddy,” Giles warned, “there is more reason to recover the Necronomican than just you.”

“You mean this isn’t JUST about me?”

“No.”

“Well, I did think I was stealing the thunder a bit from Buffy, Willow and… erm… That beefy guy in the corner.”

“Xander?”

“That’s the one.” Eddy paused. “Hey, Dude. You realise you’re named after a fish, right?”

“Ahem,” Giles coughed.

“Sorry. What were you saying again?”

Giles chewed the end of his glasses.

“Eddy, you are here just in time to witness the end of the world. Apocolypse…”

Buffy sighed:

“What? Again?”

“Yes, Buffy. Unless we can get hold of that Book of the Dead, all Hell will reign on Earth… It’ll be like George Bush Jnr’s presidency, only permanent.”

There was a gasp across the room.

“Wow,” Eddy nodded. “Sounds pretty terrifying.”

He hopped off the couch.

“Let me know how it turns out, won’t you?”

The Scooby Gang watched him head towards the door.

“Wait,” Giles took off his glasses again. “You can’t go. What about the book of the dead? The curse of the vampires…?”

“Well,” Eddy paused, his hand on the doorknob, “you told me already I wasn’t the superheroic vampire killer you thought I was…. So I might as well stay out of your way until all this has blown over. I thought I’ve visit the Universal Studios.”

“But Eddy…. The world is depending on you…”


Chapter Four


After much discussion, it was decided Eddy would spend the night at Giles’ place. After all, they were both British and Buffy, who had the only other available couch, didn’t quite trust the winks Eddy was giving her.

So long after the Scooby gang had retired, Giles and Eddy found themselves sitting at the dining table, drinking rather good Scotch.

“So, Giles, old Buddy,” Eddy mulled, sipping his Islay malt. “What exactly Is going on here?”

“Well,” Giles took off his glasses nervously. “I didn’t want to alarm Buffy or Willow, but it appears our predicament might be much worse.”

“Worse than what? Worse than the bitey tooth vampires in the crypt? Because that was pretty bad.”

“For Buffy and willow, that’s simply a normal day.”

“Oh. So worse is much, much worse.”

“Exactly.”

“How much worse?”

“Well, Eddy. It appears the spell Willow performed was actually meant to conjure forth a Mary sue. Hence, you arrived.”

“Who are you called Mary Sue?”

“Don’t be offended, Eddy. It’s a non-gender-specific-term.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“Eddy,” Giles rolled his eyes, “the term ‘Mary Sue’ refers to something. It’s actually a term used in literature. It basically equates to a character inserted into a story merely to project the author.”

“To what-the-what-what?”

“An author writes himself into a story.”

“Oh…”

“Well, many bad authors take existing characters and existing story situations - like from a comic or TV show - and write their own stories, inserting characters based on themselves.”

“And that’s bad how?”

“Well, these characters know everything, they muck up continuity and often form relationships with the main characters. It basically turns to world the characters inhabit upside down.”

“Oooh-kaay.” Eddy rolled his eyes. Then he paused. “What a second, Four Eyes.”

“What?”

“If I’m supposed to be like on of these fictional Mary sue characters, how come I DON’T know anything,. I didn’t even believe in vampires until a few hours ago. I mean, I met some once, back at home, but they turned out not to be real vampires at all. So I stopped believing in them. And then I saw them today.”

To Not Be Continued...

Cover Story